Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Take Ya Bow & Stay Down

I don't claim to be anybody's song critic or promoter. That's really not the purpose of my blog. Nonetheless, I let ya'll know what I'm feeling... with that being said, this is MJB's new song Stay Down and Rihanna's new song Take ya Bow. One of the videos just released today. I'm definitely feeling them. The Rihanna lyrics had me hooked in the car when I heard it for the first time last Thursday. I just paid attention to Mary's lyrics and have been playing them all day. It doesn't hurt that both of them look gorgeous in these videos. Here you have it:

Standing Ovation,

Monday, April 28, 2008

My Mother's Child

I guess you can say my mother's been on my mind a lot lately. I saw my god children over the weekend. My god son's father died while he was still in his mothers womb. I worry and wonder how he will be affected by it. I can only wonder what my mother thinks of everything I'm doing now...

R.I.P. Mommy
July 14, 1966- February 28, 1999

Her Skinny Mini/Pecan Tan/ Beetle Bug,


(no comments preferred, I just felt like I'd be denying my feelings if I didn't post the blog since it's on my mind heavy and I'm quick to put all my other feelings out there)

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Become A Good Woman

The authors unbeknownst to me, and most may have heard it before, but there's nothing wrong with repetition.

You say you want a Good Man
And when it comes to finding one you won't.
Because when it comes to really wanting one,
Simply put; ladies you don't.
You say you want a Good Man
One that will always give you hugs,
But every time I turn around
You're always chasing after thugs.
You say you want a Good Man
Well I'm here to tell you that's not true
Because the last one that came your way,
Wasn't tall enough for you.
You say you want a Good Man
Cause you're tired of trifling mess
But you rolled your eyes at the last one
Because you didn't like the way he dressed.
You say you want a Good Man
One that will have you for his wife
Yet every time you come across one,
You say he's just too nice.
You say you want a Good Man
Now I'm not saying you should make him beg.
But a brother should at least know your first and last name.
Before you open up your legs.
See if you try that with a Good Man,
In you he won't be pleased.
For he realizes, just like he could have,
Other brothers have had you with ease.
Now in order to get a Good Man
You need to listen; see it's in your favor.
Starting with the fact that no Good Man
Wants a woman who curses like a sailor.
And in your quest to find a Good Man
Listen as if it's Law.
You'll never find a good man,
If you always label him as a dog.
See a Good Man wants a woman
That expects to receive his best.
But you will never ever find one,
If you keep settling for less.
Now if you've found a man
That you think might be right for you.
You'll know he's not a Good man
If he won't go to church with you.
For in the life of a Good Man
You're not first, but don't take it hard.
See you're standing right there next to him,
But you're second after God.
So if you still would like a Good Man
One that will make a real good husband.
There's only one thing left for you to do
And that's simply become a Good Woman.

Ooh Mommy-I Want One of Those,


What Makes You So Different?

In applying for schools, there were all types of essays I had to write. I'm home for the weekend since my baby sister turned 4, and I was looking on my desktop computer at all the old documents I have saved. One of the essay questions was what's the biggest experience I've been through, how did it affect me, and what did I learn? Wanna read it... here it goes: (and yes, I quoted a Jigga line for my college application- who else but me?)

"I just play the hand I'm dealt, I can't say I never knelt before God and asked for better cards at times to no avail, but I never sat back feeling sorry for myself.." Jay-Z

I did not win any medals; I did not have an outer body experience or survive a natural disaster. I outlived my mother.

In what way did this affect me? The word I find most appropriate to describe my growth is strength. Strength: because I overcame my fear of death. It was not an easy experience, but I learned to accept that dying is inevitable and uncontrollable. Strength: because I learned how to deal with my emotions/confront them rather then avoiding them. Running from my feelings was hindering my personal growth; once I faced my feelings head on I was able to progress. Strength: because I learned how to adapt to new environments. Being in unfamiliar territory made me uncomfortable, and that feeling can easily defeat a person. By learning to adapt, I learned how to survive.

