Thursday, December 31, 2009

Thought for NYE

"Bite off more than you can chew, then chew like hell."
-Tom Curtain

Sounds About Right,

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Thought for the Day 12/29

"I fear that many lack the wisdom to have Christmas joy after the 25th of December."
-My pastor, Pastor Michael Winton

Glad I Made it To Church This Weekend,

Thank Me Later

Let's do a "brief" recap:

"I get my energy From my Inner-G
I be in outer space But I got inner peace
So tell my enemies That they can't injure me
I know that irritates, You have my sympathies.

..Do you remember me? The guy from verse one?
Failures my last name. Never's my first one.

..And babygirl, what does it matter where your purse from?
Your hair done. Your nails did.
Your ass fat. But you're dumb.
Mix Melyssa Ford with Maya Angelou.
Become a top model and Sojourner too."

Why wouldn't you love that? "I don't prophesize. I promise you." YESSS!

I'm Beamin',

i admire vulnerability, so I thought I'd take part in the splurge

here's a note I posted on FB:

TEN things I wish I could say to ten different people (but don't say their names)

1. I'm sure I've forgiven you. And though I'm sure I could never give you another chance, I'm not sure if I ever fell out of love... just knew that I grew into a different person. It's trippy. I've been praying that you get to a place where me saying things like this doesn't make you think you have leadway to "try me". Prove me right every now and then, please?

2. It disturbs me how comfortable you are playing the role of victim. I acknowledge that you really can't catch a break. Something is always being thrown at you, but I'm waiting for you to just handle it... to rise above it all.. to become bigger than your situation.. to start telling your problems about your God instead of things happening the other way around. I'm rambling, but really-I'm prematurely proud of you. For now, it's just because you're still here despite it all, but I'm anxious for the day I can say I'm proud because you came to bat swingin.

3. Let's stop questioning our situation and just accept it. I mean, when the subject is you- karma aint so bad after all. For that matter, it's beautiful and I love it. What's to explain or question?

4. You're intriguing. And beautiful. And I'm not in the right place yet, but when I am.. I'll be plotting. That's all.

5. Thus far, you're one of the few if not the only person I've met whose made me realize areas in my life that need changing and the growing up I have to do-without making me feel like less of a person for it. It may be what attracts me to you. That and your ability to make me feel like "not a big deal". Contradictory, I know. You remind me that I'm human while reminding me not to take my presence in other peoples life for granted because it is a powerful thing. We're nowhere near where we used to be, but I wasn't playing when I said I planned on keeping you around. Blood in, blood out-you're stuck with me LOL One last thing, no matter what you say your email documents or shows proof of, I have YET to receive the poem I asked you to send me.

6. This wasn't the life I had planned for you, or us. But it's never too late. You aren't as old as you act or think you are, so grab life by the horns and show it whose boss. At times it feels like you've written yourself off or began taking yourself too seriously, but I've always been your co-conspirator, so you can count on me to grab life by the balls at the same time you start shaking its horn. Teamwork makes the dreamwork, so we're bound to make something happen. "Me and You Shall Never Part." P.S. I'm proud of the woman you've become.

7. I feel the need to reach out to you. I have never met a person with anything bad to say about you, and plenty is said about you. Beyond that-our few interactions have left me feeling enlightened, better, happier.. every good trait possible. The amount of strength and goodness you exude seems unreal. I'm sure you already knew that, though :)

8. Our "unconventional" love used to drive me crazy. Now, I just want it to be ten years later to see how it all turns out. I used to think we'd be this power couple and end up together after time did its work. Now, I don't see the beauty in that. Either way/as messy as things may seem at times, I loved you on purpose. Regardless of what place our love came from, I meant it. Every moment. Every poem. All of it was from a pure place. Love is love, no matter our current connection or seemingly lack there of. Don't forget that during the times where our ESP fades off.

9. Similar to the situation that surrounded ours, your present decisions make it so hard to believe in what once was. A big lesson I'm learning though is to not question past situations based on the present, because the past doesn't really hold that much weight when dealing with the now. Things were what what they were, in that moment. So, it's natural for them to become something else. And in our moment, I was crazy about you. I think you doubted that, but know that you did it for me. Despite my protest and the nay-sayers, you were it. I guess the key word is "were". I pray for you and hope you're being good to yourself.

10. You are the bomb. Period. LOL Seriously though, we seldom express our appreciation for each other but know that everything about you is something I admire. I already told you I'd be pleased if my children came out even a little bit like you so you're definitely going to be a Godmom if I have anything to do with it. Stay around. Forever. You keep me grounded. Not to mention, IDK how many people who have "punch a dude in the head" reflexes like yours, thats priceless :)

NINE things about myself

1. I get headaches often. Bah humbug.

2. Something I'm proud of and despise in the same breath: I care too much.

3. My fav. food is porkchops, anyone who loves me can tell you that easily.

4. You'll get no response from me at all before I create a flat out lie. IDK if that's a good or bad thing, but it is.

5. I create a love story for every person I take interest in. They probably don't manifest, but it doesn't stop me from being a dreamer.

