Monday, March 31, 2008

Somebody Should Tell Lebron..

He was made to look like an ape on [the cover of] Vogue.

I walked into Sociology class late today, and this was on the screen. It took me a minute to focus on the conversation, but the comparisons in the picture were obvious instantaneously. First thought I had: aint this some shit? Our teacher told us how the photographer (Anna Wintour) of this cover is well-known and rehearsed in older photos. He said this to imply that they were probably aware of the picture to the left which was an enlistment ad for WW1.

The ape is supposed to symbolize Germany, and the Statue of Liberty is helplessly dangling his hands. We were also told that there were other photos taken (as with most photoshoots for any magazine), but this was chosen as the "best one". Do I need to point out the similarities?

-James is wearing all black
-The tips of his shoes are white (like the apes toenails)
-He has a crazy facial expression
-In addition to his hunched up stance
-Their overall placement (her to the left/him holding her around the waist)
-The ball is placed on the left (much like the bat)
-Giselle just happens to be wearing a green flowy dress.

The only difference I noted is that she actually looks happy. Whatever the case, I'm sure they didn't think to pose this way naturally. Please take note: the magazine is Vogue. This really isn't their style at all. At the least, could the man have been an ape in an Armani suit? I don't know what was going on, but this is a mess- plain and simple.

You Can't be Serious,

Sunday, March 30, 2008

All I Need

My gear is right... check.
Tickets in hand... check.
Diamond in the sky... check.
Ready to see Jigga? CHECK!

Cheers to the ROC,

*Leaving for the Jay-Z and Mary concert in 30minutes... Excited much? I am. Be jealous if you'd like. In the life of a person like myself, you can't break moments such as these.


Oh yeah, forgive me for my absence this week. No worries, I'm baaaack.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


Everytime my name was brought up:
You would act all nonchalante
In front of an audience.
Like I was just another shawty
You put the naughty on,
But truth be told
I threw you for a loop
It's Bo.

You too old to be frontin' what you feelin'
Denzelin', acting like I'm not appealing
When I am.
Stunting like I aint money,
boy when I am.
Are you ready to stop? Cause I am.

If it Fits-Put ya Name in the Blank,

Back On my Grizzy

Thought for the day:
Realizing the realism of life and actuality: f*ck whose the baddest, a persons' status depends on salary. (Nas ft. AZ)

My father says this line to no end. I was speaking with him on the phone today after he made my tuition payment (just short of 4 G's), and I could hear the frustration in his voice. I am one of 9. I am also the first he is paying for in college- mind you, he only pays part of my tuition. Nonetheless, he's feeling the struggle financially. He's trying to balance me, his private businesses, and the rest of his children. I feel for him. Nonetheless, I constantly remind him that he will get "return on his investments". I just need him to "ride it out these 4 years". As I told him today, "I'm grinding."

I repeated the quote above more than a time or two, and I realized just how true it was in regards to my situation. I'm in college. People are foolish enough to believe that this is strictly a popularity contest. How could you be so dumb to believe that college has nothing to do with your career later on? Degrees, diplomas, majors? Focus man. You had time for the nonsense in high school. I truly believe that college is about networking, and "doing what you have to do so you can do what you want to do." Upon graduation- the only thing of importance is what you're doing with the time you spent prepping to walk across stage and receive that highly anticipated sheet of paper.

I don't know what everyone else has planned, but I plan on getting it. My immediate family, god children, and the generations ahead of me will definitely be taken care of. The time I spend in this stage of my life will -in no way, shape, or form- be wasted. Especially at my fathers expense.

Just to throw this whole post off, another hot line that's been in my head today:
"I bomb atomically, Socrates' philosophies and hypotheses can't define how I be droppin' these mockeries." (Wu-Tang)

Lyrically Inclined- Inclined to get Lyrical,

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Ultimate Hustler

I was sitting in English class Monday morning and we're comparing Martha Stewart to Rachel Ray. To the less informed (like myself, a student sitting beside me definitely had to school me), Rachel Ray is the modern day, more exciting version of Martha Stewart. As I said, we're comparing them, and it hits me... MRS. STEWART IS A Mutha F'n Hustla!

This woman has a Kmart clothing line (kind of a big deal), her own show, a ready-made home furnishings line complimentary to her clothes... she's in Wikipedia for crying out loud! As they say here in Philly (and NY)... that's crazy son.

