Thursday, December 31, 2009

Thought for NYE

"Bite off more than you can chew, then chew like hell."
-Tom Curtain

Sounds About Right,

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Thought for the Day 12/29

"I fear that many lack the wisdom to have Christmas joy after the 25th of December."
-My pastor, Pastor Michael Winton

Glad I Made it To Church This Weekend,

Thank Me Later

Let's do a "brief" recap:

"I get my energy From my Inner-G
I be in outer space But I got inner peace
So tell my enemies That they can't injure me
I know that irritates, You have my sympathies.

..Do you remember me? The guy from verse one?
Failures my last name. Never's my first one.

..And babygirl, what does it matter where your purse from?
Your hair done. Your nails did.
Your ass fat. But you're dumb.
Mix Melyssa Ford with Maya Angelou.
Become a top model and Sojourner too."

Why wouldn't you love that? "I don't prophesize. I promise you." YESSS!

I'm Beamin',

i admire vulnerability, so I thought I'd take part in the splurge

here's a note I posted on FB:

TEN things I wish I could say to ten different people (but don't say their names)

1. I'm sure I've forgiven you. And though I'm sure I could never give you another chance, I'm not sure if I ever fell out of love... just knew that I grew into a different person. It's trippy. I've been praying that you get to a place where me saying things like this doesn't make you think you have leadway to "try me". Prove me right every now and then, please?

2. It disturbs me how comfortable you are playing the role of victim. I acknowledge that you really can't catch a break. Something is always being thrown at you, but I'm waiting for you to just handle it... to rise above it all.. to become bigger than your situation.. to start telling your problems about your God instead of things happening the other way around. I'm rambling, but really-I'm prematurely proud of you. For now, it's just because you're still here despite it all, but I'm anxious for the day I can say I'm proud because you came to bat swingin.

3. Let's stop questioning our situation and just accept it. I mean, when the subject is you- karma aint so bad after all. For that matter, it's beautiful and I love it. What's to explain or question?

4. You're intriguing. And beautiful. And I'm not in the right place yet, but when I am.. I'll be plotting. That's all.

5. Thus far, you're one of the few if not the only person I've met whose made me realize areas in my life that need changing and the growing up I have to do-without making me feel like less of a person for it. It may be what attracts me to you. That and your ability to make me feel like "not a big deal". Contradictory, I know. You remind me that I'm human while reminding me not to take my presence in other peoples life for granted because it is a powerful thing. We're nowhere near where we used to be, but I wasn't playing when I said I planned on keeping you around. Blood in, blood out-you're stuck with me LOL One last thing, no matter what you say your email documents or shows proof of, I have YET to receive the poem I asked you to send me.

6. This wasn't the life I had planned for you, or us. But it's never too late. You aren't as old as you act or think you are, so grab life by the horns and show it whose boss. At times it feels like you've written yourself off or began taking yourself too seriously, but I've always been your co-conspirator, so you can count on me to grab life by the balls at the same time you start shaking its horn. Teamwork makes the dreamwork, so we're bound to make something happen. "Me and You Shall Never Part." P.S. I'm proud of the woman you've become.

7. I feel the need to reach out to you. I have never met a person with anything bad to say about you, and plenty is said about you. Beyond that-our few interactions have left me feeling enlightened, better, happier.. every good trait possible. The amount of strength and goodness you exude seems unreal. I'm sure you already knew that, though :)

8. Our "unconventional" love used to drive me crazy. Now, I just want it to be ten years later to see how it all turns out. I used to think we'd be this power couple and end up together after time did its work. Now, I don't see the beauty in that. Either way/as messy as things may seem at times, I loved you on purpose. Regardless of what place our love came from, I meant it. Every moment. Every poem. All of it was from a pure place. Love is love, no matter our current connection or seemingly lack there of. Don't forget that during the times where our ESP fades off.

9. Similar to the situation that surrounded ours, your present decisions make it so hard to believe in what once was. A big lesson I'm learning though is to not question past situations based on the present, because the past doesn't really hold that much weight when dealing with the now. Things were what what they were, in that moment. So, it's natural for them to become something else. And in our moment, I was crazy about you. I think you doubted that, but know that you did it for me. Despite my protest and the nay-sayers, you were it. I guess the key word is "were". I pray for you and hope you're being good to yourself.

10. You are the bomb. Period. LOL Seriously though, we seldom express our appreciation for each other but know that everything about you is something I admire. I already told you I'd be pleased if my children came out even a little bit like you so you're definitely going to be a Godmom if I have anything to do with it. Stay around. Forever. You keep me grounded. Not to mention, IDK how many people who have "punch a dude in the head" reflexes like yours, thats priceless :)

NINE things about myself

1. I get headaches often. Bah humbug.

2. Something I'm proud of and despise in the same breath: I care too much.

3. My fav. food is porkchops, anyone who loves me can tell you that easily.

4. You'll get no response from me at all before I create a flat out lie. IDK if that's a good or bad thing, but it is.

5. I create a love story for every person I take interest in. They probably don't manifest, but it doesn't stop me from being a dreamer.

6. I tend to feel like an outsider or visitor, regardless of how "at home" my personality is-if that makes any sense.

7. I love meeting people who are more music/hip hop savvy then I am. IDK why I take them more seriously or give them a certain ounce of credibility that I don't give others.

8. I love the honesty in my poetry, but I actually wish it was more metaphoric or had hidden meanings.

9. "I am what I am, and that's all that I am."

EIGHT ways to win my heart

1. Inspire me/Expose me to new things.

2. Show interest in helping me overcome my shortcomings or just be patient when dealing with them.

3. Tell me when I'm wrong or need to shut up. I know I'm head strong. (hence, #2)

4. Love to eat [everything], without healthy food facts or counting calories.

5. Though there's 8 of them, know which sibling I'm referring to when I say their name without further explanation. Hell, just know all of their names. Same goes for my Godchildren and Baby Mama's.

6. Hold me a little too long when you hug me.

7. Rub my head.

8. Read to me.

SEVEN things that cross my mind a lot (no order)

1. Headaches.

2. Love.

3. Poetry.

4. Food.

5. Money.

6. The future.

7. What I'm gonna do with my hair.

SIX random things I wanted to mention

1. Me having natural hair wasn't some deep life decision, but me keeping it natural is.

2. I always wanted to be one of those people so tainted by love that they didn't let people in or love again. I've failed miserably. And I'm learning to be ok with that.

3. Philly and the people [emphasize:poets] in it have influenced my life in crazy ways. Each and every one of you is amazing in your own right. Keep shining.

4. I know I should drink milk, but I don't want to.

5. My father's negative energy, like everyone elses, is contagious but it gets under my skin like no one else's. He's still Superman to me though.

6. I don't eat like I used to or should. Blah.

FIVE people who mean so much to me (in no particular order)

1. My Grandma. (anyone whose anyone knew she was first)

2. Any author who wrote a book that changed my way of thinking.

3. Any person who inspired me to write or was inspired to write by me.

4. Insert the person you just knew I was going to say here: _______

5. You. Really.

FOUR things Im wearing right now

1. My fro, bye bye straight hair.

2. The scent of "oven run" chicken wings, Thanks Dad :)

3. Navy blue toenail polish

4. A cotton night gown with colorful critters on it

THREE songs that I listen to often (at the moment)

1. Drake- The Winner

2. A Home-B. Yung (IDK why the song is mentioned first here, but didn't feel like fixin it)

3. Anthony Hamilton- I Did it For Sho

TWO things I want to [insert:will] do before I die

1. Publish a novel.

2. Sponsor my grandma's trip to Egypt.


1. I'm an onion. You have to peel me in layers. Cliche, but true.

--- [end note]

I know I haven't posted anything of substance in a while, but I've been home. Lazy. And not inspired enough to do so, til this note and the Jay-Z video put a lil' fire underneath me. Bare with me?

On Top & I Mean Business
(part of a song stuck in my head),

Friday, December 25, 2009

Thought for the-- Christmas :)

"...we don’t have to have a clear beginning or end
let’s just be two people trespassing in each others thoughts
-Marion Smallwood


Life is for the Living, Not For Living Uptight

What else would bring me back off a minor hiatus?

Hov, of course. Take that.

More so, here are some random pictures that I wanted to share for different reasons.

*saw this pic on the blog of an eclectic soul, check em' out.

