Monday, November 30, 2009

Thought for the Day 11/30

Story of My Life LOL,

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Thought for the Day 11/29

I’m an open book written in complicated language but people don’t like reading to begin with... There’s something to learn from every person just like there is something to learn in every book, but we must take the time to read; to appreciate the language and not toss it aside simply because we don’t understand it. Besides, books written in simplicity don’t often change the world. It’s in the subtext that we find true genius.

-He-may Okojie, a King I had the pleasure of meeting this weekend

& A Great Weekend it Was,

(that may very well be one of my new favorite quotes)

Saturday, November 28, 2009

You're My Bad Habit Baby

When did this video come out? I swear it sings lullabies to me.

Maxwell - Bad Habits (Official Music Video)

Teedra Moses: Backstroke,

Mama, I Made It.

I feel good.

Let's start there. Grandma has been here since Wednesday night, and I've beat her in Scrabble. Not once, but two times. Throughout my whole life I have officially beat her three times in Scrabble. I was bout' to name this post "I Beat Her Twice", but didn't want to hint towards anything domestic :)

Is it appropriate to put a smiley face there? Anywho, one of the times I beat her it was by 100 points and I made a 72pt. word by using all my letters (which is an extra 50pts.) to spell P-L-E-A-S-A-N-T. Ow! The second time, a friend that was playing with us used all his words to spell R-E-V-I-S-I-O-N, and I still won. (I can barely beat my Grandma, so I couldn't have him thinking he was just goin' step in my place and disrespect both of us LOL) Take that! See?

*See that word "squeg" at the bottom? Yeah, that's me. Look it up.

So, onto the topic: I had my show last night. Grammy came. She loved it, as did I. Everyone just went in, ATFC (all the fuck crazy) as we would say. She was sitting in the front row (trying) to take pictures with her phone. I say trying, because when I got off stage and went to sit beside her, she was fumbling with her phone trying to find the pics, and when I got a hold of her phone (because she didn't want help, *feisty old woman) I told her the pic never took or it would be stored "here".

That's all to the good though. I performed a piece I wrote 2 years ago. It's a letter to mother that's never left the page, but I felt like the time was fitting since Grammy was there. I've written about it before in a smaller capacity. Here. But this time, I did the whole thing, and yes I cried, but I made it through. It was my closing piece. People showed so much love.

I realized last night how blessed I am that people request my presence at events like that one. Like, naturally I'm there getting my soul fed, but it's something else to be considered a "feeder". I know I could've worded that better. You get me though, right?

After performing, I stepped outside to take a breather. And something happened, but I'm not sharing the details of that with anyone. It's the first secret I'll ever have to myself. Maybe it'll be in a book I publish, but until then-it's all mine. Ever since reading somewhere that it was good to keep secrets amongst yourself, I've just been waiting for something to occur LOL

And, I mean, things have occurred but I just HAD TO tell someone. Like, they were too good to keep to myself. However, (and this was good) this one is just for me. Yay!

I felt good about where I was though, at that moment. And I think Mommy heard me, and she was pleased. What a feeling. Wait. Did I ever say Happy Thanksgiving?
Happy Thanksgiving!

Speaking of which, that day went very well. I actually enjoyed being with all my mom's family. The discomfort was nowhere to be found. I don't know if that's because my lady was present or otherwise, but it was cool. Not to mention, Jill Scott was in attendance.

I have no idea how she's related to our family, but it's my second time meeting her and being told we're cousins. Hell if I know. I do remember her father working for the Philadelphia Zoo security when I was hella young and him taking us for a tour of it at night... uber creepy. Definitely didn't get to experience the bat cave. Some things we black folks don't partake in at night. Thrill or no thrill. We know better.

Her 7mo. old son was there and so well behaved. I swear you wouldn't have known a baby was in the room. He was so quiet and pleasant. Just really observant with his long eyelashes and full lips. His name's Jett Hamilton, which I wouldn't name my son but I definitely like. It has a ring to it.

I actually did some minor Black Friday shopping. Who came up with that event and the term for it? Like, what? I didn't plan on attending, but I was in the market for a new dress or two. Me and my cousins were all lounging around on our 2nd plate of food, and my aunt mentioned that a major mall and an outlet were opening early. And just like that, we were off.

So the night before, having stayed up til' 4 with my grandma (and maybe 6, by myself, watching movies online cause I couldn't get to sleep on the couch) and waking up around 1130, then staying up shopping until the next day til' about 8AM had me pooped. My cousin was like, "You all [the other cousins that were with me] look exhausted." We all proceeded to tell her shutup, then got home and went comatose upon hitting the bed.

Oh yeah, guess what? My sister's turkey came out well.

(Rae you should've known this would be up here LOL)

Granted, she (YOU!) didn't send me the recipe. I'll wait. I mean, I do have a recipe book now, I need to pass it on to the next generation man. I know there's something I'm forgetting to mention, but I can't figure out what. Uh.. I didn't forget that I still haven't posted the quotes from the last few shows I've been at or the info. on the Mr.'s, but... yeah. We'll get there.

Quit Your Worrying,

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I'm really glad we got a chance to sit it down & rap a tad.

Listening to T.I. while the bleach and cleaning fluid soaks in my shower... that's right, doing some of that good cleaning. My Grammy is staying in my place (at school) for Thanksgiving. We're going to celebrate this holiday with my mom's side of the family here in Philly.

I can't even think of the last time we've done that. Typically, if I'm not with my dad's side of the family, I'm with my grandma and brother. My maternal family stops there for the most part. Granted, I used to be very close with the cousins on my mom's side of the family. Time and distance changed things.