Get Like You? No, Get Like Martha.

Monday, March 24, 2008

INTRODUCING... Untitled/Home of the Free

Hey you guys! This is the performance from last week where I was asked to do the introduction. I was hype. So what. Secondly, I truly appreciate the feedback on "A Double Minded Man..." I really wanted to know how others felt about that since it definitely threw me for a loop. Something a few pointed out that I didn't even take note of: the woman's approach. She definitely didn't step to the man in love. Anywho, without further ado:

*And again, it's sideways.
I tried to rotate it this time.. again. I really did.
However: If I rotate it on Windows Media Maker,
it won't upload without errors.
As usual, it be like that sometimes.

Feeling good-Feeling great,

ps: After the show- the host, Ariana, (*shouties) offered to help me work on my performances. Again, I was oober excited. She said I did very well for someone who was new to spoken word and with a few more things, I could be outstanding. We're going to work in a room with mirrored walls so I can see myself entirely when performing. I'll let ya'll know how that goes. Random: I FINALLY uploaded the pics from spring break. You will definitely be getting the update on my community service experience sometime soon.

Remember me?

It's only right that I used to love The Lyricist Lounge Show. God bless MTV. If you don't remember this, you missed out- there aren't many clips on Youtube. Nonetheless, allow me to enlighten you a bit:

The Lyricist,

*Be sure to read A Double Minded Man... I really want feed back on that post.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

A Double Minded Man.. unstable in all his ways (James 1:8).

(*Thanking Cal for passing me this one) I watched this video (the one below) and it really got me thinking about my beliefs and my musical preference. The video (which you'll watch) basically questions a man about claiming Christianity and advocating hip-hop artists that speak against what the Bible preaches. Of all people, it's not hard to believe that I had a hard time digesting this video. 

First and foremost, my religion is important to me. Secondly, I am a hip hop head by my own admission. However, when the questions the interviewer asked this man tested his faith, he was quick to stumble. I like to believe I'm well spoken and sure of my stances on issues I am passionate about, but I'm sure I would have begin stuttering upon the same questions, giving the same half-ass answers.

I can't say that I'm well studied in the works of the Bible. That would be blasphemous. Nonetheless, I can't claim complete ignorance. I am fully aware that you can't be of God and be of the world. Meaning: you can't be one of God's children, bask in his glory, claim all of his goodness yet still be in love with material luxuries and find happiness in things that aren't favorable in His eyes. I know this. 

Me claiming Christianity doesn't mean I'm claiming perfection, I definitely fall short. And to be honest, when it comes to my musical preference- I can't say this is an issue that I'm actively going about changing. I really have to look into this, see how I feel about it, develop a real opinion about what needs to be done. Although truthfully, the Bible puts it plain enough- I know music that doesn't glorify God needs to abandoned. HOWEVER, if and when I pursue this part of my walk with God- breaking my ties with hip-hop will be problematic (to say the least).

In regards to some of the things mentioned in the video: God doesn't like when we approve of things He is against, even if we don't partake in them. This gets kind of fuzzy for me, because I also know that people aren't supposed to seek approval from other people and it is not in my place to judge. Judge not, that ye be not judged (Matthew 7:1). With that being said, who am I to approve of someone else's actions? Secondly, I do not believe that all of these rappers are anti-Christ. That term is a bit severe.

 Furthermore, I don't believe that these lyrics will condemn them to hell. Granted, you are supposed to shine light on the world when you are knowledgeable and capable of influencing any person (not just large numbers). Nonetheless, the Lord also knows your heart. However, the conflict I have with this thought is- if you are saved and count on the fact that the Lord knows your heart when you are wrong, then you aren't really saved because you should want to be a representation of God at all times- not rely on His forgiveness to get by at times when you want to be of the world. 

I feel like I am about to start ranting, so I'm going to cut this here. Clearly, this video evoked a lot of thought on my part.

Practice what You Preach?

ps- If you have not read the Bible in its' entirety and are more of a visual learned, I HIGHLY recommend seeing Passion of the Christ. Not only will it increase your appreciation of the struggles the Lord endured for you, it will shed a different light (give a different perspective) of His purpose. However, let me remind you that is a man-made film and a mere interpretation of the Bible. It's nothing concrete, just a visual aid.

*I'll be posting my performance from last Thursday on Monday (3/24), be on the lookout for a post that starts with "INTRODUCING..."