5:30 in the AM, and it still hasn't hit me that it's Christmas. Granted, I got a new car last week. Early gift indeed. I know, I know.. it's been a while. An update is coming soon. Sit tight?

Happy Holidays,

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Thought for the Day 12/20

"It's been too long and I'm lost without you. What am I gonna do? Said, I been needing you, wanting you. Wondering if you're the same and whose been with you, is your heart still mine?"

Craziness is when I opened up my blogger account, this song popped in my head. So necessary. I haven't been on here in 5 days, but I can tell I had got back into the swing of things with posting something regularly because I literally thought about my blog everyday.

Anywho, here's a thought for the day. I will come back and give ya'll something of more sustenance (granted, this is a full serving) later on. Ya'll deserve that. But for now, I need to do some last minute work to ensure that my grades are somewhat "all that they can be".

Yes, finals are over but I'm handing in work. Pray for me.

Movin on, here's your thought:

"I was my grandmothers favorite person…her death betrayed us both…I didn’t attend the funeral…
even at 11 i realized... corpses dnt need closure..ppl do

My mentor once told me 'peace comes by living ur life as an open book'…
the best I cld do was a post it note…it read...'thanx, hun but I need my secrets' "
-Sania Thomas

Speak to Me,

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


If any of you know someone who smoked while pregnant that would allow me to interview them for my research project, shoot your contact info to my email address:

Trust, I'll be hitting you back within minutes.
Hopefully one of ya'll can be my Nestle during Crunch time.


Thought for the Day 12/15

Invisible scars take the longest to heal.
Look, don't we make beautiful victims?
-Saul Williams

I have not forgotten you. It's the week of finals, and I'm notorious for doing everything last minute... like studying, writing research papers, interviewing experts, etc.

"I'm Nestle when it's Crunch time,"

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Thought for the Day 12/13

"If this were checkers, then Kings would rule. But around here, life is a game of chess."
B. Yung

Get the poem in full. It'll change your life.

Love That,

Friday, December 11, 2009

Thought for The Day Revised

Back in June, the thought for the day was this:

If you asked me how I'm doing my answer would probably be, "Lil' Wayne sold over 400,000 albums in one day. What chance our kids got?"
-Brother Ray

I want to add something to that since I'm just catching glimpse of a certain video that should have accompanied the statement. I don't even know what to say. Just watch.

Pray For Us All,

Shaking my head. But can I be border line ignorant and say ol' girl with the handcuffs on her shorts was twirkin' during her solo? I'm Southern, and we know what it is. I'm just sayin.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I Apologize for Being Black

For all I am.
Plus all I lack.
Please sir,
Please mam.
Cut me some slack.
I do apologize.
-Oscar Brown, Jr.

I didn't really plan on going there, but my brain and fingers have a mind of their own. Hey Ya'll!

So, the title stems from a situation I encountered today while trying to handle a larger situation that's reminding me to live beyond myself and keep hold to a purpose. I won't beat around the situation. I'll describe it in depth. The ugly beauty of it all amazes me.

I don't really know where to begin. Caveat: I can tell this will be a long post. I actually tried to avoid writing it for that reason, but it won't let me. I'll start here:

Behold: These were my roommates from last year. They made it into a blog post or two for various reasons. Either way, I love all of them. Sincerely. Granted (and to be completely honest), I don't like all of them. I do love them. Living with someone and learning them inside out kind of forces you to do so or you're liable to go nuts.

Either way, take note of the one directly beside me, the one above my head to the left, and the one above my head in the center. These three ladies are my babies. Funny thing is, I learn from them more than I teach- on most days. They're only younger than me in age. Either way, we have a bond. Simply stated, but true.

Now, we aren't living in the same space anymore (granted, they all live in the same building still) so there's been a change in how often we communicate. But the feeling I get when I see them, my desire to be in their presence, etc... none of that has changed. I wish I could stress to you how much they've impacted me. My Godmom says you're sure to leave college with two things: debt and secrets. She forgot to mention friends who have made a lasting impression.

Anywho, I have yet to reach the point. I was contacted last week by two of them regarding the third one. It had been brought to my attention that she had been having a tough time and crying often, but she hadn't mentioned it to me when I had seen her (with one of them) the day before. So, since she was on my mind-I did a surprise visit last night.

Again, they all stay in the same building so I got one to sign me in, went to visit/get the other, than went to the last ones room so all 4 of us could be together. I was ecstatic to be in the same space with all of them. I'm around at least one of them, at least twice a week. But all 3 of them is a rarity. We always make plans. They seldom stick. Such is life.

Back to the story: So we're all in the room, and two of them are telling me that they've been so depressed lately. From ex-boyfriends, to living arrangements, to school work, etc. Now, me being me (meaning mushy and nostalgic), I say let's talk about "old times". But I'm told that's only more depressing since they think about "old times" often, being that they aren't too crazy about their current living situation. And I quote,

"I knew I would miss living with you guys. I just didn't know I'd miss it like this."

It's hard to explain in one post and I could never do it justice, but living with them was like living with family. I had sisters to come home to. I walked in the door and felt welcome. We crowded in one room and shared stories of our day, supported each other through tough times, listened to complaints/ranting... taught each other how to dance, how to cook, how to kiss, etc... In short, we just made memories.

Not to mention, we heard so many horror stories about roommates having conflict. Granted, there was one bad apple in our house of 6. Still, that's impressive. People were literally in awe of how well we all got along and how close we were. I can't tell you how many times we heard, "Aww, I wish our roommates were like that."

Again, back to the story: So, instead. I drop the bomb I was told to avoid until a later time, because I need to be updated on what's causing so much commotion in my roommates life (I know she's not my roommate anymore, but I still refer to her as such). And this is where the tears start to fall. In short, I'm told that one of them is being disowned by her parents because she walked out on an argument she was having with her mother, her mother ransacked her room, read through her journal, and saw a lot of things she didn't want to see.

Now let me give you some history on this here roomie: She was born in Vietnam. She moved to the states with her mother at a young age, and her mother had another child while here. From what I recall, they lived with their mothers boyfriend. And she continued to pro-create, (I think) 3 more kids outside of the initial two. When my roommate was 9, her mother packed up, moved to Florida, and left her & one of her siblings with a neighbor/friend she had met while being in the states.

She has no contact with her mother. Doesn't know (but remembers) her other siblings. Does not know who her father is/was. And the list goes on. [and yes, I've written a poem about this, but I never finished it-just in case you were wondering]

Supposedly, her mother didn't leave any documentation for the people she left them with. Just them. Remember that for later. Now, my roommate doesn't talk about this part of her life often, and considers her "new" caretaker her mother. She no longer remembers how to speak Vietnamese, is not/doesn't show bitterness regarding her childhood, and has been struggling to get proper documentation regarding her citizenship status for sometime now. For example, she's been trying to get a license for 3 yrs.

Last night, she said she didn't think she was strong enough to handle this situation. Her "mother" said she doesn't want anything to do with her, tells her she's a whore because of the sexual relations she's had with one person that her mother read about in the journal, texts/emails her friends saying the same thing, and wants an explanation from her as to why she hurt her so badly.

Now, I can only speak for myself and another one of my roommates (the other Black one, which may or may not be important but it has a lot to do with our similar opinions regarding family because we were brought up in a similar manner-granted, she's actually Haitian-and that's something else in and of itself), either way-we thought all of this was ludicrous.

You're going to shun your growing child because you read her journal and caught a glimpse of her sexual experiences? It's bad enough the girl is always scared to keep a journal because of things like this, but it's worse that she's used to this type of thing.

Sidenote: Left an old poetry book laying around once. My father snooped. My first sexual piece was in there. He made some snyde remark that I can't recall, and that was that. My father knows I'm sexually active. He isn't pleased, but he also trust (or so I hope) that I'm not sloring it up in Philadelphia. Moving forward.

If anything, I feel like her mother should be embracing her and making her feel loved. She's been through enough. Moreso, she should see this as an opportunity to speak with her-woman to woman. Instead, she's still treating her as if she is a child who does not partake in adult actions that may lead to adult consequences. And I don't just mean sex, I mean anything in general. She doesn't address "real life" issues with her, because in her head-my roomie's still in grammar school.

Even worse, she has no form of privacy. When her mother dropped her off at school, she was so pleased at how maternal I was-she said it made her feel better about leaving her here. However, she gave her all these rules to abide by (while at school)... as if she would be here to enforce them.