Strength: because I learned how to communicate with people without getting defensive when they ask sensitive questions/show interest in my personal life. Learning this allowed me to open up to people and relate to them on levels reaching beyond the surface. Strength: because I learned the value of selflessness, putting others before myself, a value I consider one of the most important characteristics a person can obtain. A value I could have only learned by watching my grandmother care for my brother and me daily without regard to most of her personal needs.

Strength: because I learned how to get along with another female head figure in a household, my stepmother, that is not of my blood and appreciate her input or genuine concern for me. It was hard to accept punishment, restrictions, or discipline from anyone but my birth mother. However, once I realized my stepmothers' concern for me was not fabricated, regardless if came from her womb; I was also able to accept the love and comfort she could provide. Strength: because I did not let a negative situation consume me and determine the outcome of the rest of my life.

I could have written an essay about some charitable organization, my church youth group, or being born premature. However, I thought this experience was more personable. Most people write about things in life they have some control over or have chosen to experience; I chose to write about the unpredictable. At some point in life, we all must experience the death of a loved one. The way we cope with the death will determine the type of person we become and the character we build. You could let their death consume you and live the rest of your life in sorrow, or you could cherish their memory/the lessons learned and grow from it. In closing, the author Washington Irving once said, "Small minds are subdued by misfortunes, greater minds overcome them."

A Survivor... Still,

Duck, Duck, Goose!

What can you say when the world around you seems to be dying? What can be done when you’re screaming at the top of your lungs to stand out, yet everyone’s so relaxed in their conformity that you only appear to be making purposeless noise? Who do you turn to when the world has turned their back because, unlike them, you made the decision long ago that assimilation was not the way? To put it simply... what do you do when you’re the only one standing in a group of sitting ducks?

The answer to this question is easy... continue standing. Continue to be uncompromising. In a world where most girls idolize Barbie and boys are pressured to be the all-Americans their fathers never could, there has to be someone fighting for a cause that has nothing to do with the standards set by society. There has to be someone hoping to set their own standard. No one has to tell you what you should be passionate about or when you should show genuine concern for reasons beyond yourself. It shouldn’t take someone close to you dying of AIDS for you to notice the masses of children in Africa dying from the disease daily.

Don’t care because someone told you that’s the right thing to do. Don’t fight for something because others close to you are so passionate about it. Find something important to you for reasons only you may understand and dig deep inside yourself to cause change on that issue. Find something worth dying for, and instead, live for it.

Duck-Duck-Goose... You're It,

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Wack Cats is Dug Less Than Frederick

Get it?
If not... listen to Sock spit it.

Sock the Rapper, representing Largo of the DMV area.

No, I'm not repeating what DMV stands for- read the blog more avidly and you wouldn't be lost. Hint: It's defined in the post 'Hype for DC Like Shyt'. Anywho, If you watched the video before reading the post- I think it's pretty evident that he's kind of a big deal. I posted the cover of his album and the link to downloading it when it first released on my blog a week back (Blatant Promotion), and if you haven't already checked it out OR you were just too lazy to download something that would take up more space on your comp when you weren't sure if it was worth it... there's ya preview. See what you were missing? Yet another "head banger, hit maker, conscious thinker" type vibe. Can never get enough.

He was actually doing an interview with W.H.I.P. Radio (a Philly radio broadcast, the acronym stands for 'We Have Infinite Potential') where his producer and manager (Donovan Young/Dominique Wilkins) were present, and that was the last part of the interview. It's actually broken down into 4 sections, but that was too many videos to post-and I feel like raw talent speaks for itself so ya'll didn't need the pretense leading up to the hype. Nonetheless, you know I don't mind summarizing.