Thursday, March 20, 2008

INTRODUCING... Everlasting Incarceration

*We already reached the conclusion that if the post title included "INTRODUCING" that it's a performance, so... yeah. The lights were off so you can't see me, and the projector in the back is flashing the names of Philadelphia murder victims. Random fact: People killed by police aren't counted in Philadelphia's murder rate. They're considered "police incidents". Accidents of course. Yeah... right.

I attended this venue last night given by a Latin sorority called "Death ends... with the push of my pen." It was centered around the murder rate in Philadelphia. It hit me in the heart. They had an open mic area, and since the criminal life is related to this issue- I just went up on a whim. It's short and sweet, still doesn't hurt to share. I'll post more on the actual event when I get back to my room. I'm in the tech center right now. You definitely should know about it though. The turn out wasn't all that great, but I think it just wasn't promoted well. Anywho:

Think About It,

ps: I was asked to open up for the venue I normally perform open mic at. So, tonight- I will be doing just that. I was so honored. I'll be writing more about this later. Long story short: I'm moving on up :)

Theme music? But, of course.

"I promise mama, I'ma do it cause I know I put you through it.
And I just want you to sit around w/ your friends @ a dinner table
And say my baby's famous and I knew it...
Closer to my dreams"

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Hip Hop Saved my Life

If you listened to my performance posted in "INTRODUCING... My Girl, Hip-Hop", the last line is "Hip hop you saved my life." It was taken from this song. The video was just released. I'm a little late in the day, nonetheless- enjoy.

Quit w/ All the Rubbish, You Know You Love It,

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Searching for "Sun" Love

Even after all this time...
The sun never says to the Earth,
"You owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that.
It lights the whole sky.

A woman somewhere in Colombia found this lion hurt and about to die. She took care of him until he was too big for her house; then, she sent him to a local zoo. This was the reaction she got when visiting the lion at the zoo for the first time. This impressed me, way much. I watched it a good 4 times and a genuine smile appeared each time.

Wondering about REAL Love,

Monday, March 17, 2008

INTRODUCING... He, Me, & She

Let's just go on the record and say that anytime a post starts off with "INTRODUCING...", it will be a video of one of my performances. With that being said, this is the piece I performed at Philalive the week before spring break. I felt like such a punk for the tears, but "it be like that sometimes". Can you tell I've adopted that as my new favorite quote?

I've come to the realization that once I put my pen to paper and a piece is developed, for the most part- I've cleansed my soul of the emotion. Granted, I cried my little eyes out once I finished this piece, I felt extremely relieved. "Can't be nothing all that wrong with crying. Anybody says they're that strong, they're lying" (Lyfe Jennings). In response to the belief that all of you can't be for sale- You get back what you put out. That's why I give my everything. Washing my hands and being done with it, peep game:

*This is rotated the wrong way. I don't know why.
I tried uploading it from a bunch of others places to fix it
BUT I'm having a major hard time.
So, just listen. You'll get it.

"Just Might be Okay After All",

*What would life be without theme music?

Sunday, March 16, 2008

I Am My Fathers Child

I'm nowhere near Italian. However, I have learned to take much pride in my family name. My favorite phrase used to be, "I'm a Harg----", which was my way of saying my last name held weight- if only by my families admission. Whatever the case, my grandfather drove me to the airport yesterday and he said something that lit a fuse within me. He said:

"The honor of a family is born by the woman... literally and symbolically.
The men defend and protect it."

He's good with his, right? :)
Seriously though, that statement was so simple but held so much truth. A family is dependent upon its' women for two reasons. The family name can not be extended without her existence, and she is the person who lays down the morals and values in which the family stands on. The job of the man is to protect that family name, by any means. No matter how honorable of a man you think you are, a woman instilled those characteristics in you. Trust. Furthermore, I keep the cards people give me if they touch me in a personal way. My aunt, my grandfather's daughter, once wrote:

"Never be afraid to be different.
You come from a line of strong, smart, and beautiful black women,
and you fit in so well."

*3 generations: History in the making.

Flattering much? I shouldn't have been so suprised though. I am fully aware what carrying the name means. I know what is expected of me. I know what I am capable of and the standards I should live up to. I will do all of this, be all of that, and then some.

A Proud Woman,

Note to Self

Two things in life are certain.

1. It won’t be easy
2. True love changes everything.

Combine the two: True love won’t be easy.