And some of them were just ridonkulous. I.e: We go to school in a major city, North Philadelphia. Her mother said, under no circumstances, should she use public transportation (due to safety issues). This alone is a tough one, because in the smallest capacity, you have to (at least) get on the train to get to class if you take any courses at/on our Center City campus.

Once-She rode in a cab, with 3 other people (myself, another roommate, and a male included), and got in trouble for that. It doesn't matter that we were going to see a play 4 blocks up from where we lived and got out the cab before she did, and since she didn't want to be in the cab alone, she proceeded to (literally) run home because the street lights had came on and it was technically dark out (meaning, she was scared to be alone).

Yes, it's that deep. Nor does it help that her mother wants her to come home every weekend, and my roommate seldom expresses the fact that she actually would like to say at school. And if she even shows some type of disdain, her mother will proceed to remind her that she is selfish and the least she can do is spend some time with her family since her stepdad is shelling out cash for her tuition. But what her mother fails to realize is, her stepdad is paying for the experience that she is being robbed of. Because I can promise you, people learn more about life than books in college.

Back to the topic at hand, so my roommate is supposed to have this grand conversation with her mother and all she keeps saying is she doesn't feel capable of doing it. She was crying. I was crying. She said she felt pathetic for not being as "brave and strong" as we were. Again, I've mentioned this before-I seldom feel as brave as people proclaim. She also mentioned that she can't really do more than cry and apologize when they get on the phone.

I proceeded to tell her that she needs to assert herself. Granted, that is her mother, so a certain level of respect is necessary. She needs to point out that though it is okay and rather natural for her mother to be disappointed in her actions, (cause hell, I don't even want her having sex and I'm her peer) her actions are not so heinous and direct that her mother should feel hurt by her and worthy of explanation.

Like, in what way has she done something that requires an explanation regarding you being hurt? If you wanted her to explain her decisions, that'd be something different. But, to describe why she chose to hurt you specifically... ridiculous. That's a self-incriminating tactic. (way to bring my future lawyer out, right?) To explain herself would imply that her actions were done with the intent of hurting you, which I'm sure wasn't the case. For that matter, even God knows that she didn't think once of her mother while performing sexual acts with that man. Ya'll will have to excuse me if that's blasphemous.

I'm sure I'm leaving gaps, and you don't know her mother in the details that I do, but I hope you can see where I'm coming from. My roommate is reaching a level of maturity (or just a point in life, generally speaking) where she should be responsible enough to make her decisions AND be held accountable for them. With that responsibility and accountability should come a certain level of trust. As a mother, if you did a good job raising your child, you shouldn't worry so much about what they do once they leave your place because you know you did well. And it's not like she isn't trying to be accountable. Hell, you read her journal which gives full details. There's no denying that truth.

However, her mother just refuses to let her go. And now that she realizes her hold on her isn't what it used to be, she says she doesn't want anything to do with her at all. She went so far as to say that "my roommate can hurt her like that, but she won't allow her to do the same thing to her grandparents so she needs to call them." What?! (Let me say, because I haven't said it and am probably painting a horrible picture, her mother is actually a very nice and loving woman, she just is a bit immature and extremely overbearing)

Because of all this, my roommate doesn't think she will be coming back to school next semester, will possibly be staying with friends, and is unsure of her whole situation in general. However, me and my Haitian roomate (insert smile and empowerment here) aren't having that. We are women familiar with those who make things happen, and this all just seems outlandish to us.

So, we're doing it for ourselves and trying to see to it that her seat in a Temple University classroom is secure come spring semester. We've already hit a few roadblocks, and it's only day one-but we'll work it out. The big issue today was determining whether or not she is actually a U.S. citizen (because we need to look into financial aid). As mentioned before, her mother "supposedly" dropped her off with no documentation. She only knows her social security number. She doesn't have the actual card, and as I learned today while visiting the social security office-that number doesn't imply citizenship, it's more like an ID # for people in the country. (Who knew? Not me. Cause I could've sworn that meant you belonged to us.)

The reason I've been using the term "supposedly" regarding her biological mother leaving her with no documentation is because it seems a bit silly to me that her mother would leave her children with a neighbor, not bring any of the paperwork that comes with them (certificates and such)-but supply her social security number... IDK, verbally? Like, did she just remember it in her head? Not to mention, her mother's English was less than perfect at this time. More so, her ex thinks her "new" mother actually has it and isn't giving it to her... part of her not letting go.

So, we went to about 4 offices today trying to determine her status just to figure out that we have to go downtown. It was definitely a rat race. Each building we visited referred us elsewhere. And I definitely didn't have on the proper attire. I was feeling good when I got dressed, looked accordingly, and messed up the heel of my boot while trekking through campus.

The title of this post comes from what we experienced when entering the social security office. I want to reiterate the fact that we go to school in N. Philadelphia. For people who aren't from here, it's generally referred to as "the hood". Such is life. Granted, it is a rough area. Still, our campus (though it's an open campus) is pretty secure, well guarded/infiltrated with cops and "watch stations" on every corner. In short, I feel safe. But all I have to do is walk two blocks off campus to be reminded of my location.

In saying that, the social security office nearest us is a reflection of our environment. The second we walked in, I said to my Haitian roommate that I hope the people helping us wouldn't be rude. She said, with every bit of her Brooklyn attitude, "We could be rude right back." But that wasn't really my point of concern, I just didn't want the people being completely apathetic to our situation because it wasn't their own.

I felt bad for even feeling the need to express that when I walked into the place. But some things are just obvious from a mile away. When we did speak with someone: he was sarcastic, not the slightest bit eager to help, and my roommate walked away apologizing for questioning the man in the first place. My other (Haitian) roommate sarcastically apologized to the man that that was his job. And, in response, I apologized to my roommate for his actions in general. I immediately had one of those "we have to do better" moments. Like, I felt so bad that we just wanted to help our roommate and here we are, encountering trouble from our own people.

And, I'm not trying to take it there. I'm just saying. Like, yeah we are college students, and he probably didn't take us seriously cause our questions seemed foolish to someone familiar with the material they see on a daily. You know when you're so familiar with certain material you start to think it's common knowledge or take your knowledge on the matter for granted? However, we aren't asking without reason-closed mouths don't get fed, and I'm shameless when it comes to acquiring knowledge... So, yuh.

That was that. Tomorrow we will be going to the Homeland Security office. I won't front like I'm not worried. Just from speaking with someone in our admissions office, red flags began popping up in my head. For example, the lady helping us told us that when someone indicates they're a U.S. citizen (when feeling out college applications), the school doesn't look into it any further because you sign off saying everything you indicated on the app is true.

However, if we're making inquiries about her citizenship status, than clearly she doesn't really know what her status is regardless of what she put down. What if they opted to look into that or asked for proof? As far as she knows-she has no social security card, birth certificate or valid ID. She definitely doesn't have a passport. That could just make a bad situation worse.

IDK what to expect when we go to this office tomorrow. I'm hoping for the best though. As I'm rereading what I wrote, I forgot to note that my roommate opted to email her mom last night versus explaining herself via phone call. This way, she was sure she would be able to get her point across and wouldn't be deterred by her mothers interruptions or start crying. I haven't heard the results of that email, and I know they were supposed to have an actual phone conversation today.

Oh yeah, all 4 of my roomies prayed together last night too. It's funny how things happen... how people pull together in times of desperation and look down avenues they've never considered. Two of us four don't pray. Correction, one of us prays but doesn't know who they're addressing. She's only sure that she's speaking with a higher being. The other doesn't pray, because she doesn't know how to. I pray, but not like I should. And the other prays like it's her job, the pay is terrible, and the rent is due tomorrow. Needless to say, we had her start the prayer off. I just felt like we had a better chance of getting through to the mainline if she spoke first.

I followed up (feeling like my prayer was insufficient after my first roommate made sure our call connected, so to speak). I Spoke my peace with God and asked that he give my roommate strength throughout this situation, but my true intent was just for her to hear the words from my mouth. Me asking God to let her know that she was capable was really just me telling her that she was capable. Then she prayed. She only had one thing to say, and it wasn't so much a prayer in most definitions of the term but I'm sure that God heard her. I can't wait for Him to speak back. Then our other roommate prayed back, and more than anything she just gave thanks. It was the most moving situation I've been in lately. Not to mention, the prayer seemed so complete.