6. I tend to feel like an outsider or visitor, regardless of how "at home" my personality is-if that makes any sense.

7. I love meeting people who are more music/hip hop savvy then I am. IDK why I take them more seriously or give them a certain ounce of credibility that I don't give others.

8. I love the honesty in my poetry, but I actually wish it was more metaphoric or had hidden meanings.

9. "I am what I am, and that's all that I am."

EIGHT ways to win my heart

1. Inspire me/Expose me to new things.

2. Show interest in helping me overcome my shortcomings or just be patient when dealing with them.

3. Tell me when I'm wrong or need to shut up. I know I'm head strong. (hence, #2)

4. Love to eat [everything], without healthy food facts or counting calories.

5. Though there's 8 of them, know which sibling I'm referring to when I say their name without further explanation. Hell, just know all of their names. Same goes for my Godchildren and Baby Mama's.

6. Hold me a little too long when you hug me.

7. Rub my head.

8. Read to me.

SEVEN things that cross my mind a lot (no order)

1. Headaches.

2. Love.

3. Poetry.

4. Food.

5. Money.

6. The future.

7. What I'm gonna do with my hair.

SIX random things I wanted to mention

1. Me having natural hair wasn't some deep life decision, but me keeping it natural is.

2. I always wanted to be one of those people so tainted by love that they didn't let people in or love again. I've failed miserably. And I'm learning to be ok with that.

3. Philly and the people [emphasize:poets] in it have influenced my life in crazy ways. Each and every one of you is amazing in your own right. Keep shining.

4. I know I should drink milk, but I don't want to.

5. My father's negative energy, like everyone elses, is contagious but it gets under my skin like no one else's. He's still Superman to me though.

6. I don't eat like I used to or should. Blah.

FIVE people who mean so much to me (in no particular order)

1. My Grandma. (anyone whose anyone knew she was first)

2. Any author who wrote a book that changed my way of thinking.

3. Any person who inspired me to write or was inspired to write by me.

4. Insert the person you just knew I was going to say here: _______

5. You. Really.

FOUR things Im wearing right now

1. My fro, bye bye straight hair.

2. The scent of "oven run" chicken wings, Thanks Dad :)

3. Navy blue toenail polish

4. A cotton night gown with colorful critters on it

THREE songs that I listen to often (at the moment)

1. Drake- The Winner

2. A Home-B. Yung (IDK why the song is mentioned first here, but didn't feel like fixin it)

3. Anthony Hamilton- I Did it For Sho

TWO things I want to [insert:will] do before I die

1. Publish a novel.

2. Sponsor my grandma's trip to Egypt.


1. I'm an onion. You have to peel me in layers. Cliche, but true.

--- [end note]

I know I haven't posted anything of substance in a while, but I've been home. Lazy. And not inspired enough to do so, til this note and the Jay-Z video put a lil' fire underneath me. Bare with me?

On Top & I Mean Business
(part of a song stuck in my head),

Friday, December 25, 2009

Thought for the-- Christmas :)

"...we don’t have to have a clear beginning or end
let’s just be two people trespassing in each others thoughts
-Marion Smallwood


Life is for the Living, Not For Living Uptight

What else would bring me back off a minor hiatus?

Hov, of course. Take that.

More so, here are some random pictures that I wanted to share for different reasons.

*saw this pic on the blog of an eclectic soul, check em' out.

5:30 in the AM, and it still hasn't hit me that it's Christmas. Granted, I got a new car last week. Early gift indeed. I know, I know.. it's been a while. An update is coming soon. Sit tight?

Happy Holidays,

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Thought for the Day 12/20

"It's been too long and I'm lost without you. What am I gonna do? Said, I been needing you, wanting you. Wondering if you're the same and whose been with you, is your heart still mine?"

Craziness is when I opened up my blogger account, this song popped in my head. So necessary. I haven't been on here in 5 days, but I can tell I had got back into the swing of things with posting something regularly because I literally thought about my blog everyday.

Anywho, here's a thought for the day. I will come back and give ya'll something of more sustenance (granted, this is a full serving) later on. Ya'll deserve that. But for now, I need to do some last minute work to ensure that my grades are somewhat "all that they can be".

Yes, finals are over but I'm handing in work. Pray for me.

Movin on, here's your thought:

"I was my grandmothers favorite person…her death betrayed us both…I didn’t attend the funeral…
even at 11 i realized... corpses dnt need closure..ppl do

My mentor once told me 'peace comes by living ur life as an open book'…
the best I cld do was a post it note…it read...'thanx, hun but I need my secrets' "
-Sania Thomas

Speak to Me,

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


If any of you know someone who smoked while pregnant that would allow me to interview them for my research project, shoot your contact info to my email address:

Trust, I'll be hitting you back within minutes.
Hopefully one of ya'll can be my Nestle during Crunch time.


Thought for the Day 12/15

Invisible scars take the longest to heal.
Look, don't we make beautiful victims?
-Saul Williams

I have not forgotten you. It's the week of finals, and I'm notorious for doing everything last minute... like studying, writing research papers, interviewing experts, etc.