Lately, being around them just makes me nostalgic and depressed. But as I've already noted, it doesn't have to be like that. So, I'm excited to be with them.

However, I'm trying to make this place spick and span before my lady (Grandma) walks in the door. My "clean" living conditions aren't the "clean" living conditions I want her seeing. She needs to be impressed and smell Pine-Sol when she walks in the door. Mind you, I'm probably going downstairs to meet her smelling like bleach cause she should be here soon.

I can't express how hype I am about seeing her. My plan? She said she's bringing the Scrabble board, so that's already a wrap. Scrabble is a big deal in my family. If you can't put together some words, you're good as done for. Maybe that's where this poetry thing manifested.

Oh yeah, it just hit me that she'll be here for my show on Friday. She's never seen me perform. I've read her stuff, but nothing recently. Hopefully, I can get something extra special written for her and memorized by Friday. We'll see how this goes :holds breath:

My phone just vibrated. I thought that was her. I was about to say, let the good times begin. On another note, it hasn't hit me that tomorrow's Thanksgiving. I'm actually on duty tonight in my building. Picture that.

A lot of people are like, you aren't coming home for Thanksgiving? Want to hear something crazy? I've learned that wherever I am is home. So, I'm home. And if my Grandma's coming too, oh it's definitely where I'm supposed to be.

My sister is making a turkey for the first time, doing dinner with her brother, daughter and husband. AHHHH! I forget she's like a whole grown, family having, woman. It's crazy to think she's starting her own Thanksgiving tradition now with her family. I told her to take pics of the turkey.

Assuming she'll read this, Rae-write down everything you did to that turkey if it comes out well, cause I'll have to do one myself someday. Blah. Craziness. What if the people I prepare for like stuffing, but I don't, would I still have to prepare it? LOL Really though.

I'm bout to go scrub this shower. If time permits, I'll post my tidbit about Mr. Flatter Yourself and Mr. Intelligent. The latter person is more a comedic anecdote. The first one, man it's just a hot mess. I don't even know a better way to put it. There might be two other Mr.'s to add to this list, but there names would be more positive. Like, Mr. Nice and Mr. Inspiring. Definitely. Yeah, I gotta get on top of that.

Oh yeah, went to an open mic turned show last Friday celebrating my boy Amun's b-day. It was ill. Like, the energy in there had me feeling like I was about to explode from all the positivity. Much like this cleaning fluid has me feeling like I need to crack a window :) Really though. The quotes I pulled from there, along with the ones I got from Excelano's show-man o' man, it's over.

Here are (just 2) pics from the show: (wait, gram is calling! She says, "If I'm not at your building. I'm going to take a nap, get back in the car, and go home, cause this has been the trip from Hell!") Gotta love that (she's been on the road 2 hrs longer than the trip takes), here are the pics, I'm outty. I'll remind you about the Mr.'s, really- but for now I gotta go rescue Grandma.

Like a Thief in the Night,

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I'd Rather Drop Jewels

You Still Rap? from Konnoisseur Creative Group on Vimeo.

I See You Shinin',

For Audrey

I guess we're both up for different reasons. I saw the comment you left on my old post, Fav. Quotes. I didn't know if you'd look back at the post for the answer and I couldn't get to your profile or page. So, to answer your question about the quote:

"We live a love that even God would envy. And for her I would carry the cross to my own crucifixion if it'd make her have more faith in me..."
It's from a poem, Shihan's poem to be specific. The name of that poem is called "In Response". I saw it on Def Poetry, but I can't remember which season since I have them all. Here it is though:

Hope That Helps,

Thought for the Day 11/24

Just because it sells doesn't mean it should.
Being good is no substitute for being amazing.
-Heard it at a show on Friday(?)

Much Agreed,

So, I have a show on Friday

& you should be there.

Don'tcha Think?

Monday, November 23, 2009

Thought(s) for the Day 11/23

...and I'm early this time, chicka-chicka-yeah.

"Sometimes the greatest help you
can give folks is to leave them alone."

(?, got it out of a book full of quotes)

This quote holds so much truth in my life right now. More than I care to acknowledge or expound on. We'll go two for two, because I feel like the one above isn't enough. I watched I Can Do Bad All By Myself this weekend, here's what Madea had to say (yes, my second time quoting Madea-who'd of thunk it?)

"Clothes don't make you pretty.
They make you broke."

Such is Life. Right?

Meet Georgina

This pretty lil' thing right here is the newest addition to the office I work in. And today, we named her. Georgina. Fly, right? Initially, when my coworker said Georgina I was like... "man, hell to the no" in my head. I waited before I voiced my opinion and before I could open my mouth, something in my head said "it's actually fitting".

And since me and him (my coworker) were the only ones present at this naming ceremony, the name stuck. What happens next is what I would like to call "When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong", and if you ever watched Dave Chapelle you understand:

After we honored Georgina with a name, she broke. Rude, right? The nerve of her. I guess she was showing her disapproval.

I'm sure a good bit of you are wondering who cares about having a new printer at work in the first place? Well, the answer would be ME. I'm not ashamed. Clearly, I've been at my job too long. But you don't know how terrible our old printer was. Not to mention, Georgina has a bunch of pretty, shiny buttons and the kid in me can't deny anything that allows me to push it and witness it make noise as a result. It's responsive. Like a real live person! LOL

Pathetic, huh? I mentioned it to another one of my coworkers in the hallway today, and she was like, "Yeah, it's dope." The printer. Is dope. See? It's not just me. So, Georgina started acting up and getting jammed with paper after we named her, but she had pictures showing us how to fix her and step by step instructions where we could click "Next" upon fixing each instructed step. How polite.