Most importantly, the host compared him to Common and Lupe THE Fiasco. Major, much? Always modest, he was quick to say he was flattered but he didn't care to be compared, and my only response to that is- in the words of Tupac, "I aint mad atcha." He speaks from the heart. His lines aren't gangsta rap and street struggles. He didn't grow up dealing drugs, so all that hodge podge is unnecessary. It's conscious music with a message. Be on the lookout for something new to drop out around his birthday in September. I guess he figures he can bless ya'll (yes, ya'll- respect my Southern drawl) on the same day the world was blessed with him... how thoughtful :)

O yeah, if you were wondering where "Sock The Rapper" came from: his real name is Nosakhere (pronounced Nuh-sock-kruh). Let him tell it, that wasn't an easy name to pronounce at 2 so his older brother called him that- and once again, him being modest and not one for a flashy pen name- just let it ride.

It's Okay to be Impressed w/ Young Talent...
If You Aren't- You're Either a Hater or Don't Know Good Music,

*And for the slower ones who are still confused by the title of this post: Dug less then Frederick- Frederick Douglass. Get it? If not, just forget it-
I can lead you to the water, but I can't make you drink. You clearly don't listen to rap or don't fully understand the usage or power of punch lines.

I Will Not Lose

I guess I've come to forget what my one and only tattoo is supposed to signify. It reads, "She and Survival were long time friends." At the time I got it, I had made it through one of the most trying times in my whole 18 years... it may not be much to you, but when it's all you know- it counts for something. Anywho, in getting the tattoo, it was a permanent note to self that I am a survivor. If I can not be sure of anything, I can rest comfortably knowing that I will make it out.

As Mos Def once said, "I am black. That means you can put me up against anything and I'll match." Simple minds would only associate black and matching with colors. My interpretation was that-in being a black person, he was able to make it through all endeavors. I believe I possess this same capability. My grandmother was the first person to tell me this surrounding the death of my mother, and grandma knows everything SO it has to be true.

Seriously though, the month of April (hell, even the month of March) has found me feeling a bit defeated. Earlier in April, I had heard Listen by Beyonce for the first time in a while and it seemed like she was speaking to me. I remember my problem first semester was that I was came to college and set expectations for myself that were given to me by others.

This semester, I just find myself with a lack of ambition, focus, and anything else needed to stay on track. I'm definitely not lacking in the sleep department, sadly enough. And the relationship troubles... whether or not the relationships were serious or worth the title of relationships hasn't been half stepping either.

Whatever the case... yet again, I am in the Tech Center at 6 in the morning doing some late night work and the guy [I originally wrote boy, but it sounded demeaning when I re-read it] sitting behind me is blasting Listen. I didn't post it on my blog the last time I heard it because I wanted the video from the actual movie. I felt like Ms. Knowles (or should I say Mrs. Carter?) sung her heart out and was looking at Jamie Foxx in a way that made it clear exactly what she meant. I couldn't find that version- so, in the spirit of being defeated, the video went unposted.

However, being the survivor I am and the manufacturer of rainbows throughout every storm- I've decided to post the song this time. Maybe somebody else needs to hear it just as much as I did. It's not the video version I wanted, but the message is the same. Not to mention, Beyonce does enough neck rolling and finger snapping for you to know she was just as serious as when she was looking at Mr. Foxx...

Without further adue:

Living a Life I've Started & Will Complete,

Hype for DC Like Shyt!

So... today was one of those "blah- I really don't feel like caring or faking sincerity" days: hence 'My Testimony' below.

Mr. Francis posted this song on his page, but I just didn't feel like being caught up in his DC/Wale hype. His blog is a walking blimp for the DMV (DC, Maryland, VA) area, and I already stated how my mood was. However, here I sit in the tech posting my happy bunny about life and Dom (who has a blog and will be back from hiatus soon- yes, I will be seeing to that personally so check it out) comes over telling me to peep this song. He can also be credited with ending my stimulating conversations drought. Back to the program though, after listening to it-all I can say is, "I couldn't imagine going through it without soul music." Some have it twisted and are fooled into thinking that soul music has to be slow and sensuous. It's soul music if it hits you in the heart. Don't you know nothing?