"I'm Nestle when it's Crunch time,"

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Thought for the Day 12/13

"If this were checkers, then Kings would rule. But around here, life is a game of chess."
B. Yung

Get the poem in full. It'll change your life.

Love That,

Friday, December 11, 2009

Thought for The Day Revised

Back in June, the thought for the day was this:

If you asked me how I'm doing my answer would probably be, "Lil' Wayne sold over 400,000 albums in one day. What chance our kids got?"
-Brother Ray

I want to add something to that since I'm just catching glimpse of a certain video that should have accompanied the statement. I don't even know what to say. Just watch.

Pray For Us All,

Shaking my head. But can I be border line ignorant and say ol' girl with the handcuffs on her shorts was twirkin' during her solo? I'm Southern, and we know what it is. I'm just sayin.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I Apologize for Being Black

For all I am.
Plus all I lack.
Please sir,
Please mam.
Cut me some slack.
I do apologize.
-Oscar Brown, Jr.

I didn't really plan on going there, but my brain and fingers have a mind of their own. Hey Ya'll!

So, the title stems from a situation I encountered today while trying to handle a larger situation that's reminding me to live beyond myself and keep hold to a purpose. I won't beat around the situation. I'll describe it in depth. The ugly beauty of it all amazes me.

I don't really know where to begin. Caveat: I can tell this will be a long post. I actually tried to avoid writing it for that reason, but it won't let me. I'll start here:

Behold: These were my roommates from last year. They made it into a blog post or two for various reasons. Either way, I love all of them. Sincerely. Granted (and to be completely honest), I don't like all of them. I do love them. Living with someone and learning them inside out kind of forces you to do so or you're liable to go nuts.

Either way, take note of the one directly beside me, the one above my head to the left, and the one above my head in the center. These three ladies are my babies. Funny thing is, I learn from them more than I teach- on most days. They're only younger than me in age. Either way, we have a bond. Simply stated, but true.

Now, we aren't living in the same space anymore (granted, they all live in the same building still) so there's been a change in how often we communicate. But the feeling I get when I see them, my desire to be in their presence, etc... none of that has changed. I wish I could stress to you how much they've impacted me. My Godmom says you're sure to leave college with two things: debt and secrets. She forgot to mention friends who have made a lasting impression.

Anywho, I have yet to reach the point. I was contacted last week by two of them regarding the third one. It had been brought to my attention that she had been having a tough time and crying often, but she hadn't mentioned it to me when I had seen her (with one of them) the day before. So, since she was on my mind-I did a surprise visit last night.

Again, they all stay in the same building so I got one to sign me in, went to visit/get the other, than went to the last ones room so all 4 of us could be together. I was ecstatic to be in the same space with all of them. I'm around at least one of them, at least twice a week. But all 3 of them is a rarity. We always make plans. They seldom stick. Such is life.

Back to the story: So we're all in the room, and two of them are telling me that they've been so depressed lately. From ex-boyfriends, to living arrangements, to school work, etc. Now, me being me (meaning mushy and nostalgic), I say let's talk about "old times". But I'm told that's only more depressing since they think about "old times" often, being that they aren't too crazy about their current living situation. And I quote,

"I knew I would miss living with you guys. I just didn't know I'd miss it like this."

It's hard to explain in one post and I could never do it justice, but living with them was like living with family. I had sisters to come home to. I walked in the door and felt welcome. We crowded in one room and shared stories of our day, supported each other through tough times, listened to complaints/ranting... taught each other how to dance, how to cook, how to kiss, etc... In short, we just made memories.

Not to mention, we heard so many horror stories about roommates having conflict. Granted, there was one bad apple in our house of 6. Still, that's impressive. People were literally in awe of how well we all got along and how close we were. I can't tell you how many times we heard, "Aww, I wish our roommates were like that."

Again, back to the story: So, instead. I drop the bomb I was told to avoid until a later time, because I need to be updated on what's causing so much commotion in my roommates life (I know she's not my roommate anymore, but I still refer to her as such). And this is where the tears start to fall. In short, I'm told that one of them is being disowned by her parents because she walked out on an argument she was having with her mother, her mother ransacked her room, read through her journal, and saw a lot of things she didn't want to see.

Now let me give you some history on this here roomie: She was born in Vietnam. She moved to the states with her mother at a young age, and her mother had another child while here. From what I recall, they lived with their mothers boyfriend. And she continued to pro-create, (I think) 3 more kids outside of the initial two. When my roommate was 9, her mother packed up, moved to Florida, and left her & one of her siblings with a neighbor/friend she had met while being in the states.

She has no contact with her mother. Doesn't know (but remembers) her other siblings. Does not know who her father is/was. And the list goes on. [and yes, I've written a poem about this, but I never finished it-just in case you were wondering]

Supposedly, her mother didn't leave any documentation for the people she left them with. Just them. Remember that for later. Now, my roommate doesn't talk about this part of her life often, and considers her "new" caretaker her mother. She no longer remembers how to speak Vietnamese, is not/doesn't show bitterness regarding her childhood, and has been struggling to get proper documentation regarding her citizenship status for sometime now. For example, she's been trying to get a license for 3 yrs.