She wasn't broke because she had a jam though, it actually was something I did when trying to put more paper in the tray. Some little piece popped out and was loose after that... took me and my coworker some time to get it right, but we did, and we were damn proud. One silent victory for the home team. However, if something else happens to the printer I'll have to deny the fact that I was involved. Yup, yup. I'm goin' to act like it's the first I ever heard of Georgina having problems.

Ok, I'm done. I just wanted to introduce you to the new boo in my life I was excited about getting to know.

Be Nice to Her,

Someone remind me to tell you all about Mr. Intelligent and Mr. Flatter Yourself later on.

For Jo and Jazz (& Anyone Else Who'd Like to Follow)

[like Pam and Jess, maybe? HINT HINT]

Yes, I gave ya'll a nickname. Is that ok? (insert: bashful meets bold face here)

This post is an instructional on how to "Follow" me and a general update.

I know some people are like, wait... that's not hard. You have no idea. I asked a few people and there was mass confusion, and since I don't follow my blog-I didn't know what were the necessary steps. Not to mention, when I tried to-the process is different for me since I already have a blog.

God bless Skype, because now we have an answer!

Thanks *Beans for sharing your screen while going through the motions. Here's how it works folks [wait.. let me interrupt and say that the aforementioned Beans just got his dream job on Wall Street... raise your glasses to the sky for him or just send prayers and positive energy his way when you get the time and space, plz. Proceeding]:
1. Scroll down to the portion of my page that says "I Lead, You Follow?"
2. Click "Follow"
3. If you aren't already signed into an AIM, Google or Yahoo account-it will ask you to log into one of those accounts, upon doing this- it's pretty self explanatory.
4. HOWEVER, if you don't have any of these account types, then you need to create one.
... that's all. Simple as pie. Well... maybe not, but you got it. Let me know how it works?

On another note, I have to give Jo and Jazz a special shout out. As poets, we know the power of words. As people, we often forget that our talent really reaches people. As a blogger, I often don't know if I'm writing for anyone beyond myself... I mean, yeah people are "following", but the comments aren't a clear reflection of that.

I went to "The Greatest Show on Earth" yesterday that was presented by Excelano Project, U. Penn's poetry collective, and I ran into into these two girls and they just showed me so much love. First off, not many people are bold enough to admit that they read your blog regularly, let alone approach you. Hell, my friends learn things about me via blog and then bring it up all offended but try to omit the fact that they actually were reading it in the first place. "It's a curious thing." (I said was going to start saying that. Went hiking two weeks ago. Don't ask. It was something I had to do for class, and the hiking/tour guide man [don't know the proper term] kept saying that- "It's a curious thing."

Anywho, they showed me all this love, asked to take pictures with me and were just so endearing. I just felt honored. Like, here's "regular ol' me" coming to see the show, not even performing, yet they wanted to take pictures with me. Me. It was one of those, "they love me. they really love me." moments. It's funny writing this now that we're Facebook friends and all. Communication and connectedness is so real though.

As far as the actual show, you know I took down some quotes. I'll be posting them soon, just not tonight. That show had me in tears. I literally had to walk out for a minute and compose myself so I wouldn't make a scene in the midst of it. One of them wrote a poem about her father's mother dying, from her fathers perspective and it had me thinking about my mother.

Somethin' I've realized: I haven't coped with her (my mother's) death as much as I think I have. Like, intense conversations about death (meaning anything that goes past typical "death" conversation, whatever that means) shouldn't result in tears. Like, it's just ridiculous. Damn me and my emotional self. Nonetheless, I've decided to write about it which should be peace.

The first and last poem I wrote about my mom was more like a letter and it never left the page. Performing it really wasn't an option cause I couldn't get through it without breaking down. Hmph. Change gwan' come (said in the worse Jamaican accent known to man). Here are the actual pics with Jazz and Jo from last night.

Clearly, this was after the show. Hence, my red puffy face and teary eyes. Bahhh humbug.
This was prior to the show... when I first received their love and was fresh-faced. Oww! :)

Alright, alright. That's about it. Peace to ya'll though, sincerely. It's endearing and humbling all at once when people show love. Did I mention I have on show on Friday at Freedom Theatre? See you there?

One last thing: I chilled with my friend Jadon this week too. His energy is amazing, and it had been a while. That also contributed to my feathery feeling as of late. He's a humble dude. A poet at that. Not too many humble male poets left, especially not ones taping Sprite commercials and such. Everyone's moving up man. Progress.


Sunday, November 22, 2009

Requested Jay-Z Lyrics

Hey there good folks.

On Friday I mentioned this internal conflict I was having regarding the rumors circulating about Jay-Z's social ties and religious beliefs. I also said if anyone wanted to see the lyrics to let me know. Well "Anonymous" requested them. Who are you, "Anonymous"? Why aren't you following me? Read THIS. Look at the indented portion of the words. It's not that hard :) Let's be friends LOL

Anywho, I literally just copy and pasted the email I sent to my old roommate into this portion of the post. Again, it's literally everything. Which is a lot. So, here's how this is going to work. Granted, it may be self-explanatory... " may be" involves the possibility that it isn't so the BOLD, CAPS LOCK written words are song titles, following that are his lyrics and anything written in [lower font size/brackets/italics] explains my possible interpretation of the lyrics... which means I think he may have been hinting at [this], but I have no way of knowing and have yet to make a decision for myself as to what he really was doing.