Like, it was full circle. Someone asked God to do what they knew He was capable of doing in our lives, someone asked God to reveal Himself to us in this situation, someone told God that they were weak, and someone gave God thanks. Amen to that. Really. I'm looking for inspiration everywhere now-a-days. That definietly did it for me. More than anything, we're all ready for this situation to be over. Not so much because it's overwhelming, but because we just want to know the outcome. That makes sense, right? Yesterday we decided that if we got each other, than it's all good. So, either way we're getting through this one. Human interaction is everything.

But this situation lit a fuel up under me. I have been walking around really lax lately. My school work has been on back burner, I'm not really pressed to do anything, and my priorities weren't out of order because I acted as if they were non-existent. O, what a difference one night makes. No, I'm not pregnant LOL This situation has me wanting to change the world. I won't lie and say that I've made this 360 degree change since last night. I'm just saying that I feel inspired and purpose driven. And seeing to it that this gets handled efficiently, to the best of my abilities is a priority of mine. That girl's Vietnamese with a 3.9 GPA and a Biology major. If we can determine her citizenship status: she's got grants, scholarships and financial aid written all over her.

I can only imagine how long this post is, but I'm only about to lengthen it, because I want to close this post with an excerpt from Taalam Acey's poem titled "Brotherly Love". Last time I was home, one of my best friends was dealing with life's issues, and hearing this poem made me think of her. Again, this poem made me think of someone I hold close to me and reminded me that their problems are my own, so we need to get them fixed. Here's the excerpt:

...Right now he feels like everything is lost
That's why I'm glad he came to me to give me this opportunity to put a few thoughts across
You see, all day and all night we talk
And I tell em
A man is judged by what's in his soul
And what's in his heart
And not just by what's in his pockets
Me and him are friends through thick and thin
And if he's in pain
We need to put our brains, time and money together to stop it
I tell em' the fact that we don't have a lot of money is a problem
But rather than getting fed up
What we need to do is wake up
And like Moses and Jacob
Whenever we get together,
Just find new ways to prophet (profit)
Cause in my eyes our friendship is how we live
And how we die
And don't you ever believe that even for a second
That I would EVER let you slide
For what I'm about to say
I need you to listen with all your pride and sexuality aside
Cause as God as my guide
Like my own self
I love you
Thanks for Bearing With Me
(just needed to get that off my chest),


For Those Who Can Still Ride An Airplane For The 1st Time

This was a thought for the day back in June. IDK why I didn't post the actual video. Let's correct that:

Inspire me,

I'm in Love with This Poem

As Long As I'm With You
written by Sekou (tha misfit)

“can u come out to play with me?
i know this spot – it’s real cool
i don’t care what we do,
as long as i’m with u.

can u come get away with me?
please please, i’ll be your best friend
i’ll even hold your hand,
as long as i’m with you.”

When we met
The magic in your eyes was so captivating
I didn’t want to offend you by staring at them
So I forced myself to look at your breasts instead …
(so as not to disrespect.)

Some call it love at first sight.

For me, it was love at 2nd kiss.
Suddenly I was all pimple-faced / voice-cracking / 7th-grader
Pedaling full-speed on my Huffy with the banana seat
toward your house
to ask your mama if you could come out to play,
for good.
I had this secret spot I wanted to take you to called our future
It was so cool!
And I couldn’t help myself,
There was something
funny-greeting-cardish about you

You made me laugh out loud / in quiet places

Different from the other girls on the playground
You actually said things like “Thank You”
It had been so long since I’d had a woman fluent
in the lost language of appreciation
That by the time our 3-month bell rang
I was ready to trade in my Pokemon cards
and hold your hand at recess / I was smitt’n
…but with the hip-hop spelling.
(You know there’s always a hip-hop spelling.)

And what we got going then has been got going steady
Since your eyes slid that note across the table to me
on crumpled binder paper
with purple crayon cursive
and 4 life-altering words:
Do you like me?
(check: Yes or No?)
I said “No.”
… I lied.

So here we are,
Trying to play grownup now
and not break up over tetherball fights.
And that ain’t always a piece of red velvet cake

Because sometimes, woman, you
are my oversized multivitamin:
a lump of hard to swallow good for me
And sometimes you’re the q-tip in my ear:
orgasmically bad for me
But in the end / my little bran muffin /
You move me.

So punch in your initials sweetheart,
You made the high score.
See, you rhyme with me,
and I find that pretty dang cool

It took us three years,
but we finally learned to Tivo our drama
and make commercial-free love
We got rid of the junk mail between us.
Now, we’re all bills and checks
And so long as our checks stay big enough to cover our bills
your hand has got a home in mine.

I know it seems like I write less poetry about you these days
But know this:
I write you less now
because I live you more
Anyone can make alchemy of the first few months
But I am edge of my seat over the poem I shall write
of our first ten years
And though still 6 years from a first draft,
I’m very much enjoying the research.

For I’ve finally learned the language of your moans
That one means come to bed, baby
That one means I sure wish you were asking me about my day
instead of watching reruns of Alias
And that one … mmmm … well this ain’t that kinda poem
(I think your momma might be listening)
Let’s just put it like this:
You said you’d let me play in your toy-box if I promised not to get you dirty
I promised.
… I lied.

I’m just a man, honey
And last night you feel asleep in a position
like you were dreaming of making snow angels
I couldn’t help but climb into bed with you
and dream of being snow.

We slept wet.

And I woke up still drunk off your tongue
and well hung
And though I may not always remember,
I always know how I got home.
You / my permanent designated driver
Wherever you are is where I
was going anyway

You are Chico Stick, Cherry Now & Later, and Boston Baked Beans
With music box eyes that sing from distant
like the ice cream man approaching,
Skin that tastes like you have a chewy caramel center
And the best smile this side of heaven
And-- damn you for walking past me naked!

(… why was I mad at you, again?)

I can’t concentrate with your calves and shoulder blades
peeking at me through cracked bathroom doors
And I’d sooner be late
Than ever say the words
“hurry up get dressed baby”

You make me want to shove my face
into the warm laundry of your basket
and sniff your bounce
until you and me are static free--

… And I don’t really know what means
(And I don’t really need to.)

All I know is
Yes, I was late to work today
because last night my baby and I played house so long
that the power went out for three blocks
So this morning my alarm didn’t go off.
My boss demanded an apology
I said I’m sorry.
… I lied.

You Should be Too,

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Thought for the Night 12/8

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells... constellations."
Anais Nin

Growing: One Way or Another, B

Monday, December 7, 2009

Thought for the Day 12/7

"Sista, I think you're more beautiful than freedom... and what can be more beautiful than that?"
Sania Thomas

I Can't Explain How Much I Love That,

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Damn! Where They Do That At?

I wanted ya'll to be surprised at what you were viewing when the video got in full swing, but the freeze frame tells it all. Hilarity.

And yes, you should pause Bilal for this. IDK why this is just sexual and somehow (still) not completely trashy. Drake would have done better off doing a video like this vs. his epic fail of a video for Best I Ever Had. I think Jeremih is challenging Trey Songz' Invented Sex video.

Sorry for beating ya'll over the head with 3 videos today, but wasn't it worth it?

I'm Just Sayin,

The Gift of Life is Amazing

Speaks for Itself,

Thought for the Night 12/6

"If you aim at nothing,
you'll hit it everytime."

B.J. Marshall


Yeah, I'm Proud. And? So?

So, one of my best friends from back home/baby mama's (better known as BM's) sent me a video of my God daughter saying her pledge of allegiance. Am I proud? Yes I am. Am I excited to go home? Yes, I am.

I'm cool with Philly, but I'm missing out on life back home. My youngest sister called me last week and read to me. She's 5. I was absolutely smittened, since I didn't know she could read at all. I mean, I figured she would eventually learn but geesh. I kind of started crying. Kind-of. But not really. I'm a G. (Granted, my friend negated my G'ness last time I said that by saying I was a flower.)

I'm going off on a tangent. Here's my Mira Bell making me proud:

Don't Hurt the Diva
(I got her saying that),

When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong

IDK how I stumbled upon this website, but there are these guys who prank each other to an extreme level. The two videos I'm posting are of the same guy being pranked. I can only wonder what he does in revenge that makes him deserve these type of "jokes" being played on him. The first one is wrong emotionally, but it's funny. Such is life. The second one's just wrong :)

Some Sense of Humor,

Friday, December 4, 2009

Sitcom Series # 1,4343,5365,7464

For starters: I'm fully aware that the commas aren't in the correct places for the title of this post. And, so? Such is sitcom. I already said how these "sitcom situations" would go.