Last night, she said she didn't think she was strong enough to handle this situation. Her "mother" said she doesn't want anything to do with her, tells her she's a whore because of the sexual relations she's had with one person that her mother read about in the journal, texts/emails her friends saying the same thing, and wants an explanation from her as to why she hurt her so badly.

Now, I can only speak for myself and another one of my roommates (the other Black one, which may or may not be important but it has a lot to do with our similar opinions regarding family because we were brought up in a similar manner-granted, she's actually Haitian-and that's something else in and of itself), either way-we thought all of this was ludicrous.

You're going to shun your growing child because you read her journal and caught a glimpse of her sexual experiences? It's bad enough the girl is always scared to keep a journal because of things like this, but it's worse that she's used to this type of thing.

Sidenote: Left an old poetry book laying around once. My father snooped. My first sexual piece was in there. He made some snyde remark that I can't recall, and that was that. My father knows I'm sexually active. He isn't pleased, but he also trust (or so I hope) that I'm not sloring it up in Philadelphia. Moving forward.

If anything, I feel like her mother should be embracing her and making her feel loved. She's been through enough. Moreso, she should see this as an opportunity to speak with her-woman to woman. Instead, she's still treating her as if she is a child who does not partake in adult actions that may lead to adult consequences. And I don't just mean sex, I mean anything in general. She doesn't address "real life" issues with her, because in her head-my roomie's still in grammar school.

Even worse, she has no form of privacy. When her mother dropped her off at school, she was so pleased at how maternal I was-she said it made her feel better about leaving her here. However, she gave her all these rules to abide by (while at school)... as if she would be here to enforce them.

And some of them were just ridonkulous. I.e: We go to school in a major city, North Philadelphia. Her mother said, under no circumstances, should she use public transportation (due to safety issues). This alone is a tough one, because in the smallest capacity, you have to (at least) get on the train to get to class if you take any courses at/on our Center City campus.

Once-She rode in a cab, with 3 other people (myself, another roommate, and a male included), and got in trouble for that. It doesn't matter that we were going to see a play 4 blocks up from where we lived and got out the cab before she did, and since she didn't want to be in the cab alone, she proceeded to (literally) run home because the street lights had came on and it was technically dark out (meaning, she was scared to be alone).

Yes, it's that deep. Nor does it help that her mother wants her to come home every weekend, and my roommate seldom expresses the fact that she actually would like to say at school. And if she even shows some type of disdain, her mother will proceed to remind her that she is selfish and the least she can do is spend some time with her family since her stepdad is shelling out cash for her tuition. But what her mother fails to realize is, her stepdad is paying for the experience that she is being robbed of. Because I can promise you, people learn more about life than books in college.

Back to the topic at hand, so my roommate is supposed to have this grand conversation with her mother and all she keeps saying is she doesn't feel capable of doing it. She was crying. I was crying. She said she felt pathetic for not being as "brave and strong" as we were. Again, I've mentioned this before-I seldom feel as brave as people proclaim. She also mentioned that she can't really do more than cry and apologize when they get on the phone.

I proceeded to tell her that she needs to assert herself. Granted, that is her mother, so a certain level of respect is necessary. She needs to point out that though it is okay and rather natural for her mother to be disappointed in her actions, (cause hell, I don't even want her having sex and I'm her peer) her actions are not so heinous and direct that her mother should feel hurt by her and worthy of explanation.

Like, in what way has she done something that requires an explanation regarding you being hurt? If you wanted her to explain her decisions, that'd be something different. But, to describe why she chose to hurt you specifically... ridiculous. That's a self-incriminating tactic. (way to bring my future lawyer out, right?) To explain herself would imply that her actions were done with the intent of hurting you, which I'm sure wasn't the case. For that matter, even God knows that she didn't think once of her mother while performing sexual acts with that man. Ya'll will have to excuse me if that's blasphemous.

I'm sure I'm leaving gaps, and you don't know her mother in the details that I do, but I hope you can see where I'm coming from. My roommate is reaching a level of maturity (or just a point in life, generally speaking) where she should be responsible enough to make her decisions AND be held accountable for them. With that responsibility and accountability should come a certain level of trust. As a mother, if you did a good job raising your child, you shouldn't worry so much about what they do once they leave your place because you know you did well. And it's not like she isn't trying to be accountable. Hell, you read her journal which gives full details. There's no denying that truth.

However, her mother just refuses to let her go. And now that she realizes her hold on her isn't what it used to be, she says she doesn't want anything to do with her at all. She went so far as to say that "my roommate can hurt her like that, but she won't allow her to do the same thing to her grandparents so she needs to call them." What?! (Let me say, because I haven't said it and am probably painting a horrible picture, her mother is actually a very nice and loving woman, she just is a bit immature and extremely overbearing)

Because of all this, my roommate doesn't think she will be coming back to school next semester, will possibly be staying with friends, and is unsure of her whole situation in general. However, me and my Haitian roomate (insert smile and empowerment here) aren't having that. We are women familiar with those who make things happen, and this all just seems outlandish to us.