Maybe I just don't want to. Whatever the case, let the lyrics begin:

Whoever said illegal was the easy way out couldn't understand the
And the workings of the underworld [giving your soul to the devil], granted
Nine to five is how to survive, I ain't tryin' to survive [or do what's right]
I'm tryin' to live it to the limit and love it a lot
Life ills, poison my body
I used to say 'fuck mic skills,' and never prayed to God, I prayed to
That's right it's wicked, that's life I live it
Ain't askin' for forgiveness for my sins, endz
I break bread with the late heads, picking their brains for angles on
all the evils that the game'll do
It gets dangerous, money and power is changing us
And now we're lethal, infected with D'Evils...
[devils, not d'evils. that's so blatant/self-explanatory, IDK if I'd even call it a double entendre]

My flesh, no nigga could test
My soul is possessed by D'Evils in the form of diamonds and lexus'es
The exorcist, got me doin' skits like Homie
You don't know me, but the whole world owe me

Was thought to be a pleasant guy all my fuckin' life
So now I'm down for whatever, ain't nothing nice
Throughout my junior high years it was all friendly
But now this higher learnin' got the Remy in me
Liquors invaded my kidneys
Got me ready to lick off, mama forgive me
I can't be held accountable, D'Evils beating me down, boo [literally]
Got me runnin' with guys, makin' G's, tellin' lies that sound true
[a part of earning rankings in Masonry is making people of lower ranking think they understand things they don't by lying to them]
Come test me, I never cower
For the love of money, son, I'm givin' lead showers
Stop screamin', you know the demon said it's best to die
And even if Jehovah witness, bet he'll never testify, D'Evils...

Lord forgive him
He got them dark forces in him [simple enough.]
But he also got a righteous cause for sinnin

I ain't tryin to be facetious
But "Vengeance is mine" said the Lord
You said it better than all

Like an evangelist
I can introduce you to your maker
Bring you closer to nature
Ashes after they cremate you bastards
Hope you been readin your psalms and chapters
Payin your ties being good Catholics
I'm comin [people need to be prepared to meet their maker upon your arrival? hmm.]

Lucifer, dawn of de morning! I'm gonna, chase you out of Earth
[when Lucifer comes, the rest will leave or learn his way-which is just what I've come to think it may be according to the rest of the song lyrics as a whole. not just my basic understanding of the chorus which is a whole one line.]

And when i perish
The meek shall inherit the earth
Until that time it's on and poppin Church

The Black Albums second verse is like
Devil's Pie please save some dessert for us
[your food for though is Devil's Pie?]

Man i gotta get my soul right
'For i'm locked up for my whole life
Evertime it seems it's all right
Somebody want they soul to rise
(I'll chase you off of this Earth)
[this bugged me out cause I interpreted it as him saying everytime he tried to go back to God someone wanted to cross to the "other side" with him, to where he is]

The allure of breakin the law
Is always too much for me to ever ignore
I gotta thing for them big body Benzes, it dulls my senses
[as in, he's numb]

It's just life, I solemnly swear
To change my approach, stop shavin coke
Stay away from hoes, put down the toast
Cause I be doin the most.. oh no!
But every time I felt that was that, it called me right back
It called me right back, man it called me right back - oh no!
[again, he wants to do right but keeps being called to the "other side"]

All of y'all can get it like group page in your 2-way
I'm livin proof that crime do pay
Say hooray to the bad guy, and all the broads
Puttin cars in they name for the stars of the game

The game is a light bulb with eleventy-million volts
And I'm just a moth, addicted to the floss
And doors lift from the floor and the tops come off
By any means necessary, whatever the cost
Even if it means lives is lost..

[he'll do what's wrong, no matter what. period.]

I'm in the blueberry 5, you blink three times
I may not even be alive
How mean James Dean couldn't escape the allure
Dyin young, leavin a good lookin corpse
Of course
[like, he realizes the penalty may be death but it's a bittersweet cost to pay]


I just play the hand I'm dealt, I can't say I've never knelt
before God and asked for better cards at times to no avail
But I never sat back feelin sorry for myself
If you don't give me heaven I'll raise hell
'Til it's heaven

[THIS BUGGED ME THE FUCK OUT b/c it's one of my favorite verses of all time, but when I got to thinking too hard I thought he could mean that he'd raise hell, not as in "kick up dust" but literally bring hell to the level of heaven... like, if it doesn't work out via God, he'll work with the devil until the devil takes God's place. I only think this cause he says "til it's heaven" at the end, which isn't said in the verse as part of the rap-just separately and he could have gone without it, idk.]

I am the Michael Schumacher of the Roc roster
Travellin Mach 5, barrelin, my power can stop God
[can stop God? What?!]
God forgive me but I can't let them deliver me to you
Until, I won this race, then eventually
My engine gon' burn out, I get whatever is meant for me
However it turns out fine - red line!
[basically, it's whatever]

Thank God for granting me this moment of clarity
This moment of honesty
The world'll feel my truths
Through my Hard Knock Life time
My Gift and The Curse
I gave you volume after volume of my work
So you can feel my truths
I built the Dynasty by being one of the realest niggas out
Way beyond a Reasonable Doubt
(You all can't fill my shoes)
From my Blueprint beginnings
To that Black Album ending
Listen close you hear what I'm about

[this also had me trippin', cause initially I just thought he was listing his albums but if you think about it, it seems like he's saying if you listen closely to his music you'll see how "black" it really is, esp. because he says "MY gift and the curse", not THE gift and the curse-which makes it seem as if he knows the curse that now comes along with his gift of writing]

flow is black magic, I'm at it again
Rose Bowl with black karats, "Horse & Carriage" to spend
like Mason Betha, chasin this cheddar, to the end
of the road because the end I'm told is nearer than we know
What can I say but live for today

How so, how Jay get up out that, here, yeah
I snatched purses I per-se-vered, yeah
I had work, fiends purchased, it was clear
I was out there sellin hope for despair
[this reminded me of something I read about Masonry, but I can't remember what. Sowwy.]