Anywho, a definite head banger, hit maker, conscious thinker type song is what you're about to experience... and yeah- I just coined the phrase "head banger, hit maker, conscious thinker". Jealous much? Not many songs fall into the category. This song can only be best described by a Wale line... "already great, motherfuck potential." O how I'm aching to change my facebook status to a line from this song, but I just put something new up not too long ago... and yes, that matters to me. I'll just settle for using it to close out this post :)

The Roots ft. Wale & Chrisette Michele - Rising Up

A Legend in the Flesh That Dress to Impress
The Best is That Which I Accept and Nothing Less
My Stats is Grotesque, My Squad is So Fresh...
You Know its-


Gotta Testify


Jesus Wept-Amen,
B (I'm tripping, I know)

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I Barack'd the Vote!

Buck Fush!
This is a public service announcement
sponsored by B Harg. and
the good folks of Blogger.com...

Fellow Americans,
It is with the utmost pride and sincerity that I present this writing to you, as a living testament and recollection of history in the making during our generation.

Seriously though, voting made a happy camper out of me today. I've been on the self-proclaimed injured reserved bench for going on two weeks due to this damn sickness I can't shake. However, someone reminded me that the voting primaries was today, and I made it just before the polls closed at 8 to vote for Mr. Obama. Granted, bitchassness prevailed today and Hilary won- I am still proud to say that I used my voice. You'll never catch me complaining about the President when I had every opportunity to help in his choosing YET chose to stay at home and watch the Hills. Really guys, get out there and do something. My readers don't consist of just Philly people- so if you haven't voted yet- find out when your primary is and get to it. I'm 18, today was my first chance at voting, and I took advantage of the opportunity.

Ask not what your country can do for you-
BUT what you can do for ya country,
B (Suddenly Patriotic-lol)

Man o' Man

I am posting this from my phone so forgive the grammatical errors and lack of 'eye catchy'ness. Anywho...

I have pink eye.
I have been sick for going on 2 weeks and will NEVER lie about being sick to my professors again.
I maybe.. sort of.. kinda miss 'them'.

On with the program: I have been lacking in the stimulating conversations department. Initially, I felt that it was like the condaments on a good meal...if I got it, that's nice but if not I could make due. I was wrong. It's really more of an entree. It's not most important, but it's needed for completion. With that being said:

Someone stimulate me. Please. If intellectual conversations make you break out in sweat or you're one of those who don't like to 'think too hard' (whatever that means)... you need not apply. Sidenote: I am not opposed to a specific person. I will converse with just about anyone, long as it's worth my while. I had a good convo with the BFF (marsha, marsha, marsha) , wasn't a big suprise-but the convo went deeper than I thought. Just a sidenote.

I can't sign in my trademark color from my phone,

*I'm at a comp now, fixed that ^

Thursday, April 17, 2008

What Happened to Her Hair?

"Well if I wanna shave it close or I wanna rock locks,
That don't take a bit away from the soul that I got...
18 and I went all natural...
Cause it was time to change my life
And become the woman that I am inside."

This is What Liberation Feels Like,


So I lied last week and said I was sick with the flu which is why I didn't come to class. Truly, I wasn't prepared to take the exam that was going to be given to us that day. As a result, I have been sick all week and feeling like death. Really. Hence my absence. Ugh!

Wake Me Up Inside,

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Blatant Promotion

Everyone look!
It's Sock the Rapper!

::crowd grasp for breath while in the presence of greatness::

The album of one of Largo's greatest (if not the greatest or the only... j/k) has officially been leaked to the public after much anticipation. You can download it (for free!) by clicking here. Enjoy! Seriously though, the albums finally out- take a listen... a close listen, not a quick skim. And yes, the tracks are produced by Donovan. Get any better?