Moving forward... I was not going to post this but I need someone else to read what I read and tell me what they think about it. I sincerely was just gonna tweet part of this convo and see how people replied, but I need more replies then what my Tweet followers would have provided. 140 characters isn't always enough. Trust me. I'd know.

This convo which makes my life more sitcom'ish (look back to this post if you're confused) took place a few nights ago with a guy I've had only two conversations with: one-on the train in a polite manner, for no more than 5min. and two-in my building downstairs for borderline an hour.

He was interesting, for lack of better words. But sometimes too much is just that, too much. And this was a facebook chat. God has a sense of humor though. I'm posting this now, watch this man end up my husband or something. Ay yi yi. Just peep:

Him: whats going on Brandi
Me: hey stranger/how are yu
Him: I'm fine in ATL/working hard on this music career/I'm under Milan Management Group/working with the stars/hows life??/I always wanted to take you out I just never got my chance/maybe one day soon/it will be special
Me: life is life. im here. so im purpose driven. hows atl?
Him: lovely.../I would like to see you soon whenever you'd like to go out we can make it official... you could come down here also/have fun and learn some things from me [why is everyone trying to teach me something, he must have spoken with CI]
Me: coming to atlanta would be a nice breather/how many people do u jus invite to your city all willy nilly lol
Him: not any/this is business I'm doing out here the only reason I even mentioned it to you was because I am very of you... I admire your beauty and intellect also its not many who have charm like yours/you have allot going on in your life... I noticed... the thing is you have'nt noticed me but you will and then you will realize how important I truly am.... I just hope the best life has to offer for you... smile because you are: beauty pure in everyway, your touch is like leaves blowing in the wind, your eyes are as the stars in the sky, body as the earth filled with life
Me: did you just try and bag me? lol
Him: theres no need for failed attempts I just typed what came from the heart as I remembered are converesations
Me: which were peace. you were a trip
Him: I'd rather take you on a trip... mentally allowing you the choice to to voyage or stayed trapped in a world where the good girl is'nt treated like gold/smile be happy when we get the time to do this because it allows me to at least grasp your attention once more/your a fly girl its just you've been caught up in foolishness and lost your way... I just want to be something different to you in this life
Me: who said i was in a place where the good girl isnt treated like gold? and whose the good girl? lol/moreso, what makes you think ive lost my way?
Him: you have'nt lost sense for who you are its just very difficult in todays society for a good girl like yourself to find someone who truly values who you are.../your very bright... because your so smart I assume you sometimes outsmart yourself/but thats my opinion/I just need to find out more/I was begining to like your book but then you closed the page on me
Him: anyway I like the new hair :):) very nice...
Me: im an open book in complicated language sweetie, you might have jus stopped reading and books are inanimate-i cant force you to do much/thanks
Him: I never felt forced it was more like I rented it for a moment took some notes then had to turn it back in I'd rather get to read more then purchase... your a novel worth a happy ending/I am a great student... getting to know someone takes patience and understanding... thats why I compared what happened with us to a book/I'm determined... we will talk [he signs off]
Ok, so... some of you are probably like "B, why are you going off by posting this?" But, wasn't it just extra? Even my big hair turned locks having friend whose made my "Thought for the Day" a few times (and now has a blog: yes, shameless plug-go look at it) asked me if the dude writing me was a poet. The answer: he's not.

And truthfully, it's cool if people do things like that to try and impress me. It makes me feel honored, worthy, etc. But it's like, I'm off the stage right now. Talk to me like a regular human being. If you didn't know I was a poet, would you address me like that? IDK. This makes me think of a quote by Rienne boo:

"The only time we're off stage is when we're on the stage."

I'm Just Saying,

Thought for the Day 12/04

Hold me like your reflection. Like the night holds its shadows, like a sea holds a sunrise....
-Brook Yung

Oh yeah: Happy Birthday Hov.

And if you aren't following me on Twitter, you should be.

I Had To,

The Mr.'s: Video Chronicles, Take 1

I'm just getting this up, but it was recorded last night. Hence: the time reference.

The post I mentioned were:
1. So, my phone is no bueno.
2. Son, I think I'm in ♥ With You

If you haven't read them already, catch up why dontcha?

Moreso, here's the little cannon I have yet to formally bring about on this blog. Meet Andisha, aka D, aka Ms. Do The Most, aka "The little one's a cannon":

And, I just have to post thess pics from this week/passing weekend for your viewing pleasure... but more so, because they make my ♥ smile. I hope you don't mind. "Is that alright"? (said like Jill Scott):

The Harvest

The House

Rhythm we need a picture together. I put a link on her name. It's her blog. You should go peep that.

There it is,

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Thought for the Day 12/3

I got something special for ya'll. I wasn't going to do it, but you've been down for the cause lately. And so... you deserve it. Stay tuned. Later today, once I finish catching up on my academic life (don't ask, I'll tell) you will get some relief.

You So Right,

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Blood In, Blood Out

So, I started a Twitter.

Don't judge me. I'm still new to this, and I have seriously already considered deleting the page... but I might just like it. IDK how many of you already have Twitters, but I'm just letting you know my URL so you can come check me out.


...& You Wonder Why I Take It To The Max-
Well, Baby You Got Pretty Wings,


Thought for the Day 12/1

Wow. It's Already December,

My Life is a Sitcom

Sitcom Series, #1,333,254,3565,3435..

I know the comma's are misplaced but who cares? I think (from now on) whenever I live through a moment that's just random and funny, it will be posted as such with some random number in tow.

This is just a comedic moment with Monika that I vowed to share on my blog. She's my coworker turned friend turned secret lover turned Egyptian thug, and then some. In short, she's one of the people I met this year and have yet to determine how I ever made it a day without.

Ok, mushiness: we off that. Here's an excerpt of the convo:

Monika: I changed my major to Neuroscience today.
Me: From Biology?
Monika: Yup (proud face)
Me: Why?
Monika: Cause I have a 95 in Neuroscience and a 40 in Cell Structure.
Me: But Monika, those are just classes.
Monika: So.
...and for the most part, our conversations always seem to take on this light (or lack thereof). But I'm ok with that. Laughter is always certain. I went into her room starving and hum drum at 12 in the AM. I walked out fed and temporarily over my "midnight no reason for feeling that way" depression. Did I mention there's a Nintendo 64 and basic Nintendo in her room, compliments of her suitemate? Yeah. We played Diddy Kong. Granted, I lost. She felt better about herself. That's all that matters.

Everything's Right With the World Sometimes,

Monday, November 30, 2009

Thought for the Day 11/30

Story of My Life LOL,

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Thought for the Day 11/29

I’m an open book written in complicated language but people don’t like reading to begin with... There’s something to learn from every person just like there is something to learn in every book, but we must take the time to read; to appreciate the language and not toss it aside simply because we don’t understand it. Besides, books written in simplicity don’t often change the world. It’s in the subtext that we find true genius.

-He-may Okojie, a King I had the pleasure of meeting this weekend

& A Great Weekend it Was,

(that may very well be one of my new favorite quotes)

Saturday, November 28, 2009

You're My Bad Habit Baby

When did this video come out? I swear it sings lullabies to me.

Maxwell - Bad Habits (Official Music Video)

Teedra Moses: Backstroke,

Mama, I Made It.

I feel good.

Let's start there. Grandma has been here since Wednesday night, and I've beat her in Scrabble. Not once, but two times. Throughout my whole life I have officially beat her three times in Scrabble. I was bout' to name this post "I Beat Her Twice", but didn't want to hint towards anything domestic :)

Is it appropriate to put a smiley face there? Anywho, one of the times I beat her it was by 100 points and I made a 72pt. word by using all my letters (which is an extra 50pts.) to spell P-L-E-A-S-A-N-T. Ow! The second time, a friend that was playing with us used all his words to spell R-E-V-I-S-I-O-N, and I still won. (I can barely beat my Grandma, so I couldn't have him thinking he was just goin' step in my place and disrespect both of us LOL) Take that! See?

*See that word "squeg" at the bottom? Yeah, that's me. Look it up.

So, onto the topic: I had my show last night. Grammy came. She loved it, as did I. Everyone just went in, ATFC (all the fuck crazy) as we would say. She was sitting in the front row (trying) to take pictures with her phone. I say trying, because when I got off stage and went to sit beside her, she was fumbling with her phone trying to find the pics, and when I got a hold of her phone (because she didn't want help, *feisty old woman) I told her the pic never took or it would be stored "here".