(Talk to 'em B)
If I was your girlfriend
I'll be there for you, if somebody hurts you
Even if that sombody's me
Yeah-hee (break it down for 'em)
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be
And so I put this on my life
Nobody or nothing will ever come between us
And I promise I'll give my life
my love and my trust if you was my boyfriend
Put this on my life
The air that I breathe in, all that I believe in
I promise I'll give my life
my love and my trust if you was my boyfriend
[to flip it, Beyonce saying this part made me think that it sounded like she was pledging her allegiance to him by agreeing to adopt Masonry or devil-worshiping as well.. like, "all that I believe in"-when it's common knowledge she grew up in the church-so it's like she's saying I'll give up God to be your girl. Crazy.]

They gunning for me
Wanna see me fall
You know my story
I been through it all
Nights I felt like dying
But I ain't crying
What didn't kill me
Made me strong as iron
I am
I am
Oh my God, HOV
[so in audio, it just sounds like OMG, Hov. but written, it opens my eyes to a different interpretation cause now it seems like he's saying I am God (Hov)]

Now I'm knee-deep in the concrete
Like the streets made of quicksand beyond deep
I got a chemical romance, two left feet
So now I dance with the devil, please GOD
Save me from the black parade, release me

[him saying that he's being pulled to the other side, and wants God to save him]

I'm feeling like the world's against me Lord
Call me crazy but strangely I love the odds

[in opposition, he's ok with being where he is]

And I'm so evolved I'm so involved
I'm showing growth, I'm so in charge
I'm C.E.O. and yeah going god
I'm so indebted, I should have been deaded
Selling blow in the park, this I know in my heart
Now I'm so enlightened I might glow in the dark

[something about this just sounds/reads funny to me. I can't explain it.]

I don't know what life will be in H.I.P. H.O.P.
Without the boy H.O.V. (I will be, I will be)
Not only N.Y.C. I'm hip hop's savior (Yeah)
So after this flow you might owe me a favor (Yeah)
When kingdom come, you ready? (I will be)
[when God comes, will you be ready? he will be. he's savior. ughhhh]

I'm still hear mon frerre
you know the cost i bear
they like thats why they call you Hov, I'm like yeah

[no bull, this is a tough line. but again, it's another God comparison]

Some said HOV, how you get so fly
I said from not being afraid to fall out the sky

[as in not being afraid to fall from/lose God's grace]

I know i shouldnt've did that
I know its gon' come right back
I know its gon' destroy everything i made
Its probably gon' get ya boy sent away
But this game I play, ain't no way to fix it
Its inevitable that i'm-
[somewhat self explanatory, like he knows he shouldn't have gone to "the dark side", but the decision was inevitable and he knows what the price is]

Said where i would stop before i even started
When i get to one brick, then The Game i will depart with
Got to one brick then i looked to the sky, said
Sorry God, i lied, but give me one more try

[he tried to do right, but couldn't]

Fight, and you'll never survive
Run, and you'll never escape
So just fall from grace

[exactly. just go on over to the dark side.]

[Mr. Hudson]
Let’s dance in style,
Let’s dance for a while,
Heaven can wait we’re only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst,
Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?
Let us die young or let us live forever,
[this goes back to his verse about James Dean in Lucifer]

Forever young,
I wanna be forever young
Do you really want to live forever?

...forever young is in your mind
Leave a mark that can’t erase neither space nor time
So when the director yells cut,
I’ll be fine,
I’m forever young…
[kind of like when life's over he will be elsewhere so it's irrelevant]

Fear not when, fear not why,
Fear not much while were alive,
Life is for living not living up tight,
See ya somewhere up in the sky,
Fear not die, I'll be alive for a million years, bye bye,
So not for legends, I'm forever young
My name shall survive

[immortal, maybe?]

Hail Mary to the city, you're a virgin
And Jesus can't save you, life starts when the church end

[since when can't Jesus save you? like, it seems like this was one of those lines saying the real world is beyond God's reach.]

Then B.I. said, "Hov' remind yourself
nobody built like you, you've designed yourself"
I agree I said, my one of a kind self
Get stoned every day like Jesus did
What he said, I said, has been said before
"Just keep doing your thing," he said, say no more
[again, a God comparison and then him opting to continue doing whatever he's doing-and I don't think it's something with a positive connotation]

Alright, I'm tapped out. Again, I was just reading into things heavier than I normally do, and these were my thoughts. I haven't decided how I really feel about it. Maybe I'm being foolish or naive or selective because I love this man's lyrics so frickin' much.

Only God knows. How ironic.

Maybe It's Not Ironic At All,

Thought for the Day 11/22

Hell if I Know,

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Thought for the Day 11/21

Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood.
(Daniel H. Burnham)


Friday, November 20, 2009

Bloggie Boo Needed a Makeover

Do not be alarmed if you come to this blog and don't notice it. We'll be doing some low key re-vamping in these parts. Maybe it's a way to procrastinate on the article I need to write. Maybe it's genuine. Either way, it will be done... and right now, I'm feeling like less is more. Let me know if I'm wrong. Rephrasing that, I can't be wrong about how I choose to change my blog. However, you CAN choose to disagree. And I'm all up for discussion.

Will be posting the Jay-Z lyrics sometime tomorrow. Today, just aint the day. Stay tuned.