::smirks face at clowns who might think so:: I think not.

No Need to Thank Me-
I Do it Cause I Love Ya'll,

Not Quite 22 Two's

As promised in the post "I'm Fucking Blown", I am hear to rant about what happened last weekend that had me so caught up, away from my blog, and feeling under the water. With that being said-

Can I kick it?
Crowd: Yes you can!
Can I kick it?
Crowd: Yes you can!
Can I kick it?
Crowd: Yes you can!

Ya'll muthafuckas must aint hear Jay-Z shit, let's do it again.

Can I kick it?
Crowd: Yes you can!
Can I kick it?
Crowd: Yes you can!
Can I kick it?
Crowd: Yes you can!
Well I'm gone. Check this out:

Too many papers due in one week.
Too much research required to finish em' which leads to spending nights in the Tech Center versus in my bed-sleep.
Too many distractions at the Tech Center to keep me off track,
Too many people in my business- please get off my back.
Too many viruses being passed during flu season.
Too many people not washing their hands in the bathroom,
which is the reason why I'm here sneezing.
Too many signals dropped on my cell during important phone calls.
Too many times where I wish my original phone hadn't got lost.
Too much to do yet...
Too little time to get it done in.
Too many phonies in my face claiming to be my best friends.
Too many people think they're slick and I'm straight stupid.
Too little people know that if you cross me, I may become ruthless.
Too many problems back at home that I can't tend to.
Too much is expected of me.
Too much I just can't do.
Too many people trying to give advice when they can't help me.
You could never do what I do, what the fuck you goin' tell me?


-I may have enjoyed that way too much. That was definitely on some nursery rhyme ish', but if Wayne would have spit it ya'll would have it on ya Facebook status' by now- don't front :)
It was how I've been feeling lately anyway so it's all good.
-And for the slower ones, I was mocking a Jigga song called 22 2's. Hence the title of this blog. Geesh! I can lead you to the water. I can't make you drink. Seriously though, here it is:

Monday, April 14, 2008

I Pray That You See Jesus (pt. 2)

This is the sequel to the blog posted on Ash Cakes page.
Click here to read "I Pray That You See Jesus, pt. 1"

::Takes a deep breath::

I've mentioned in a blog before about my pastor proposing the question to the church congregation back in N. Carolina, "If you were the only Bible a person ever read, what would their testimony be?"

I remember in high school my best friend once told me that I was a good Bible. It was one of the sweetest compliments I ever received. However, I got to thinking- and I don't know if her testament would still be the same. True indeed, she doesn't interact with many people that claim and practice Christianity, so there aren't many things she can compare me to. Nonetheless, I know better. Granted, I believe myself to be one of those "good people" I mentioned in the post before this- I still don't have any "wing worthy accomplishments" to speak of, and it seems like I've been striving to obtain them on a much smaller scale than I used to be.

It may be hard to see the Christianity or God in me at times, and other times it might be a major force that you see moving within me. My everyday actions don't blind you with holiness for lack of better words, and my intent is not to distort your vision. However, I would like for it to be noticeable, beyond the shadow of a doubt. Knowing I am Christian, that I attend church and read the Bible (not nearly as much as I should) by my own admission is not enough. There has to be something about me that would make you want to be what I am... a Christian.

I wrote before about having to loosen my ties with hip-hop if I want to truly become one with God. Funny thing is, that's usually the thing that people notice first about me. My ties with music seldom go without notice. My nick name here in Philly is Bonita Applebum for crying out loud. I wish it was like that with my religion. I wish the reference wasn't so much... "Brandi, the hip-hop/music head" as it was "Brandi, a woman of God." I don't even know why I'm wishing like this is a helpless issue. I can easily change these things, fix my walk, put some God in my talk and mean it... seriously.
"A song is not a song unless you sing it.
A bell is not a bell unless you ring it.
Love is not love unless you give it.
A Christian is not a Christian unless they live it."