So, we're doing it for ourselves and trying to see to it that her seat in a Temple University classroom is secure come spring semester. We've already hit a few roadblocks, and it's only day one-but we'll work it out. The big issue today was determining whether or not she is actually a U.S. citizen (because we need to look into financial aid). As mentioned before, her mother "supposedly" dropped her off with no documentation. She only knows her social security number. She doesn't have the actual card, and as I learned today while visiting the social security office-that number doesn't imply citizenship, it's more like an ID # for people in the country. (Who knew? Not me. Cause I could've sworn that meant you belonged to us.)

The reason I've been using the term "supposedly" regarding her biological mother leaving her with no documentation is because it seems a bit silly to me that her mother would leave her children with a neighbor, not bring any of the paperwork that comes with them (certificates and such)-but supply her social security number... IDK, verbally? Like, did she just remember it in her head? Not to mention, her mother's English was less than perfect at this time. More so, her ex thinks her "new" mother actually has it and isn't giving it to her... part of her not letting go.

So, we went to about 4 offices today trying to determine her status just to figure out that we have to go downtown. It was definitely a rat race. Each building we visited referred us elsewhere. And I definitely didn't have on the proper attire. I was feeling good when I got dressed, looked accordingly, and messed up the heel of my boot while trekking through campus.

The title of this post comes from what we experienced when entering the social security office. I want to reiterate the fact that we go to school in N. Philadelphia. For people who aren't from here, it's generally referred to as "the hood". Such is life. Granted, it is a rough area. Still, our campus (though it's an open campus) is pretty secure, well guarded/infiltrated with cops and "watch stations" on every corner. In short, I feel safe. But all I have to do is walk two blocks off campus to be reminded of my location.

In saying that, the social security office nearest us is a reflection of our environment. The second we walked in, I said to my Haitian roommate that I hope the people helping us wouldn't be rude. She said, with every bit of her Brooklyn attitude, "We could be rude right back." But that wasn't really my point of concern, I just didn't want the people being completely apathetic to our situation because it wasn't their own.

I felt bad for even feeling the need to express that when I walked into the place. But some things are just obvious from a mile away. When we did speak with someone: he was sarcastic, not the slightest bit eager to help, and my roommate walked away apologizing for questioning the man in the first place. My other (Haitian) roommate sarcastically apologized to the man that that was his job. And, in response, I apologized to my roommate for his actions in general. I immediately had one of those "we have to do better" moments. Like, I felt so bad that we just wanted to help our roommate and here we are, encountering trouble from our own people.

And, I'm not trying to take it there. I'm just saying. Like, yeah we are college students, and he probably didn't take us seriously cause our questions seemed foolish to someone familiar with the material they see on a daily. You know when you're so familiar with certain material you start to think it's common knowledge or take your knowledge on the matter for granted? However, we aren't asking without reason-closed mouths don't get fed, and I'm shameless when it comes to acquiring knowledge... So, yuh.

That was that. Tomorrow we will be going to the Homeland Security office. I won't front like I'm not worried. Just from speaking with someone in our admissions office, red flags began popping up in my head. For example, the lady helping us told us that when someone indicates they're a U.S. citizen (when feeling out college applications), the school doesn't look into it any further because you sign off saying everything you indicated on the app is true.

However, if we're making inquiries about her citizenship status, than clearly she doesn't really know what her status is regardless of what she put down. What if they opted to look into that or asked for proof? As far as she knows-she has no social security card, birth certificate or valid ID. She definitely doesn't have a passport. That could just make a bad situation worse.

IDK what to expect when we go to this office tomorrow. I'm hoping for the best though. As I'm rereading what I wrote, I forgot to note that my roommate opted to email her mom last night versus explaining herself via phone call. This way, she was sure she would be able to get her point across and wouldn't be deterred by her mothers interruptions or start crying. I haven't heard the results of that email, and I know they were supposed to have an actual phone conversation today.

Oh yeah, all 4 of my roomies prayed together last night too. It's funny how things happen... how people pull together in times of desperation and look down avenues they've never considered. Two of us four don't pray. Correction, one of us prays but doesn't know who they're addressing. She's only sure that she's speaking with a higher being. The other doesn't pray, because she doesn't know how to. I pray, but not like I should. And the other prays like it's her job, the pay is terrible, and the rent is due tomorrow. Needless to say, we had her start the prayer off. I just felt like we had a better chance of getting through to the mainline if she spoke first.

I followed up (feeling like my prayer was insufficient after my first roommate made sure our call connected, so to speak). I Spoke my peace with God and asked that he give my roommate strength throughout this situation, but my true intent was just for her to hear the words from my mouth. Me asking God to let her know that she was capable was really just me telling her that she was capable. Then she prayed. She only had one thing to say, and it wasn't so much a prayer in most definitions of the term but I'm sure that God heard her. I can't wait for Him to speak back. Then our other roommate prayed back, and more than anything she just gave thanks. It was the most moving situation I've been in lately. Not to mention, the prayer seemed so complete.