Evil Laughter in Tow (Mwuahaha),

(Upgraded) Thought for the Night 11/20

Remember when I said it'd be cool if I could make pictures of my thoughts for the day? Well, there's a website providing some assistance in that endeavor. Yay! Here you have it:The author isn't supplied, but so what? Just know that it isn't me. Oh yeah, this one has already been a thought for the day or at the least it's been mentioned on my blog... still, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to post it while it was prettier looking :)

Until Next Time...

& The Point of it All

[Sidebar post that I don't feel like going in depth about to the extent that I could]

I'm sure you've heard the rumors and read the articles saying that Jay-Z is a Mason, worships the devil, is involved with Illuminati, etc. We all have, and I've done a decent job at looking past them because as most of you may know... he is my favorite rapper. THE BEST RAPPER ALIVE.

But that's neither here nor there, and I didn't write this with the intention of hyping his name. Quite the contract ,actually. As of late, I've been experiencing a heavy sense of internal conflict since helping my former roommate with a presentation she was doing for her church. She was basically making the same claim I mentioned above, and I knew a few songs people had pointed to to prove their point regarding Jay-Z's beliefs- so I typed up those lyrics for her, specifically.

After thinking about it though and being a bit intrigued or curious, I began to look into his lyrics a little more in depth. I started from Reasonable Doubt and made my way all the way to BP3. The amount of lyrics I found that hint towards some "other stuff" was just amazing, not to mention disappointing. Ya'll know I'm a Christian, right? And IDK if I'm just looking into too hard, because you can always find dirt when you dig for it, ya know?

Furthermore, I like to believe that the affect music has on people is determined strictly by the listener, but one of the boy's I need to mention in a later post was saying that whether or not you acknowledge it's direct affect no you, it's still worked its way into your subconscious. I haven't decided how I feel about that.

I mean, true-I get hype off Jay-Z songs and lyrics. I've even realized that some of my favorite quotes are the exact quotes that point towards some "other stuff" (as I'm calling it). But when I'm reciting the lyric, that's not what I'm hearing initially or interpreting it as. Therefore, is that really what it is? Because art is open to interpretation, and again-I may just be digging for dirt with a little too much vigor.

What are your thoughts? If you want me to post some of the lyrics I found, leave a comment. I have way too many, so it wouldn't be a problem.

That's All :(

Alright, it's 4 in the morning... and though I'm on a blog posting roll-I must retire. I'm hungry and my download of I Can Do Bad All by Myself is complete. We'll have to talk about these "boys" on a later date. For now and to remind myself of what it is that I wanted to discuss, we'll call them Mr. Flatter Yourself and Mr. Intelligent. O man, I can't wait.

It's Like Sunshine on a Rainy Day

Have ya'll heard Wale's new album, Attention Deficit?

If not, you should take a listen. Beautiful Bliss is my favorite track on it... has me wanting to skip through campus while I listen to it on repeat. I can't quite say that I can listen to the whole album without skipping, but it's worth uploading. I know it's blasphemy to say that anyone but the rapper who released the album had the best verse, but such is life- J. Cole's verse was a killer. Hell, it's the reason I love the song Beautiful Bliss so much. And no, there's no bias because J. Cole is a rapper from N. Carolina. Good lyrics are good lyrics, regardless.

[I literally JUST realized how much I've missed blogging. I hadn't felt like writing all this, yet I had semi-writer's block when it came to poetry... I forgot that this was still my way of releasing, because now I'm feeling lighter and I can't stop typing... as if there's actually that much to tell]

Back to the scheduled program, I'm gonna leave ya'll with J. Cole's verse from that track if I haven't already convinced you to cop the album:

I phone home to the real, they wanna know just how it feel
who woulda thought a lil nigga from the Ville could get a deal
and tell dem niggas at the top we want yo spot, we all fo' real
and yeah we heard you got it locked but like dem socks- we on your heels
so you best be on your toes nigga
especially on your flows nigga
cause man they keep on checking for me, especially all your hoes nigga
catch me on your doorstep, you see me let me in
all I wanna do is eat, im like them freaky lesbians
now all I wanna do is ball on tv, me- E S P N
they heard I'm bout to blow so all my enemies say, "Let's be friends"
and all these rappers know just know where
I'm bout to go, so catch me then
where all the girls that we knew that screamed, "Fuck you"
goin' let me then
I'm definitely in a class of my own
at dinner with Hov, hoping that he pass the baton
he just pass the patron
aint nothing given dog, it's earned- if you just livin' dog, you learn
I let you niggas see the light,
I'm like the prison yard I yearn
For that living large but mama I aint done yet
Sit back and watch your son rise
Kick back and know yo son set
Forever I aint run yet and never will
Nas told me life's a bitch
Pac said fuck the world and I aint come yet
You up yet?
My punchlines like gut checks,
I'm raw dog
I'm rough sex, I'm on deck, I'm up next
I'm God bless, I'm success so fuck stress
You can get the fuck from around me
And if you listening know you wondering
Where the fuck they found me
Im from the ville boy

Believe me when I say I tried to make this the song playing on my blog, no luck finding it. But if you're free, and can find it for me... work that out. If nothing else, go download it HERE.

Dig this: I had actually typed this in my last post after putting "P.s." then realized it was a completely different post/topic in and of itself, and I still haven't gotten to the other post I intend to. In short, you'll be hearing about boys. Pray for em.