Praying You See the God in Me,

Wing-Worthy Accomplishments

Ash Cakes*, a close friend/fellow writer and poet back home, asked me to check out her blog since she had recently updated it. I added a link to her page underneath 'Sites for Sore Eyes' if you want to check it out. Not taking stabs at anyone, but I would only advise going to it if you want to walk away from your computer feeling enlightened, uplifted, or in serious thought. You will see no post about pit stops at a random fast food place, the newest sneakers, good days gone bad, etc. Anywho, we are one in the same in certain ways and we both have these saying about angels. My saying is:

Lazy angels do nothing but carry their wings, and wingless words do nothing but keep us down. (I got the quote from Shihan, the same man quoted in the main pic at the top of my blog).

Her saying is:
We are all angels with but one wing who can only fly by embracing each other. (Who knows where she got it from. She told me about 2 years ago, the source has left me since)

Whatever the case, we've come to the coining of this term "wing-worthy accomplishments". She's one of the few people I have religious conversations with, and we don't speak often . True friends don't have to call everyday to know the love is there. Not to mention the last few phone calls have been rants on college life and random/rushed updates, so I hadn't heard the term in a while. However-upon reading her blog, I got to thinking on it. The term is basically used to describe things a person has done deeming them worthy of being accepted into Heaven. With that being said, I'm sure we are all good people for the most part. Not everyone feeds the birds, does community service, and walks their neighbors dogs- However, I doubt everyone is a cold blooded killer as well.

I'm just saying we all believe ourselves to be pretty decent people. Nonetheless, if you stop and TRULY think about it- of all the accomplishments you might list on your resume to impress the "boss", what wing worthy accomplishments could you list to impress God? I'm not playing "holier than thou" because I have yet to come up with one accomplishment that I consider wing worthy. I'm just wondering if I'm in this thing alone. I'm sure that I'm not, but it's like geesh- I'm clearly doing something wrong. I should be able to think of something... something should flicker in my mind for a mere moment.. right?

"There's my good deed for the day". Heard that line, used it before, wrote a post card about it. For some reason, I don't think God's too impressed with my rare initiative to pick up a piece of paper I see on the ground and throw it in the trash can. With that in mind, a lot of things I view as "going out of my way" are truly what should be done regardless- what's expected, even. I have to get my stats up. Really.

Wingless but Working on It,

*Some recognize ya light, but can't handle the glare...
It don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine*
(throwbacks, right?)

Amen to That

"The road to success is not straight.
There is a curve called Failure,
A loop called Confusion,
Speed bumps called Friends,
Red lights called Enemies,
Caution lights called Family.
You will have flats called Jobs.
But, if you have a spare called Determination,
An engine called Perseverance,
Insurance called Faith,
A driver called Jesus,
You will make it to a place called Success

-Originally said by ?
Heard by (a friend) Teddy's Mom

Couldn't Have Said it Better Myself-
Timing is Everything,


Im Fucking Blown

He has a daughter.
She's 2 years old.
He just found out about her.
Why does this bother me so much?
I don't even know.
I don't even know if the proper term is bothered...
I just feel a certain way.

He's just as shocked as I am though.


p.s. Excuse my absence, this week has been the worse. You will be getting a post about it promptly.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Soundtrack of my Life

Not only is this song MAJOR theme music to my existence right now, this video represents pure genius. The extent of it's simplistic creativity never hit me as hard as this morning when I had the sudden urge to peep the video. Granted, everyone whose anyone knows I think Stacey Dash is the most beautiful woman on Earth- my posting this video has nothing to do with that. Really.

And lastly... because I caught this video too many times last week, the way he paid homage to Chaka Khan was ill, and it's a classic by any music buffs admission (unless you're an uninformed poser):

A Champion-Trying to Turn Tragedy to Triumph,

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Smokers' Lungs

I have developed a new appreciation... better yet, understanding for smokers.
It's 5am, and my brain is running rampant so bare with me.