Like, it was full circle. Someone asked God to do what they knew He was capable of doing in our lives, someone asked God to reveal Himself to us in this situation, someone told God that they were weak, and someone gave God thanks. Amen to that. Really. I'm looking for inspiration everywhere now-a-days. That definietly did it for me. More than anything, we're all ready for this situation to be over. Not so much because it's overwhelming, but because we just want to know the outcome. That makes sense, right? Yesterday we decided that if we got each other, than it's all good. So, either way we're getting through this one. Human interaction is everything.

But this situation lit a fuel up under me. I have been walking around really lax lately. My school work has been on back burner, I'm not really pressed to do anything, and my priorities weren't out of order because I acted as if they were non-existent. O, what a difference one night makes. No, I'm not pregnant LOL This situation has me wanting to change the world. I won't lie and say that I've made this 360 degree change since last night. I'm just saying that I feel inspired and purpose driven. And seeing to it that this gets handled efficiently, to the best of my abilities is a priority of mine. That girl's Vietnamese with a 3.9 GPA and a Biology major. If we can determine her citizenship status: she's got grants, scholarships and financial aid written all over her.

I can only imagine how long this post is, but I'm only about to lengthen it, because I want to close this post with an excerpt from Taalam Acey's poem titled "Brotherly Love". Last time I was home, one of my best friends was dealing with life's issues, and hearing this poem made me think of her. Again, this poem made me think of someone I hold close to me and reminded me that their problems are my own, so we need to get them fixed. Here's the excerpt:

...Right now he feels like everything is lost
That's why I'm glad he came to me to give me this opportunity to put a few thoughts across
You see, all day and all night we talk
And I tell em
A man is judged by what's in his soul
And what's in his heart
And not just by what's in his pockets
Me and him are friends through thick and thin
And if he's in pain
We need to put our brains, time and money together to stop it
I tell em' the fact that we don't have a lot of money is a problem
But rather than getting fed up
What we need to do is wake up
And like Moses and Jacob
Whenever we get together,
Just find new ways to prophet (profit)
Cause in my eyes our friendship is how we live
And how we die
And don't you ever believe that even for a second
That I would EVER let you slide
For what I'm about to say
I need you to listen with all your pride and sexuality aside
Cause as God as my guide
Like my own self
I love you
Thanks for Bearing With Me
(just needed to get that off my chest),


For Those Who Can Still Ride An Airplane For The 1st Time

This was a thought for the day back in June. IDK why I didn't post the actual video. Let's correct that:

Inspire me,

I'm in Love with This Poem

As Long As I'm With You
written by Sekou (tha misfit)

“can u come out to play with me?
i know this spot – it’s real cool
i don’t care what we do,
as long as i’m with u.

can u come get away with me?
please please, i’ll be your best friend
i’ll even hold your hand,
as long as i’m with you.”

When we met
The magic in your eyes was so captivating
I didn’t want to offend you by staring at them
So I forced myself to look at your breasts instead …
(so as not to disrespect.)

Some call it love at first sight.

For me, it was love at 2nd kiss.
Suddenly I was all pimple-faced / voice-cracking / 7th-grader
Pedaling full-speed on my Huffy with the banana seat
toward your house
to ask your mama if you could come out to play,
for good.
I had this secret spot I wanted to take you to called our future
It was so cool!
And I couldn’t help myself,
There was something
funny-greeting-cardish about you

You made me laugh out loud / in quiet places

Different from the other girls on the playground
You actually said things like “Thank You”
It had been so long since I’d had a woman fluent
in the lost language of appreciation
That by the time our 3-month bell rang
I was ready to trade in my Pokemon cards
and hold your hand at recess / I was smitt’n
…but with the hip-hop spelling.
(You know there’s always a hip-hop spelling.)

And what we got going then has been got going steady
Since your eyes slid that note across the table to me
on crumpled binder paper
with purple crayon cursive
and 4 life-altering words:
Do you like me?
(check: Yes or No?)
I said “No.”
… I lied.

So here we are,
Trying to play grownup now
and not break up over tetherball fights.
And that ain’t always a piece of red velvet cake

Because sometimes, woman, you
are my oversized multivitamin:
a lump of hard to swallow good for me
And sometimes you’re the q-tip in my ear:
orgasmically bad for me
But in the end / my little bran muffin /
You move me.

So punch in your initials sweetheart,
You made the high score.
See, you rhyme with me,
and I find that pretty dang cool

It took us three years,
but we finally learned to Tivo our drama
and make commercial-free love
We got rid of the junk mail between us.
Now, we’re all bills and checks
And so long as our checks stay big enough to cover our bills
your hand has got a home in mine.

I know it seems like I write less poetry about you these days
But know this:
I write you less now
because I live you more
Anyone can make alchemy of the first few months
But I am edge of my seat over the poem I shall write
of our first ten years
And though still 6 years from a first draft,
I’m very much enjoying the research.

For I’ve finally learned the language of your moans
That one means come to bed, baby
That one means I sure wish you were asking me about my day
instead of watching reruns of Alias
And that one … mmmm … well this ain’t that kinda poem
(I think your momma might be listening)
Let’s just put it like this:
You said you’d let me play in your toy-box if I promised not to get you dirty
I promised.
… I lied.