It's a Beautiful Bliss,

I'm Here

So, this is just something to think about that I almost attached to the last post, but I realized that thing was getting riDONKulously long and had no fluidity... so, I had to let that hoe go :)

Really though (didn't mean to rhyme), I can't remember if I heard of this through a conversation or reading, but either way-someone was speaking with a man and when they asked him how he was doing, his reply was "I'm here." Initially, that seemed like a short reply to them, but he elaborated (upon their request) by saying that God chose to take x amount of people from the world last night, but He opted to keep him.

As a result, he was "here". So, though things may or may not be great, and he may or may not be sure of his purpose, he can be sure that he has one because he's still on Earth living it out... at God's will.

With all that being said, I've been making that my new response to people when they ask how I'm doing. Some people take it as me being depressed (LOL), but if they knew like we knew... they'd know better :)

I'm not saying you should adopt this as your answer, just thought it was a nice gem to drop on ya'll.

I'm Here,

Even Denzel's Down, You Deserve an Update

It's old, but that's not the point.

How Could You Deny That?

Oh yeah- I know I haven't been writing much, but can I be completely honest and say that I just haven't felt like it? See what happens when I neglect ya'll? I get more followers. I'm sure I have readers, but followers makes it official LOL

Here's a short update: I want to drop out of college for a week... just something brief so I can take a few breaths without panicking in my head about the next days work, ya know? On the up and up, I got a 95 on my exam in Macroeconomics- GO NUTS! (This is the exam that I stayed up all night studying for the week before just to get an email from my teacher at 7am saying I didn't have to take it that day-weirdest feeling in the world, because I didn't feel prepared so I was like Thank God, but I had worked so hard to stay up so in the same breath, I was like FML lol).

On the "down and down", I still haven't completed the paper that was due today at 5:30PM for my Journalism Research class, hell-I haven't even started it.

More so, I am a contestant in the Miss Ebony pageant on campus. I've also been wanting to write something all night, not related to the pageant at all-just in general, but that hasn't been working out. As far as the love life goes: what love life?

Yeah, it's like that. Basically, the person who I wrote "House for Sale" about has been popping up lately, for lack of better words. I could do without that. I've realized that some feelings are trying to sit on my chest as resentment, and they're more active and noticeable as of late. Blah. Such is life.

An old flame also text me on "mistake" after about a year and a half of no communication. I don't have their number anymore and didn't think they had mine, so I don't think it was a mistake. When it comes to phones, I feel like this mistake would've happened more than once if it was as common an error as he described. Whatever the case, he was polite and wished me well- which is a stretch since a long time went by when he wouldn't acknowledge me at all. That was peace

...brought some type of random closure I didn't know I still wanted. If you were around on the blog when he was, you'd understand that things ended in a manner that caused me to have to work out certain things within myself and affirm the fact that I didn't mean any harm in the way in which I addressed his decisions in life. Never good in my case. I like to see myself as a positive person, to second guess that-hot mess. I mean, I worked it out, but since he had never really acknowledged my apology... it was never really settled in my soul... which I didn't know until his "mistake" left room for kind, cordial words (again, more than I've gotten for sometime now). Woosah on that.

Ugh, what else? My hair is twisted. Me and my boo-thang, Andisha (aka: Ms. Do The Most [and if you knew her you would understand why the title is o'so fitting], I need to upload pics of her) stayed up extra late doing it a few nights ago. No, the days when I could twist my hair by myself in less than 2 hours are no longer here. I wish. Nonetheless, D is down for the cause, and we knocked that thing out. We've also been going out a lot lately, trying to claim new spots in Philly as our own. We frequent the Walnut Room, Vango, and O.N.E. as if it's home, but it's time to take it elsewhere... so it looks like we're leaving Center City for Olde City. Upgrade you? Indeed.

I mean, here's a pic I took with my webcam of my current "do", but it doesn't really show the twists all that well. Better yet, here's 2 pictures. You can figure it out by putting em' together-I have faith in you. I'm not really wearing them down anyway. I have a new found appreciation for having hair out my face since havin' a fro. God bless any type of up-do or pull-back. I've gone so far as to develop a pulled back do when my hair is actually out, not twisted. All the boppers' in the club seem to love it LOL Anywho, here are the twist:

I went to an art expo last week, and the pics were amazing. Wanna see? :leaves blog and goes hunting on to find all the pics she was sending her dad/friends while she was there:

I found this sculpture most impressive. Yes, sculpture. Doesn't it look like this thing is just going to get up and walk towards you? I couldn't just have this posted up in my living room. My nerves are too bad. Not to mention, I don't have the proper amount of cash necessary to buy it in the first place, but I'm sayin'. Not to mention, it's a pregnant sculpture and as of late, pregnancy has been all around me.. friends, friends of friends, news clippings, etc. Pray for me.

This sculpture was ridiculously ill as well. Not to mention, the bottom part (what appears to be a skirt) is also crafted out of the same material used for the sculpture. It's a not a piece of fabric draped over, which is what it looks like. Don't ask me what the sculptures are actually made of, IDK. And the artist wasn't at the booth when I was... which may be a good thing, cause I may not have been able to take these pictures if they were.
No caption needed. You can figure this one out.
I just thought this was a great depiction of the so-called "progress" that America has made by having Obama in the White House... putting the children reading about his election in black face, classic idea. Why can't I paint?

Back to the lighter stuff: I cut my leg today while shaving in the shower. It's literally the first time I've ever cut myself shaving, and I've been shaving for sometime now-it's a tad late to just start cutting... but I dead ass cut straight to the white meat. It happened so quickly I didn't even know I cut myself, I thought there was something white on my leg til' I tried to wipe it off and felt a stinging sensation then noticed my brown piece of skin in my hand. AHHHH! I just had to share that.