Let's set the scene:

I'm copying statistic notes in a friends room around 3:30 this morning when the electricity in our building goes out. Lucky for me, his window faces Broad St. so I finished taking notes by the window- allowing the light to make his notes visible. I spent the following night in the Tech Center with the intention of leaving from there for my 10:40 class- only to take a nap around 9am, wake up around 10:10 with 30 minutes to spare, go back to sleep, and wake back up at 12:15 in the afternoon. As a result, I missed my first class, was dead tired, and I slept my day away.

Back to the program: I finish taking notes, and now I'm preparing to walk to the Tech Center to work on the same paper I should have done the night before... for real this time. My roommate has to hold the door open for me while I pack my bag because the lights in our hallway are still on for some reason (despite all the electricity being out), and unlike my friend from earlier- our window faces another apartment building and brings no light into our room. Anywho, I'm walking down the stairwell at 4am and have the sudden urge to smoke a Clove on the way there.

I was introduced to these by Mr. Wallace and actually had 3 on me compliments of a not so old acquaintance/new friend, Terence. In the past few days, I've smoked twice- but whose counting? Whatever the case, I borrow a lighter from the security guard in our building, light it outside, return the lighter, and begin my trek to the Tech Center. While walking, I begin to wonder if I now consider myself a smoker. I have officially "borrowed a lighter". I hate the way that sounds, and I'm wondering if I've fooled myself into believing that I'm not a real smoker because it's a Clove, not a real cigarette. Better yet, I'm wondering if this is just a phase I'm going through.

After a few pulls, this all seems like nonsense. All I know is that Cloves give me this calming feeling. It's like a mild high. And it occurs to me that American cigarettes may have the same effect which is why people smoke them when they're stressed. I don't plan on experiencing their effects first hand for comparison, but it was just a thought. (Again, I'm telling myself that Cloves are a better type of smoke... or something) I was stressing in my head because I slept the day away and didn't do some of the things I had planned, but this all washes away. After the first pulls set in, I was just a college student, walking to the Tech at 4 in the morning, smoking. I pass a few people and I wonder if seeing me smoking triggers any thoughts in their heads. I know a thought or two might cross my mind when I see others smoking. Damn the worries that come with the way people perceive you!

I get to the Tech, I'm not finished with the Clove, a fellow smoker sitting down gives a slight smile and tells me the seats aren't wet (it was raining earlier)- so I take a seat and finish smoking. I felt like we shared this common bond. Weird, right? Another thought hits me. I hate the way smoking makes the back of my throat burn. However, I let the burn set in today and waited for the feeling to pass so I could really inhale. The burning was only momentary and it made me think, "this too shall pass". In short, I compared it to the other various trials I go through. It only hurts for a moment. Just as soon as this thought comes, I've clearly inhaled too much because I'm coughing. Guess that was God telling me, "Na, it's nothing like that."

At this time, I take a silent vow to myself that if I am, indeed, a smoker- I will not be the type of smoker who puts their cigarettes out anywhere, leaves burnt marks on everything, and carelessly discards their cigarettes on the ground. Of course, I look down and see a bunch of cigarettes at my feet. I can't help but wonder, what was their owners story, what were they going through when they lit their cigarette, in what area of their life did they need calming? Maybe I'm thinking too much.. but it be like that sometimes.

I also notice the value of my hands and compare smoking to my poetry. I hold my pen between two fingers when putting my feelings on paper. That is the way I relieve myself. I hold Cloves between two fingers and the effect of the cigarette gives me relaxation. I don't know. My only hope is to not develop smokers' lungs. After all, my voice is my most powerful weapon. What good would it do me if it's being transmitted through a plastic object placed in the middle of my throat?

A Smoker?