That's all to the good though. I performed a piece I wrote 2 years ago. It's a letter to mother that's never left the page, but I felt like the time was fitting since Grammy was there. I've written about it before in a smaller capacity. Here. But this time, I did the whole thing, and yes I cried, but I made it through. It was my closing piece. People showed so much love.

I realized last night how blessed I am that people request my presence at events like that one. Like, naturally I'm there getting my soul fed, but it's something else to be considered a "feeder". I know I could've worded that better. You get me though, right?

After performing, I stepped outside to take a breather. And something happened, but I'm not sharing the details of that with anyone. It's the first secret I'll ever have to myself. Maybe it'll be in a book I publish, but until then-it's all mine. Ever since reading somewhere that it was good to keep secrets amongst yourself, I've just been waiting for something to occur LOL

And, I mean, things have occurred but I just HAD TO tell someone. Like, they were too good to keep to myself. However, (and this was good) this one is just for me. Yay!

I felt good about where I was though, at that moment. And I think Mommy heard me, and she was pleased. What a feeling. Wait. Did I ever say Happy Thanksgiving?
Happy Thanksgiving!

Speaking of which, that day went very well. I actually enjoyed being with all my mom's family. The discomfort was nowhere to be found. I don't know if that's because my lady was present or otherwise, but it was cool. Not to mention, Jill Scott was in attendance.

I have no idea how she's related to our family, but it's my second time meeting her and being told we're cousins. Hell if I know. I do remember her father working for the Philadelphia Zoo security when I was hella young and him taking us for a tour of it at night... uber creepy. Definitely didn't get to experience the bat cave. Some things we black folks don't partake in at night. Thrill or no thrill. We know better.

Her 7mo. old son was there and so well behaved. I swear you wouldn't have known a baby was in the room. He was so quiet and pleasant. Just really observant with his long eyelashes and full lips. His name's Jett Hamilton, which I wouldn't name my son but I definitely like. It has a ring to it.

I actually did some minor Black Friday shopping. Who came up with that event and the term for it? Like, what? I didn't plan on attending, but I was in the market for a new dress or two. Me and my cousins were all lounging around on our 2nd plate of food, and my aunt mentioned that a major mall and an outlet were opening early. And just like that, we were off.

So the night before, having stayed up til' 4 with my grandma (and maybe 6, by myself, watching movies online cause I couldn't get to sleep on the couch) and waking up around 1130, then staying up shopping until the next day til' about 8AM had me pooped. My cousin was like, "You all [the other cousins that were with me] look exhausted." We all proceeded to tell her shutup, then got home and went comatose upon hitting the bed.

Oh yeah, guess what? My sister's turkey came out well.

(Rae you should've known this would be up here LOL)

Granted, she (YOU!) didn't send me the recipe. I'll wait. I mean, I do have a recipe book now, I need to pass it on to the next generation man. I know there's something I'm forgetting to mention, but I can't figure out what. Uh.. I didn't forget that I still haven't posted the quotes from the last few shows I've been at or the info. on the Mr.'s, but... yeah. We'll get there.

Quit Your Worrying,

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I'm really glad we got a chance to sit it down & rap a tad.

Listening to T.I. while the bleach and cleaning fluid soaks in my shower... that's right, doing some of that good cleaning. My Grammy is staying in my place (at school) for Thanksgiving. We're going to celebrate this holiday with my mom's side of the family here in Philly.

I can't even think of the last time we've done that. Typically, if I'm not with my dad's side of the family, I'm with my grandma and brother. My maternal family stops there for the most part. Granted, I used to be very close with the cousins on my mom's side of the family. Time and distance changed things.

Lately, being around them just makes me nostalgic and depressed. But as I've already noted, it doesn't have to be like that. So, I'm excited to be with them.

However, I'm trying to make this place spick and span before my lady (Grandma) walks in the door. My "clean" living conditions aren't the "clean" living conditions I want her seeing. She needs to be impressed and smell Pine-Sol when she walks in the door. Mind you, I'm probably going downstairs to meet her smelling like bleach cause she should be here soon.

I can't express how hype I am about seeing her. My plan? She said she's bringing the Scrabble board, so that's already a wrap. Scrabble is a big deal in my family. If you can't put together some words, you're good as done for. Maybe that's where this poetry thing manifested.

Oh yeah, it just hit me that she'll be here for my show on Friday. She's never seen me perform. I've read her stuff, but nothing recently. Hopefully, I can get something extra special written for her and memorized by Friday. We'll see how this goes :holds breath:

My phone just vibrated. I thought that was her. I was about to say, let the good times begin. On another note, it hasn't hit me that tomorrow's Thanksgiving. I'm actually on duty tonight in my building. Picture that.

A lot of people are like, you aren't coming home for Thanksgiving? Want to hear something crazy? I've learned that wherever I am is home. So, I'm home. And if my Grandma's coming too, oh it's definitely where I'm supposed to be.

My sister is making a turkey for the first time, doing dinner with her brother, daughter and husband. AHHHH! I forget she's like a whole grown, family having, woman. It's crazy to think she's starting her own Thanksgiving tradition now with her family. I told her to take pics of the turkey.

Assuming she'll read this, Rae-write down everything you did to that turkey if it comes out well, cause I'll have to do one myself someday. Blah. Craziness. What if the people I prepare for like stuffing, but I don't, would I still have to prepare it? LOL Really though.

I'm bout to go scrub this shower. If time permits, I'll post my tidbit about Mr. Flatter Yourself and Mr. Intelligent. The latter person is more a comedic anecdote. The first one, man it's just a hot mess. I don't even know a better way to put it. There might be two other Mr.'s to add to this list, but there names would be more positive. Like, Mr. Nice and Mr. Inspiring. Definitely. Yeah, I gotta get on top of that.

Oh yeah, went to an open mic turned show last Friday celebrating my boy Amun's b-day. It was ill. Like, the energy in there had me feeling like I was about to explode from all the positivity. Much like this cleaning fluid has me feeling like I need to crack a window :) Really though. The quotes I pulled from there, along with the ones I got from Excelano's show-man o' man, it's over.

Here are (just 2) pics from the show: (wait, gram is calling! She says, "If I'm not at your building. I'm going to take a nap, get back in the car, and go home, cause this has been the trip from Hell!") Gotta love that (she's been on the road 2 hrs longer than the trip takes), here are the pics, I'm outty. I'll remind you about the Mr.'s, really- but for now I gotta go rescue Grandma.

Like a Thief in the Night,

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I'd Rather Drop Jewels

You Still Rap? from Konnoisseur Creative Group on Vimeo.

I See You Shinin',

For Audrey

I guess we're both up for different reasons. I saw the comment you left on my old post, Fav. Quotes. I didn't know if you'd look back at the post for the answer and I couldn't get to your profile or page. So, to answer your question about the quote:

"We live a love that even God would envy. And for her I would carry the cross to my own crucifixion if it'd make her have more faith in me..."
It's from a poem, Shihan's poem to be specific. The name of that poem is called "In Response". I saw it on Def Poetry, but I can't remember which season since I have them all. Here it is though:

Hope That Helps,

Thought for the Day 11/24

Just because it sells doesn't mean it should.
Being good is no substitute for being amazing.
-Heard it at a show on Friday(?)

Much Agreed,

So, I have a show on Friday

& you should be there.

Don'tcha Think?

Monday, November 23, 2009

Thought(s) for the Day 11/23

...and I'm early this time, chicka-chicka-yeah.

"Sometimes the greatest help you
can give folks is to leave them alone."

(?, got it out of a book full of quotes)

This quote holds so much truth in my life right now. More than I care to acknowledge or expound on. We'll go two for two, because I feel like the one above isn't enough. I watched I Can Do Bad All By Myself this weekend, here's what Madea had to say (yes, my second time quoting Madea-who'd of thunk it?)

"Clothes don't make you pretty.
They make you broke."

Such is Life. Right?

Meet Georgina

This pretty lil' thing right here is the newest addition to the office I work in. And today, we named her. Georgina. Fly, right? Initially, when my coworker said Georgina I was like... "man, hell to the no" in my head. I waited before I voiced my opinion and before I could open my mouth, something in my head said "it's actually fitting".