"If ya don't know-Now ya know",

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Friend or Foe? State ya Biz.

friend (noun)
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter
1. a relationship less intimate than friendship
2. personal knowledge or information about someone or something
foe (noun)
1. a person who feels enmity, hatred, or malice toward another; enemy
2. a person who is opposed in feeling, principle, etc., to something
3. a thing that is harmful to or destructive of something

Upon coming home, my dad told me that my relationship with my god father could no longer be existent. There are more details then I care to reveal, but long story short- ten years ago, my god father intended to harm my dad- in the worse way possible. Since then, he's been walking around him as a best friend would: hanging with our family, borrowing things, asking for help, showing concern for our well being, etc. Jigga always says it best:

"Niggas see you in the street, pretend to be friendly,
but I know any type of success breeds envy.
I know in the back of your mind your conjuring ways to hit me,
leave my friends in a circle pouring out Henny."

With that being said, it was a huge wake up call for me. I know that (even though) I have trust issues, I can also be too trusting. It's hard determining what a persons' status should be in your life. In allowing a person to come close to you, you give them power to affect your emotions. Isn't life cruel? Seriously though. It's not like people have "good intentions", "genuine person", or "I mean you harm" tattooed on their forehead upon meeting you. As a result, you have to be so guarding of those you let in.

I don't want to have to reduce people's status with me just to keep myself protected. Everyone can't be a mere acquaintance. People come into your life for reasons and for seasons- guess I just need to start sorting into the proper categories.

It be Like That Sometimes,

Back in the Days

*Can you guess which one is me in both pictures?

Speaking of children (the post below), I've been thinking a lot lately about the way life turns. Wait, that's not the right wording. I've just been thinking about how I am actually an adult now. I can make my own decisions, and these decisions can effect my future in a tremendous way if they are severe. It's crazy. They always say, "you're going to wish you could rewind." Here I am, thinking of how easy it used to be. No matter the struggles that may have occurred around you- being a child was so carefree. Now it's adult situations that require adult responses and resolutions that come with adult consequences. Yuck!

Theme song:

"I miss those days and so I pout like a grown jerk...
Wishin all I had to do now was finish homework."


*I'm in the middle of the first picture and the miniature diva on the left with a bunch of hair and forehead in the last picture.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Hello World, Welcome Christian Kamari

It's pretty known that I have 2 god daughters whom I adore. Well, as of March 12th- I now have a god son. He was born at 11:05pm (if I'm not mistaken) weighing 8lbs-1oz. and given the name Christiane Kamari Pearson. Smittened much? I am.
I was actually in New Orleans when my friend went into labor. She had been whining all break about me deciding to not come home. So, as Karma would have it, she goes into labor while I am who knows how many miles away and I end up crying- feeling bad because I'm not there. Not to mention she had a very hard labor. Nonetheless, I was kept up to date and checked in periodically. All is well now. I actually rode the bus back with my fellow community servers from Louisiana. It was stopping in Winston-Salem, which is an hour outside of Charlotte (where I stay), so I just got off there and my father picked me up. So, yes, I have seen him. He has completed my spring break. I couldn't ask for more.

A Proud God Mom,

ps- If no one has told you, children are a blessing. In more ways than I care to describe, God knew what He was doing by giving me God children. Christian's father died while he was in the womb (his mother is the friend I've mentioned in "Mistake Overturned"). I only ask that you keep him in your prayers. I know I am not his mother but I found myself walking Bourbon St. (still in New Orleans at the time) wondering if he would feel a lack of love or grow up feeling like there is a void where his father should be. I know that God makes no mistakes though and He will bring him through this. God giveth and God taketh away.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Just What I Needed

Community service beauty on duty.

::Inhales a breath of fresh air::

Hello readers!
I'm posting this blog from a computer in Tulane University (located in New Orleans, Louisiana). We aren't given Internet access here, but we are using their showers and have an hour of free time. So, here I am- doing what I (like to believe) I do best. Anywho, I tried to post a video of the performance I did last Friday before leaving for Louisiana/Mississippi, as well as let you know that I wouldn't be able to blog until we returned back from our community service project on Friday... BUT the video was taking forever to upload, actually-it wasn't uploading at all. The blog wasn't posting either. Lucky me.

Nonetheless, all is well. Long story short (because I want to get a quick run in and hit the showers before we go hear this man speak on the ecosystem), this trip was just what I needed.