I’m just a man, honey
And last night you feel asleep in a position
like you were dreaming of making snow angels
I couldn’t help but climb into bed with you
and dream of being snow.

We slept wet.

And I woke up still drunk off your tongue
and well hung
And though I may not always remember,
I always know how I got home.
You / my permanent designated driver
Wherever you are is where I
was going anyway

You are Chico Stick, Cherry Now & Later, and Boston Baked Beans
With music box eyes that sing from distant
like the ice cream man approaching,
Skin that tastes like you have a chewy caramel center
And the best smile this side of heaven
And-- damn you for walking past me naked!

(… why was I mad at you, again?)

I can’t concentrate with your calves and shoulder blades
peeking at me through cracked bathroom doors
And I’d sooner be late
Than ever say the words
“hurry up get dressed baby”

You make me want to shove my face
into the warm laundry of your basket
and sniff your bounce
until you and me are static free--

… And I don’t really know what means
(And I don’t really need to.)

All I know is
Yes, I was late to work today
because last night my baby and I played house so long
that the power went out for three blocks
So this morning my alarm didn’t go off.
My boss demanded an apology
I said I’m sorry.
… I lied.

You Should be Too,

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Thought for the Night 12/8

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells... constellations."
Anais Nin

Growing: One Way or Another, B

Monday, December 7, 2009

Thought for the Day 12/7

"Sista, I think you're more beautiful than freedom... and what can be more beautiful than that?"
Sania Thomas

I Can't Explain How Much I Love That,

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Damn! Where They Do That At?

I wanted ya'll to be surprised at what you were viewing when the video got in full swing, but the freeze frame tells it all. Hilarity.

And yes, you should pause Bilal for this. IDK why this is just sexual and somehow (still) not completely trashy. Drake would have done better off doing a video like this vs. his epic fail of a video for Best I Ever Had. I think Jeremih is challenging Trey Songz' Invented Sex video.

Sorry for beating ya'll over the head with 3 videos today, but wasn't it worth it?

I'm Just Sayin,

The Gift of Life is Amazing

Speaks for Itself,

Thought for the Night 12/6

"If you aim at nothing,
you'll hit it everytime."

B.J. Marshall


Yeah, I'm Proud. And? So?

So, one of my best friends from back home/baby mama's (better known as BM's) sent me a video of my God daughter saying her pledge of allegiance. Am I proud? Yes I am. Am I excited to go home? Yes, I am.

I'm cool with Philly, but I'm missing out on life back home. My youngest sister called me last week and read to me. She's 5. I was absolutely smittened, since I didn't know she could read at all. I mean, I figured she would eventually learn but geesh. I kind of started crying. Kind-of. But not really. I'm a G. (Granted, my friend negated my G'ness last time I said that by saying I was a flower.)

I'm going off on a tangent. Here's my Mira Bell making me proud:

Don't Hurt the Diva
(I got her saying that),

When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong

IDK how I stumbled upon this website, but there are these guys who prank each other to an extreme level. The two videos I'm posting are of the same guy being pranked. I can only wonder what he does in revenge that makes him deserve these type of "jokes" being played on him. The first one is wrong emotionally, but it's funny. Such is life. The second one's just wrong :)

Some Sense of Humor,

Friday, December 4, 2009

Sitcom Series # 1,4343,5365,7464

For starters: I'm fully aware that the commas aren't in the correct places for the title of this post. And, so? Such is sitcom. I already said how these "sitcom situations" would go.

Moving forward... I was not going to post this but I need someone else to read what I read and tell me what they think about it. I sincerely was just gonna tweet part of this convo and see how people replied, but I need more replies then what my Tweet followers would have provided. 140 characters isn't always enough. Trust me. I'd know.

This convo which makes my life more sitcom'ish (look back to this post if you're confused) took place a few nights ago with a guy I've had only two conversations with: one-on the train in a polite manner, for no more than 5min. and two-in my building downstairs for borderline an hour.

He was interesting, for lack of better words. But sometimes too much is just that, too much. And this was a facebook chat. God has a sense of humor though. I'm posting this now, watch this man end up my husband or something. Ay yi yi. Just peep:

Him: whats going on Brandi
Me: hey stranger/how are yu
Him: I'm fine in ATL/working hard on this music career/I'm under Milan Management Group/working with the stars/hows life??/I always wanted to take you out I just never got my chance/maybe one day soon/it will be special
Me: life is life. im here. so im purpose driven. hows atl?
Him: lovely.../I would like to see you soon whenever you'd like to go out we can make it official... you could come down here also/have fun and learn some things from me [why is everyone trying to teach me something, he must have spoken with CI]
Me: coming to atlanta would be a nice breather/how many people do u jus invite to your city all willy nilly lol
Him: not any/this is business I'm doing out here the only reason I even mentioned it to you was because I am very of you... I admire your beauty and intellect also its not many who have charm like yours/you have allot going on in your life... I noticed... the thing is you have'nt noticed me but you will and then you will realize how important I truly am.... I just hope the best life has to offer for you... smile because you are: beauty pure in everyway, your touch is like leaves blowing in the wind, your eyes are as the stars in the sky, body as the earth filled with life
Me: did you just try and bag me? lol
Him: theres no need for failed attempts I just typed what came from the heart as I remembered are converesations
Me: which were peace. you were a trip
Him: I'd rather take you on a trip... mentally allowing you the choice to to voyage or stayed trapped in a world where the good girl is'nt treated like gold/smile be happy when we get the time to do this because it allows me to at least grasp your attention once more/your a fly girl its just you've been caught up in foolishness and lost your way... I just want to be something different to you in this life
Me: who said i was in a place where the good girl isnt treated like gold? and whose the good girl? lol/moreso, what makes you think ive lost my way?
Him: you have'nt lost sense for who you are its just very difficult in todays society for a good girl like yourself to find someone who truly values who you are.../your very bright... because your so smart I assume you sometimes outsmart yourself/but thats my opinion/I just need to find out more/I was begining to like your book but then you closed the page on me
Him: anyway I like the new hair :):) very nice...
Me: im an open book in complicated language sweetie, you might have jus stopped reading and books are inanimate-i cant force you to do much/thanks
Him: I never felt forced it was more like I rented it for a moment took some notes then had to turn it back in I'd rather get to read more then purchase... your a novel worth a happy ending/I am a great student... getting to know someone takes patience and understanding... thats why I compared what happened with us to a book/I'm determined... we will talk [he signs off]
Ok, so... some of you are probably like "B, why are you going off by posting this?" But, wasn't it just extra? Even my big hair turned locks having friend whose made my "Thought for the Day" a few times (and now has a blog: yes, shameless plug-go look at it) asked me if the dude writing me was a poet. The answer: he's not.

And truthfully, it's cool if people do things like that to try and impress me. It makes me feel honored, worthy, etc. But it's like, I'm off the stage right now. Talk to me like a regular human being. If you didn't know I was a poet, would you address me like that? IDK. This makes me think of a quote by Rienne boo:

"The only time we're off stage is when we're on the stage."

I'm Just Saying,

Thought for the Day 12/04

Hold me like your reflection. Like the night holds its shadows, like a sea holds a sunrise....
-Brook Yung

Oh yeah: Happy Birthday Hov.

And if you aren't following me on Twitter, you should be.

I Had To,

The Mr.'s: Video Chronicles, Take 1

I'm just getting this up, but it was recorded last night. Hence: the time reference.

The post I mentioned were:
1. So, my phone is no bueno.
2. Son, I think I'm in ♥ With You

If you haven't read them already, catch up why dontcha?

Moreso, here's the little cannon I have yet to formally bring about on this blog. Meet Andisha, aka D, aka Ms. Do The Most, aka "The little one's a cannon":

And, I just have to post thess pics from this week/passing weekend for your viewing pleasure... but more so, because they make my ♥ smile. I hope you don't mind. "Is that alright"? (said like Jill Scott):

The Harvest

The House

Rhythm we need a picture together. I put a link on her name. It's her blog. You should go peep that.

There it is,

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Thought for the Day 12/3

I got something special for ya'll. I wasn't going to do it, but you've been down for the cause lately. And so... you deserve it. Stay tuned. Later today, once I finish catching up on my academic life (don't ask, I'll tell) you will get some relief.

You So Right,

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Blood In, Blood Out

So, I started a Twitter.

Don't judge me. I'm still new to this, and I have seriously already considered deleting the page... but I might just like it. IDK how many of you already have Twitters, but I'm just letting you know my URL so you can come check me out.


...& You Wonder Why I Take It To The Max-
Well, Baby You Got Pretty Wings,


Thought for the Day 12/1

Wow. It's Already December,

My Life is a Sitcom

Sitcom Series, #1,333,254,3565,3435..

I know the comma's are misplaced but who cares? I think (from now on) whenever I live through a moment that's just random and funny, it will be posted as such with some random number in tow.

This is just a comedic moment with Monika that I vowed to share on my blog. She's my coworker turned friend turned secret lover turned Egyptian thug, and then some. In short, she's one of the people I met this year and have yet to determine how I ever made it a day without.

Ok, mushiness: we off that. Here's an excerpt of the convo:

Monika: I changed my major to Neuroscience today.
Me: From Biology?
Monika: Yup (proud face)
Me: Why?
Monika: Cause I have a 95 in Neuroscience and a 40 in Cell Structure.
Me: But Monika, those are just classes.
Monika: So.
...and for the most part, our conversations always seem to take on this light (or lack thereof). But I'm ok with that. Laughter is always certain. I went into her room starving and hum drum at 12 in the AM. I walked out fed and temporarily over my "midnight no reason for feeling that way" depression. Did I mention there's a Nintendo 64 and basic Nintendo in her room, compliments of her suitemate? Yeah. We played Diddy Kong. Granted, I lost. She felt better about herself. That's all that matters.

Everything's Right With the World Sometimes,