And since me and him (my coworker) were the only ones present at this naming ceremony, the name stuck. What happens next is what I would like to call "When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong", and if you ever watched Dave Chapelle you understand:

After we honored Georgina with a name, she broke. Rude, right? The nerve of her. I guess she was showing her disapproval.

I'm sure a good bit of you are wondering who cares about having a new printer at work in the first place? Well, the answer would be ME. I'm not ashamed. Clearly, I've been at my job too long. But you don't know how terrible our old printer was. Not to mention, Georgina has a bunch of pretty, shiny buttons and the kid in me can't deny anything that allows me to push it and witness it make noise as a result. It's responsive. Like a real live person! LOL

Pathetic, huh? I mentioned it to another one of my coworkers in the hallway today, and she was like, "Yeah, it's dope." The printer. Is dope. See? It's not just me. So, Georgina started acting up and getting jammed with paper after we named her, but she had pictures showing us how to fix her and step by step instructions where we could click "Next" upon fixing each instructed step. How polite.

She wasn't broke because she had a jam though, it actually was something I did when trying to put more paper in the tray. Some little piece popped out and was loose after that... took me and my coworker some time to get it right, but we did, and we were damn proud. One silent victory for the home team. However, if something else happens to the printer I'll have to deny the fact that I was involved. Yup, yup. I'm goin' to act like it's the first I ever heard of Georgina having problems.

Ok, I'm done. I just wanted to introduce you to the new boo in my life I was excited about getting to know.

Be Nice to Her,

Someone remind me to tell you all about Mr. Intelligent and Mr. Flatter Yourself later on.

For Jo and Jazz (& Anyone Else Who'd Like to Follow)

[like Pam and Jess, maybe? HINT HINT]

Yes, I gave ya'll a nickname. Is that ok? (insert: bashful meets bold face here)

This post is an instructional on how to "Follow" me and a general update.

I know some people are like, wait... that's not hard. You have no idea. I asked a few people and there was mass confusion, and since I don't follow my blog-I didn't know what were the necessary steps. Not to mention, when I tried to-the process is different for me since I already have a blog.

God bless Skype, because now we have an answer!

Thanks *Beans for sharing your screen while going through the motions. Here's how it works folks [wait.. let me interrupt and say that the aforementioned Beans just got his dream job on Wall Street... raise your glasses to the sky for him or just send prayers and positive energy his way when you get the time and space, plz. Proceeding]:
1. Scroll down to the portion of my page that says "I Lead, You Follow?"
2. Click "Follow"
3. If you aren't already signed into an AIM, Google or Yahoo account-it will ask you to log into one of those accounts, upon doing this- it's pretty self explanatory.
4. HOWEVER, if you don't have any of these account types, then you need to create one.
... that's all. Simple as pie. Well... maybe not, but you got it. Let me know how it works?

On another note, I have to give Jo and Jazz a special shout out. As poets, we know the power of words. As people, we often forget that our talent really reaches people. As a blogger, I often don't know if I'm writing for anyone beyond myself... I mean, yeah people are "following", but the comments aren't a clear reflection of that.

I went to "The Greatest Show on Earth" yesterday that was presented by Excelano Project, U. Penn's poetry collective, and I ran into into these two girls and they just showed me so much love. First off, not many people are bold enough to admit that they read your blog regularly, let alone approach you. Hell, my friends learn things about me via blog and then bring it up all offended but try to omit the fact that they actually were reading it in the first place. "It's a curious thing." (I said was going to start saying that. Went hiking two weeks ago. Don't ask. It was something I had to do for class, and the hiking/tour guide man [don't know the proper term] kept saying that- "It's a curious thing."

Anywho, they showed me all this love, asked to take pictures with me and were just so endearing. I just felt honored. Like, here's "regular ol' me" coming to see the show, not even performing, yet they wanted to take pictures with me. Me. It was one of those, "they love me. they really love me." moments. It's funny writing this now that we're Facebook friends and all. Communication and connectedness is so real though.

As far as the actual show, you know I took down some quotes. I'll be posting them soon, just not tonight. That show had me in tears. I literally had to walk out for a minute and compose myself so I wouldn't make a scene in the midst of it. One of them wrote a poem about her father's mother dying, from her fathers perspective and it had me thinking about my mother.

Somethin' I've realized: I haven't coped with her (my mother's) death as much as I think I have. Like, intense conversations about death (meaning anything that goes past typical "death" conversation, whatever that means) shouldn't result in tears. Like, it's just ridiculous. Damn me and my emotional self. Nonetheless, I've decided to write about it which should be peace.

The first and last poem I wrote about my mom was more like a letter and it never left the page. Performing it really wasn't an option cause I couldn't get through it without breaking down. Hmph. Change gwan' come (said in the worse Jamaican accent known to man). Here are the actual pics with Jazz and Jo from last night.

Clearly, this was after the show. Hence, my red puffy face and teary eyes. Bahhh humbug.
This was prior to the show... when I first received their love and was fresh-faced. Oww! :)

Alright, alright. That's about it. Peace to ya'll though, sincerely. It's endearing and humbling all at once when people show love. Did I mention I have on show on Friday at Freedom Theatre? See you there?

One last thing: I chilled with my friend Jadon this week too. His energy is amazing, and it had been a while. That also contributed to my feathery feeling as of late. He's a humble dude. A poet at that. Not too many humble male poets left, especially not ones taping Sprite commercials and such. Everyone's moving up man. Progress.


Sunday, November 22, 2009

Requested Jay-Z Lyrics

Hey there good folks.

On Friday I mentioned this internal conflict I was having regarding the rumors circulating about Jay-Z's social ties and religious beliefs. I also said if anyone wanted to see the lyrics to let me know. Well "Anonymous" requested them. Who are you, "Anonymous"? Why aren't you following me? Read THIS. Look at the indented portion of the words. It's not that hard :) Let's be friends LOL

Anywho, I literally just copy and pasted the email I sent to my old roommate into this portion of the post. Again, it's literally everything. Which is a lot. So, here's how this is going to work. Granted, it may be self-explanatory... " may be" involves the possibility that it isn't so the BOLD, CAPS LOCK written words are song titles, following that are his lyrics and anything written in [lower font size/brackets/italics] explains my possible interpretation of the lyrics... which means I think he may have been hinting at [this], but I have no way of knowing and have yet to make a decision for myself as to what he really was doing.

Maybe I just don't want to. Whatever the case, let the lyrics begin:

Whoever said illegal was the easy way out couldn't understand the
And the workings of the underworld [giving your soul to the devil], granted
Nine to five is how to survive, I ain't tryin' to survive [or do what's right]
I'm tryin' to live it to the limit and love it a lot
Life ills, poison my body
I used to say 'fuck mic skills,' and never prayed to God, I prayed to
That's right it's wicked, that's life I live it
Ain't askin' for forgiveness for my sins, endz
I break bread with the late heads, picking their brains for angles on
all the evils that the game'll do
It gets dangerous, money and power is changing us
And now we're lethal, infected with D'Evils...
[devils, not d'evils. that's so blatant/self-explanatory, IDK if I'd even call it a double entendre]

My flesh, no nigga could test
My soul is possessed by D'Evils in the form of diamonds and lexus'es
The exorcist, got me doin' skits like Homie
You don't know me, but the whole world owe me

Was thought to be a pleasant guy all my fuckin' life
So now I'm down for whatever, ain't nothing nice
Throughout my junior high years it was all friendly
But now this higher learnin' got the Remy in me
Liquors invaded my kidneys
Got me ready to lick off, mama forgive me
I can't be held accountable, D'Evils beating me down, boo [literally]
Got me runnin' with guys, makin' G's, tellin' lies that sound true
[a part of earning rankings in Masonry is making people of lower ranking think they understand things they don't by lying to them]
Come test me, I never cower
For the love of money, son, I'm givin' lead showers
Stop screamin', you know the demon said it's best to die
And even if Jehovah witness, bet he'll never testify, D'Evils...

Lord forgive him
He got them dark forces in him [simple enough.]
But he also got a righteous cause for sinnin

I ain't tryin to be facetious
But "Vengeance is mine" said the Lord
You said it better than all

Like an evangelist
I can introduce you to your maker
Bring you closer to nature
Ashes after they cremate you bastards
Hope you been readin your psalms and chapters
Payin your ties being good Catholics
I'm comin [people need to be prepared to meet their maker upon your arrival? hmm.]