I... B Harg... can now build a wooden fence. Meaning, if you need a fence and for a small fee (not including the price of tools)- I got you. I've been standing in up to a foot of mud. Might not sound like much, but cleaning out a swamp when you don't know the depth is pretty hilarious. An African woman on our trip (who I've decided is 100% gangster) was walking and got stuck up to her knees and screamed, "Agghhh! It's a quick mud! Help!" Too funny. "A quick mud", not just "quick mud". Gotta love those foreigners. She wasn't about to die, so I had the right to laugh. Back to the program: I was bundling trees that would be dropped in the river to help with erosion (not so fun, this event was something I didn't take pictures of-not to mention I left my camera on the bus). I've been riding four wheelers like crazy as well.

Sorry I'm not able to post. I didn't notice how much I missed blogging until my fingers started hitting the key board. Okay, I'm lying. I bother this girl with laptop every day to see if she has Internet access. I will be posting a bunch of pics and videos when I get back to Phila and upload everything to a computer. Just know that I'm doing fine. I've found a new appreciation for mother nature, another reminder of how real God is. I can't think of one man who could have created all this in a week. I can't think of one man who could have created all this, period. Not to mention, I have to remember there are issues occurring on in everyone else's everyday life that are so beyond me. Thought for the day: Don't get caught up on life's previews, you might miss the big picture. Hope your spring break (if you're on one) is as gratifying as mine.

Nothing but Happiness,

ps- I have also seen the biggest mosquitoes I've ever seen in my life and the hype on Bourbon St. is real, it's not exaggerated at all. There's a definite nightlife here in the N.O.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

INTRODUCING... My Girl, Hip-Hop

It's me!
(Excited much?)
I am.

This is the performance I promised you all, performed at Philalive 2 weeks ago. The first line you can't hear is "I dedicate this to my girl, hip-hop".

Forever Faithful to H.E.R.,

What You Miss by Being A Christian

I make a habit to grab the pamphlets I see people passing out on the street, because they're normally religion oriented, and I like to see how other religions are represented or misrepresented. I was on my way to my first class, and a woman gave me two small pamphlets. The first pamphlet was the one pictured above. Needless to say, it caught my attention. Here I am, a Christian, thinking "What in t he world could you mean- what you miss by being a Christian!?" I flipped it open, saw the world Hell, and just said duh to myself. Too quick to react, too slow to listen. What else is new? Anywho, this put a smile on my face. Just sharing the joy.

Their other pamphlets or tracts can be found at the Fellowship Tract League website.

We Just Might be Okay After All,


Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Victim of Circumstance, No More


"Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything.
Pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about.
And that's what you get for falling again..." (Pretty Girl- Sugarcult)

I need a moment to feel bad, a moment to pour my heart out, a moment to be hurt. If you don't care to read this-that's fine. It's more therapy for me then entertainment for you.

I am a victim of circumstance.
I too easily lose myself in situations before weighing the risk and outcome.
I see the hazard signs before crashing, yet I still stick around for the ending.
I open my heart to people with hopes that they'll do the same.
I am genuine. I expect the same sincerity from others.

"I never ask for nothing I don't demand of myself"

Problem with that is, everyone is not me. Therefore, they won't live their life the way I live mine. They will not love the way I love. They will not cherish the same things I consider sacred. And even when their acts are remotely similar, they still aren't me.

I allow myself to be hurt by people because I'm too quick to put my trust into someone and give my heart away. I ask you to prove your worth (just a little), and when you give me a glimpse of something that might make you a valuable person in my life- I no longer require proof. Who am I to require proof? The real question is: Who am I not to? I love hard. I love real. I give my all. I deserve the same back.

"Respect is just a minimum"
(Lauryn Hill)

Lesson learned: you take baby steps before crawling. Granted, I am not afraid of heights- diving in head first is not always the best option. For the most part, it seldomly ever is. Before offering so much of myself to someone, I must be sure they realize the value of what I am bringing to the table. What I have to offer. Not only should they take heed, but they should respect it. Respect is earned, not given. Passing it out in portions must cease. A person can claim to respect you, but actions speak tenfold in comparison to the lies they may tell. The proof is in the pudding. Wait for the pudding to take form. The ingredients could always make something else if distributed in different proportions.