[ok, so maybe this isn't a small update, but hey-you needed to know all of this and it's been a minute since we kicked it]

I'm also working out at least 3x's a week, and that's a kicker there, but I feel good about it. Sore. All over. But good, nonetheless. And that's peace.

Ha, I'm going to end this post here because I realized there's something I want to discuss that can be a post in and of itself without being associated to this tangent.

Ugh, yeah. IDK how to end this, I did my "official closer" ages ago so there's no point in repeating it. Bye now :)

Wait, one last thing: I added another blog to my blog roll. One of the residents where I work/live is a student studying abroad from the UK (if I'm not mistaken). She's one of the most pleasant yet sarcastic things I encounter from behind the desk while working, and generally throughout campus. I actually ran into her last week at the Art Expo, and she had a handy dandy professional camera... so, maybe if she puts those pics up in a timely manner-you will be able to see them as well. Either way, peep her site out HERE. It's cool to read about someone talking about the "American way". I forget we aren't the only ones "here" at times. Hopefully this future Semester at Sea will make me a lot more aware.

Ok, bye for real this time.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I Am Only A Fickle Fool For You

Get Free,

Monday, November 9, 2009

This Makes Me :)


Friday, November 6, 2009


This might be funnier than the bunny picture. Really. Keep in mind that I'm easily entertained.

You Just Have to Laugh,

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I Mean, if You Have Some Free Time...

So, I FINALLY figured out how to get all my quotes out the Memo's portion of my phone. If you didn't know from one of the previous post, they were being held hostage by my broke/boot leg phone. Nonetheless, I have succeeded in breaking them free. So, there are quotes galore to read from the different performances I've viewed in the past... I don't know how long. Read em' and wheat (I think that's the quote):

Life aint that hard-peekin' in the mirror seeing images of God as a broad. (Selina)

(Prior to this quote she mentions how going through the things she does would make most people want to slit their wrist, but I can't remember/didn't get the exact wording) I aint into cuttin' unless its cuttin' out my daily dose of negative consumptions. (Selina)

"...full blooded non-bitchass queeness." (Selina)

Though there are many pieces to me my parts are not sold separately. My bodily functions only work in solidarity, so don't try to ignore the parts you don't see as the best of me.... Make sure to say hail Mary when you're done staring. Don't you dare think you're worthy. (Hannah)

We laugh about things that most cats wouldn't consider laugh worthy. (Hannah)

I'd rather see you walk with your crooked spine then break you down til' you're backless. (Ms. Wise)

Who are we to bind someone into holding? (?)

No more rapping. No more gassin'. Just a complete sense of self, you and a situation that happened. (Selina)

We make love til the point where she has scratches on her back that take the form of wings, she's an angel. (Hannah and Jamillah)

People forget a forgotten people who only wish to send their offspring into more summers. (Noel)

There's no doubt that we're different, but the similarities are infinite. (Selina)

You didn't even understand that our wars were different, you just knew that our color was. (Jamillah)

You can't gentrify thoughts. You can't force movement elsewhere. It stays exactly where it's supposed to like the sun... bombs don't mean Baghdad. Bombs don't mean oversea. You just oversee them. (Hannah)

Some say the darker the berry the sweeter the juice, but why does this nectar taste so sour?... Plums are always sweeter than apricots. (Noel)

"... grapejuice that stained the white blouse of my existence." (Dom'O)

Monster's don't always hide under your bed. Sometimes, they like it on top... we deserve more spotlight than the shadows they place us into.. I am now a talking landmine, so do not test me. (Shelell)

We live where we can find inspiration... my dad was a rolling stone so I kick rocks to forget about home. (Jeaninne and Jadon)

The only heir looms I received was a rock and a hard place. (Shellel)

You cannot play God with me with your knees all dirty... What you need my revolutionary is to upgrade your recruitment tactics (?)

There's a war going on so there's blood to be shed but if I'm fighting my brother then what's good if he's dead.. I give respect to my haters, even they got each other. (?)

You don't have a heart. You have a corrupted cardiac muscle that sits inside your chest cavity (Genelli)

I've got some sand paper and this will hurt.. Keep ya rib. Give her dust or dirt cause women are creatures that know how to make due.. Cherish your knees. They are all I will leave you with, and while you're down there I think you should repent more often. (Kiara)

It's hard for some kids to breathe cause outside they inhale second hand failure and exhale innocence. (Dom'O)

My pen is in my pocket right now. If you ask me to borrow it you can, because I am an organ donor. (Chris)

We got 100 devices to keep in touch but keep me from touchin' other human beings... We are programmed to wait til' dusk than appreciate sunshine. (Proverb)

We weren't in love, just in season... No trespassing, cause you are past trusting. (Alysia)

I haven't been here that long, but I think I might love you... You've got a way of finding the gold in things, the silver lining in my nicotine tongue... I offer my skin as a pinky promise. (Alexis)

It's Like That Ya'll,

Published Work and then Some

So, I have my 2nd article with Campus Philly published. Go, read it. Plz? LOL

Secondly, in the words/voice of Nick Cannon, "just thought I'd add a lil' something on the end."

Quote for the Day:
"It's difficult to walk down your street when there aren't any street lights, stars frowning back at the moon... planets never speak back to 3rd world countries."
(Carvens Lissaint)

Thas' All Folks,

Monday, November 2, 2009

Excerpt for the Day 11/2

"...I really hope no white person ever has cause to write about me
Because they never understand
Black love is black wealth and they'll
Probably talk about my hard childhood
And never understand that
All the while I was quote happy"

An excerpt from Nikki-Rosa by Nikki Giovanni