Lucifer, dawn of de morning! I'm gonna, chase you out of Earth
[when Lucifer comes, the rest will leave or learn his way-which is just what I've come to think it may be according to the rest of the song lyrics as a whole. not just my basic understanding of the chorus which is a whole one line.]

And when i perish
The meek shall inherit the earth
Until that time it's on and poppin Church

The Black Albums second verse is like
Devil's Pie please save some dessert for us
[your food for though is Devil's Pie?]

Man i gotta get my soul right
'For i'm locked up for my whole life
Evertime it seems it's all right
Somebody want they soul to rise
(I'll chase you off of this Earth)
[this bugged me out cause I interpreted it as him saying everytime he tried to go back to God someone wanted to cross to the "other side" with him, to where he is]

The allure of breakin the law
Is always too much for me to ever ignore
I gotta thing for them big body Benzes, it dulls my senses
[as in, he's numb]

It's just life, I solemnly swear
To change my approach, stop shavin coke
Stay away from hoes, put down the toast
Cause I be doin the most.. oh no!
But every time I felt that was that, it called me right back
It called me right back, man it called me right back - oh no!
[again, he wants to do right but keeps being called to the "other side"]

All of y'all can get it like group page in your 2-way
I'm livin proof that crime do pay
Say hooray to the bad guy, and all the broads
Puttin cars in they name for the stars of the game

The game is a light bulb with eleventy-million volts
And I'm just a moth, addicted to the floss
And doors lift from the floor and the tops come off
By any means necessary, whatever the cost
Even if it means lives is lost..

[he'll do what's wrong, no matter what. period.]

I'm in the blueberry 5, you blink three times
I may not even be alive
How mean James Dean couldn't escape the allure
Dyin young, leavin a good lookin corpse
Of course
[like, he realizes the penalty may be death but it's a bittersweet cost to pay]


I just play the hand I'm dealt, I can't say I've never knelt
before God and asked for better cards at times to no avail
But I never sat back feelin sorry for myself
If you don't give me heaven I'll raise hell
'Til it's heaven

[THIS BUGGED ME THE FUCK OUT b/c it's one of my favorite verses of all time, but when I got to thinking too hard I thought he could mean that he'd raise hell, not as in "kick up dust" but literally bring hell to the level of heaven... like, if it doesn't work out via God, he'll work with the devil until the devil takes God's place. I only think this cause he says "til it's heaven" at the end, which isn't said in the verse as part of the rap-just separately and he could have gone without it, idk.]

I am the Michael Schumacher of the Roc roster
Travellin Mach 5, barrelin, my power can stop God
[can stop God? What?!]
God forgive me but I can't let them deliver me to you
Until, I won this race, then eventually
My engine gon' burn out, I get whatever is meant for me
However it turns out fine - red line!
[basically, it's whatever]

Thank God for granting me this moment of clarity
This moment of honesty
The world'll feel my truths
Through my Hard Knock Life time
My Gift and The Curse
I gave you volume after volume of my work
So you can feel my truths
I built the Dynasty by being one of the realest niggas out
Way beyond a Reasonable Doubt
(You all can't fill my shoes)
From my Blueprint beginnings
To that Black Album ending
Listen close you hear what I'm about

[this also had me trippin', cause initially I just thought he was listing his albums but if you think about it, it seems like he's saying if you listen closely to his music you'll see how "black" it really is, esp. because he says "MY gift and the curse", not THE gift and the curse-which makes it seem as if he knows the curse that now comes along with his gift of writing]

flow is black magic, I'm at it again
Rose Bowl with black karats, "Horse & Carriage" to spend
like Mason Betha, chasin this cheddar, to the end
of the road because the end I'm told is nearer than we know
What can I say but live for today

How so, how Jay get up out that, here, yeah
I snatched purses I per-se-vered, yeah
I had work, fiends purchased, it was clear
I was out there sellin hope for despair
[this reminded me of something I read about Masonry, but I can't remember what. Sowwy.]

(Talk to 'em B)
If I was your girlfriend
I'll be there for you, if somebody hurts you
Even if that sombody's me
Yeah-hee (break it down for 'em)
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be
And so I put this on my life
Nobody or nothing will ever come between us
And I promise I'll give my life
my love and my trust if you was my boyfriend
Put this on my life
The air that I breathe in, all that I believe in
I promise I'll give my life
my love and my trust if you was my boyfriend
[to flip it, Beyonce saying this part made me think that it sounded like she was pledging her allegiance to him by agreeing to adopt Masonry or devil-worshiping as well.. like, "all that I believe in"-when it's common knowledge she grew up in the church-so it's like she's saying I'll give up God to be your girl. Crazy.]

They gunning for me
Wanna see me fall
You know my story
I been through it all
Nights I felt like dying
But I ain't crying
What didn't kill me
Made me strong as iron
I am
I am
Oh my God, HOV
[so in audio, it just sounds like OMG, Hov. but written, it opens my eyes to a different interpretation cause now it seems like he's saying I am God (Hov)]

Now I'm knee-deep in the concrete
Like the streets made of quicksand beyond deep
I got a chemical romance, two left feet
So now I dance with the devil, please GOD
Save me from the black parade, release me

[him saying that he's being pulled to the other side, and wants God to save him]

I'm feeling like the world's against me Lord
Call me crazy but strangely I love the odds

[in opposition, he's ok with being where he is]

And I'm so evolved I'm so involved
I'm showing growth, I'm so in charge
I'm C.E.O. and yeah going god
I'm so indebted, I should have been deaded
Selling blow in the park, this I know in my heart
Now I'm so enlightened I might glow in the dark

[something about this just sounds/reads funny to me. I can't explain it.]

I don't know what life will be in H.I.P. H.O.P.
Without the boy H.O.V. (I will be, I will be)
Not only N.Y.C. I'm hip hop's savior (Yeah)
So after this flow you might owe me a favor (Yeah)
When kingdom come, you ready? (I will be)
[when God comes, will you be ready? he will be. he's savior. ughhhh]

I'm still hear mon frerre
you know the cost i bear
they like thats why they call you Hov, I'm like yeah

[no bull, this is a tough line. but again, it's another God comparison]

Some said HOV, how you get so fly
I said from not being afraid to fall out the sky

[as in not being afraid to fall from/lose God's grace]

I know i shouldnt've did that
I know its gon' come right back
I know its gon' destroy everything i made
Its probably gon' get ya boy sent away
But this game I play, ain't no way to fix it
Its inevitable that i'm-
[somewhat self explanatory, like he knows he shouldn't have gone to "the dark side", but the decision was inevitable and he knows what the price is]

Said where i would stop before i even started
When i get to one brick, then The Game i will depart with
Got to one brick then i looked to the sky, said
Sorry God, i lied, but give me one more try

[he tried to do right, but couldn't]

Fight, and you'll never survive
Run, and you'll never escape
So just fall from grace

[exactly. just go on over to the dark side.]

[Mr. Hudson]
Let’s dance in style,
Let’s dance for a while,
Heaven can wait we’re only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst,
Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?
Let us die young or let us live forever,
[this goes back to his verse about James Dean in Lucifer]

Forever young,
I wanna be forever young
Do you really want to live forever?

...forever young is in your mind
Leave a mark that can’t erase neither space nor time
So when the director yells cut,
I’ll be fine,
I’m forever young…
[kind of like when life's over he will be elsewhere so it's irrelevant]

Fear not when, fear not why,
Fear not much while were alive,
Life is for living not living up tight,
See ya somewhere up in the sky,
Fear not die, I'll be alive for a million years, bye bye,
So not for legends, I'm forever young
My name shall survive

[immortal, maybe?]

Hail Mary to the city, you're a virgin
And Jesus can't save you, life starts when the church end

[since when can't Jesus save you? like, it seems like this was one of those lines saying the real world is beyond God's reach.]

Then B.I. said, "Hov' remind yourself
nobody built like you, you've designed yourself"
I agree I said, my one of a kind self
Get stoned every day like Jesus did
What he said, I said, has been said before
"Just keep doing your thing," he said, say no more
[again, a God comparison and then him opting to continue doing whatever he's doing-and I don't think it's something with a positive connotation]

Alright, I'm tapped out. Again, I was just reading into things heavier than I normally do, and these were my thoughts. I haven't decided how I really feel about it. Maybe I'm being foolish or naive or selective because I love this man's lyrics so frickin' much.

Only God knows. How ironic.

Maybe It's Not Ironic At All,