"Never been a dumb dude, no I'm not dense.
Just had a slight lack of common sense"

Self: don't be so easily swayed. "If you knew better, you'd do better". I know better. My actions should be a reflection of such. No, everyone is not the same, but experience is the best teacher and repetitive actions hold truth. Remember them. Apply them. Don't let up on them. Not even for a minute.

"Lust can sometimes override trust.
She said that's why she gave it up."

Everyone does not know how to demonstrate self-control. Don't expect them to. As soon as a persons actions reveal this much about them, leave them be. Don't wait for them to do something as a result of their lack of self control that could effect you worse than it did the first time. You got a glimpse of what they were capable of when deciding to be careless and irresponsible, what else are you waiting on?

"It's not an easy thing to do.
Sometimes it's hard to face the truth.
It's not the life that I would choose,
but what else can I do if he don't love me
and he dont want me?
I'm not about to sit around and let myself go."

A person's reasons for not staying are just that, their own. I can't lose myself as a result of their feelings (easier said than done). I can't make someone decide that I am worth monogamy. If they don't realize it, then they weren't meant to. I can not change this, so it would be best if I accepted it and kept on moving.

"Something told me to check my time
if I'm the one whose always crying.
Excuses after excuses, pretending that we exclusive."

If I seem to be the only person in a relationship that is having a hard time, then chances are that I am in a relationship alone. The spin put on it to make it seem like more than what it is does not mean anything if it's not the truth.

"There aint no substitute for the truth, either it is or it isn't.
You see the truth it needs no proof. Either it is or it isn't."
(India Arie)

Though things may seem a certain way, especially if they are supposed to provide me some sort of comfort, it doesn't matter unless that's what they truly are. We all know when things aren't as they seem. Faking myself into believing a situation is more then what it truly is only sets me up for disappointment. Be real with yourself by acknowleding the truth.

"And you're so guilty it's disgusting."
(Taking Back Sunday)

When the truth is not pleasant, don't chalk it up and push it aside. Accept it. For that matter, the truth hurts. It may even anger you. Nonetheless, it's still the truth. Facts are facts. Guilty as charged.

"If it's over, let it go and when you wake up
it will seem so yesterday, so yesterday.
I'm just a bird that's already flown away.
Laugh it off, let and go and when you wake up
it will seem so yesterday, so yesterday.
Haven't you heard, I'm going to be okay?"
(Hilary Duff)

I am a survivor. Nothing more or less, and every experience is just another chapter in a book of lessons I have learned. No hanging on, no regrets, but most importantly: No looking back.

"I forgive you, but I can't give you
another chance- you're in my rearview."

If a person is no longer apart of my life, they were meant to be a thing of the past. Leave them there, and if this pertains to a relationship- maybe there is a chance of friendship. However, that's only if respect was involved. If not, no- there is no room for a friendship because even friends respect each other.

"I'm convinved I aint got shit to ask you...
I aint looking at you no more.
I'm looking past you."

It does not matter what will come once a relationship is gone. I have to stop caring whether or not they will feel like they made a mistake, whether or not they will miss me, whether or not they will have a hard time moving on. These things are irrelevant. The more I hang onto them, the more affect they have on me when I'm told about them.

"Makes me that much stronger,
makes me work a little bit harder,
makes me that much wiser,
so thanks for making me a fighter.
Made me learn a little bit faster,
make my skin a little bit thicker,
made me that much smarter,
so thanks for making me a fighter."
(Christina Aguilera)

Maybe the things I have experienced are causing me to become a bit more cold, a bit less trusting, a bit more cautious- but 'it be like that sometimes'.

This is what you wanted right? I'm gone & I'll be fine,

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The Only Man I Can Depend On

...You are the only one
that's patient when I fall.
Your angel's come to save me
every time I call
You don't laugh at me
when I make mistakes and cry.
You're not like man.
You understand me.
See people change;
One day they don't like you,
the next they do.
I wish that everyone
could love me just like you.
So here I am- this sinful man,
peace won't allow.
I was wondering can you hold me now?

...To every broken person
that may hear this song.
To every boy or girl
that feels their smile is gone.
I know exactly how it feels
to lay in the bed at night,
and cry... and cry.
But don't you worry,
God is faithful and He cares
about the tears you drop
and the pain you feel-He's there.
When you are weak
that's when He's strong,
even though you don't know how.
God can and he will hold you know.

