Talking to the (Wo)Man in the Mirror

First and foremost: Jena 6

-Around campus, those protesting the trials of the Jena 6 are wearing black (representing strength and mourning) or green (to symbolize growth and surpassing hate). There are people protesting around our bell tower (the center of campus), and it's pretty hard to get around it. Am I complaining? HELL NO! I think this issue is worthy of all the attention it's receiving. Three black boys sit under a tree in the "white section", and the next day there are nooses hung. The principal wants them expelled, yet the city education director overrides this decision because he sees it as a harmless practical joke. Kids will be kids? Is that not ridiculous? The fact that there is a white section in the first place blows me. Apparently, seperate but equal still holds credibility some places. Than 6 (black) boys get in a fight and they receive charges, get put on trial, have ridiculous paroles set for them, and actually get sentenced. This issue is making a mockery of the progress America has made since slavery.. or the lack there of.

Back to the regular scheduled program:
My yesterday (9/19/2007) sucked. It started off with me not waking up in time for class and progressed into something even worse. Give me a brief moment to complain:
-I tripped and fell twice (get your laugh out), one trip was so hard that I actually broke my toenail
-I was EXTREMELY hungry, bought a sandwhich, and dropped half of it on the floor (just after I thought, "it would be ridiculous if I dropped this")
-My grandmother (Lord knows I love her) wouldn't stop nagging me about a loan
-the list goes on.. but this will suffice

It was one of those days that, had it been in a comic strip, the story would have been called "When Something Can Go Wrong, It Does". I was feeling defeated. A few days before I had called my sister to tell her I was quitting college. She immediately dismissed the notion. As a matter of fact, she said, "Girl shutup". She has the ability to make light of any situation, and though I was seriously stressing, I needed that reminder... it's not always that serious. Sometimes I just need to sit back and breathe, re-evaluate the situation, and figure out what I can do to make the best of it. My greatest advice to myself was be progressive or sleep (I stated that in the previous blog). Kinda dramatic, I know but efficient nonetheless. Well, it would be effecient if I could actually put it into action.

This is all beyond me. I went through highschool just gliding. It wasn't hard to keep up with school work, and good grades came with ease. Now, I get to college and I'm two steps away from needing a tutor in every class. It's not hard to feel imcompetent when I don't see anyone else struggling the way I am. Taking into consideration that I'm more emotional than most and I wear my heart on my sleeve, everyone doesn't show it as much as I do when the pressure is on and getting to them. I'd like to believe that this is temporary and I'm stressing myself out. However, the facts are that there is work to be done and I have to be the one to do it. Everyone isn't struggling as much as I am because they're doing more work than I am. If I do my best than there's nothing for me to feel bad about. Problem is.. I haven't been doing my best and that's where the worry sets in. Sometimes the answer isn't always so easy.

This time, the answer is simple.. get on my job. Admitting defeat is not an option. Jigga said it best: I will not lose!
In order to change the world, I must first start with myself.


2 fingers and blessings,
B