Sunday, April 6, 2008

It's My Responsibility to Inform You

If you've kept up with my post for a minute, then you're very much aware of my Intro. to Sociology class that I always walk out of feeling super depressed about the state of black people, how we're always learning statistics that show how my race has failed, etc. For once, it's not just us! Seriously though, every Friday we read newspaper articles that somehow relate to whatever we're learning.

We just recently read about this group of 3rd grade students who put together a serious plan to stab their teacher. A kid had gotten in trouble for standing in his chair and plotted revenge. All these students were in a special ad class, and they either have ADD or behavioral problems. Students brought various items-anything from a broken steak knife and ribbon to a paper weight and duct tape. They had planned to knock her out and then stab her. Different kids had different assignments. Some were supposed to cover the windows, others were supposed to keep watch, and some were supposed to clean the mess afterwards. Clearly, this plan didn't go through due to a child tipping off a cop that weekend.

Initially, this all seemed humorous. Realistically, third graders are anywhere between 8 and 10. True, you can probably swat off a few- but 11 of them. I don't think you're getting anywhere. Part of me laughed it off, but part of me realized that humans evolve and every generation gets smarter. My 3yr. old sister is quite articulate and hella spiteful- she's a Taurus and lives up to every part of the 'bull' in her. I can only imagine what 3rd graders are capable of. I HIGHLY doubt they saw the full extent of what they were doing, but I don't doubt their abilities. Whatever the case, a few of the students were arrested and are now facing multiple juvenile charges. Whatcha think?

Just a Journalist Doing Her Job,

More in depth video
(it's a commercial playing first, be patient):

Rumor Has It

Mr. Hovito and Beyonce tied the knot this Friday at his apartment in NYC's Tribeca neighborhood. It has not been confirmed by their representatives, but a few sources commented on the supposed wedding. Any doubts? None on my end. Not to mention a friend of mine back in Carolina (*shouties-Tori) that went to the concert in Greensboro said Mary wished Jay a congratulations. Hmm...

She said she was in love with a Sagittarius,
He said he had his thoroughest girl with him.
It was all so innocent back then...

Happily Ever After?

History in the making:

Friday, April 4, 2008

It's Official

I am a college student. As of yesterday night, I had my first cup of Starbucks. I can't front like I'm a straight coffee fiend now. I had a Caramel White Mocha. It has the most minimal amount of coffee imaginable (more sugar than anything), but so what- I did it. And (*thanks to Terence) tonight, I had some Chai. Neither he nor I knows what exactly is in this drink, but it's another Starbucks drink that I can actually get with. All in all, they're all mad hot initially and I can't drink them til' like 15minutes after the purchase, BUT I drink them nonetheless. This may seem like one of those "meaningless" post that we: we-being BBC (no, not Billionaire Boys Club- I mean Brandi, Brandi, and Ciara) talk about, but it's not. This is my right of passage.

Mama I Made it :)

Though I'm no advocate of the "N" Word,
this line has been on repeat in my head
for the past 2 nights. Yes, I love it:

*9 out of 10 girls call a nigga arrogant
8 out 9 all get a little curious
5 out of 9 try to fake and get serious
All 10 girls gonna call a nigga period
Call a nigga period, call a nigga period
Just a little sprung, BUT don't call me on ya period.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I Confess

I've been slacking.

However, and in my defense, this blog is not the only area that I have been slacking on lately. You can add my school work to the list as well. Sorry as it is, I'm posting this blog when I should be working on a paper that was due yesterday. Yes, yesterday. I worked out the kinks, so it won't be considered late. Nonetheless, I'm barely getting by. I hate feeling like I'm doing just enough to remain on the surface. I'd like to feel like I'm fully above the water. But hey, you can't always get what you want-right? I can't blaim anyone but me though. I feel like those kids who come to college and get tricked into believing the college experience is about everything except college. That's how I'm living right now. My Grandma knows me well.... I need to slow down.

Definitely Ranting,