Finding comfort in the man most worthy of my attention,

Monday, March 3, 2008

Amazing Grace

Dear Readers,
(nothing major) I was sitting in the SAC (upscale cafeteria for non-Temple goers) talking with some of my girlies. A topic came to the table that brought me major discomfort. It wasn't major discomfort so much, but it was a topic that aggravated me to the core. If you know me well, you know that I don't have a high tolerance for females. Immature females to be specific. Immature, false information feeding, overly dramatic females to be exact. All my thoughts regarding the female mentioned in the conversation were weighing on my mind, and I was in some sort of a daze.

Whatever the case, everyone had decided to leave, and I was suddenly in my zone to write poetry. So... that's exactly what I did. I sat at a table in the corner of the SAC and poured my heart out on paper. I can't begin to explain the satisfaction I felt once it was finished. It felt as if a HUGE load had been taken off my shoulders, and all my feelings were out there. God blessed me. The ability to express myself in written form is a definite blessing. It's therapeutic, and I'm thankful for this talent. As the saying goes: "Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God".

Writing my Little Heart Out (literally),

TV: A Distracted, Naive Bubble

This video talks about the lack of knowledge people are receiving from any source of information besides the television. Maybe this is only interesting me, but I'm a journalism major. Sue me. This stuff matters. Ever heard of the North American Union, Amero, borderless communities between America, Mexico, and Canada? Didn't think so.

"Because less than 3% of you people read books.
Because less than 15% of you read newspapers.
Because the only truth you know is what you get over this tube."

Reading books (newspapers is a work in progress),

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Someone You Don't Meet Twice- Rent or Mortgage?

"Like a house, a good woman is a good asset,
And I'm tired of sitting around on my asset-
Waiting for you to appreciate my equity."

-(some) Tyler Perry Play

*Theme music:

A Star Shining in the Broad Daylight-Something You Don't See All The Time,

ps- Happy Birthday Daddy!

Saturday, March 1, 2008

That's Just the Way It Is

This will be somewhat of a blur but the main two focus points are: 1- My friends mom was cleaning her car outside today, blasting Biggie and Pac. Some more songs brought my soul back with the throw back. God bless the reminders of why I'm forever faithful to hip-hop. (*listening to Changes hit me in the heart most-take heed to the words if you never gave them a true listen) Post the songs for you? Of course I will. You didn't have to ask silly rabbit.

2- It's definitely 'one of those days'. Two days ago (Feb.28) was the date my mom passed, 9 yrs. ago. I was talking with my friends mom and cousin about it today. Haven't spoken on her death, in detail, in a while. It really was a side note to someone commenting on how well I handle it, and my rebuttal being-I will probably lose it when my maternal grandmother passes. That little girl below (in the previous post) may be my heart, but my grandmother is my pulse. She keeps me going.

Beyond that, maybe it's just me: but being the center of attention every now and then is nice. Call me old fashion or an extremist, but genuine affection goes a long way as well. From time to time a kiss on the forehead, a hug with an embrace that last a little longer than normal, or one of those all knowing gazes that communicates the most affectionate words through silence is wanted. If I'm in the house as your guest, I probably want to be in your presence. Just a thought.

Lastly, thank God for my stability. I've been sitting back and listening to the things happening around me lately, and I've reached the conclusion that it could always be worse. The only thing constant in the world is change. If I can't count on anything, I can rest assured that things will change. 'That's just the way it is. Things will never be the same.' Lesson learned today: (who else but Jay put it best?) The best to emerge in the game is the watcher. Sitting back from situations gives you the perfect view.

A little of a lot but that's just how I'm feeling,

Random: If you want closure in your relationship, start with your legs. -Big Boom


I was going to leave a post about how horrible my last couple of days have been. I (think I) bombed a Political Science exam. I missed a train (or two) when I had somewhere to be. I fell out with someone close to me, and got into an argument with someone I wanted to get things right with. Then, my baby sister called. She's 3 yrs. old, and though she hasn't been on Earth that long- I can't imagine life without her. Her voice brought me back to a relaxed place. So, instead of the post I was going to write about how bad things are, I'll end with a quote from Lupe Fiasco: "Some days it aint sunny, but it aint so hard." Oh yeah, I'm in Delaware for the weekend so my post may be limited. Maybe. Nothing is certain just yet.

"When it comes to being true, at least true to me:
One thing I've found-oh know you've never let me down." -Kanye

AWOL: Away Without Leave,