Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Why Does My Cousin Know This Song?

So... we turn to VH1 Classic for "Totally 80's", and she sings along to the song only to end with, "Jessie's actually his friend. That's so wrong." Classic yo, she's hilarious.

Gotta Love It,

Geesh, Luis!

My computer sucks.
I just wanted to make that clear.
I definitely wrote an entire post and my virus-infected computer didn't save it or post it. It just sucked. That's all.

Long-story short: God's still playing jokes on me, and I'm definitely not getting the last laugh. I've been absent for more than a little bit, but my family was here from out of town and one of my besties/baby mamas is moving back to New York today. Needless to say, time with the ladies was a definite must. Lastly, I finished the poem I was writing a few days back, but I'm hesitant about posting it. Oh yeah, it feels like I've been reading this book forever-ugh.. because I have.

That's All,

*this song felt so right (Lupe Fiasco's-And He Gets the Girl was up first but I had a change of ♥)

Friday, July 25, 2008

God's a Prankster

(Sidenote: I realize a song isn't playing, and I would actually like to do something about that. So, if anyone could find the audio url to Lily Allen's 'Who'd of Known' and pass it to me, I would greatly appreciate it. That song is singing lullabies to me right now, and I refuse to post anything other then that.)
On a lighter note... I took myself on a date tonight (I haven't been asleep since Thursday morning, so that's what day it is regardless if the post may say Friday because it's 4 in the morning-and I know it does). I was at Wine-Up watching their performance poetry and inspired as usual. Want some lines? Of course I'll share them with you:

-I'm looking for the right woman, when I'm not the right man.
-I know that I'm ugly, but I'm a got damn master piece of (some word I couldn't remember) and puncture wounds on paper.
-Stop posting up without your passion. Be got damn brave.
-I got a secret for you normal poets: some of us are not.
-I am no china doll. I will not shatter, and I have no time for polite conversation unless we're actually discussing shit that matters.
-You may not be the first who done it, but you'll be the best who did it.

Now all of those are well and good, but that wasn't the climax of my night. What was the climax you ask? I ran into an old acquaintance from school. Our paths used to always cross each other, we had a lot of things (that are beyond the surface) in common, and I always felt some awkward tie to her despite our (surface level) differences. I couldn't do anything but be excited when I saw her, and we sat down and had the usual 'bring me up to date' conversation.

The only thing about it was that our conversation wasn't usual. Corny as it may sound, it was blessed. I can't explain how much happiness I felt from seeing her, speaking with her, and seeing how content she was. It felt like God had ordained this moment. Well, I'm sure that He had, but it was weird how apparent it was. The funny thing was we were both talking about all the jokes God has played on us only to realize that He must really be laughing now that He's got us in the same area. I don't know... this may all seem random, but it felt good... and I'm finally laughing with Him.

Hope Your Day Goes Just as Well,

p.s. If I don't get the link for Lily Allen in... ugh.. let's say 3 days- I'm putting up 3a.m. by Matchbox 20 instead. K? It just jumped out at me for some reason, and I've always liked the song.

I Am Not Sorry

First and foremost:
Respect is just a minimum.

I've said that to say that in any and all situations, don't allow someone to label you something that you wouldn't naturally, and in a positive light, label yourself. Do I need to testify? I do. Long story short- today an adult that I interact with on a daily basis told me that I was "sorry". Now, I don't even believe they meant it as much as their tone displayed, but they were bothered with other things and took it out on me.

This is normally someone I wouldn't "talk back to", but I've seen them break other people's spirits by calling them names while their real anger should have been directed elsewhere, and I wasn't willing to tolerate it. My response was simple, "I'm not sorry." Their response was, "You're sorry in more ways than one." I took that as my cue to walk away-for various reasons.

1) I'm learning to choose my battles, and that was an argument I could go without.
2) My point was made in stating that I wasn't a sorry person. Everything else would just have been restating that fact in different words.
3) In order to continue coversing with them, I would have to feed into their energy, and I didn't want to stoop to that level of negativity.

The reason I'm telling you this is because some people will allow others to tell them things about themselves that they know are not true. However, a person will tell you these things so many times that you begin to believe them. When you know yourself and your thoughts to be genuine and true, don't give someone else the power of changing your perception. What you should do is negate their statement the first time it's made. That way, you've made your point and also made it clear from the beginning that their verbally abusive behavior won't be tolerated... at least that's what I would do :)

One Point for the Home Team,

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Big Ups

... to Rick Ross for having the main girl in his video NOT be your typical light skinned, long-haired female.

She's Gorgeous
& The Song Goes In,

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Thought You'd Have to go A Day Without Me?

Fear not.
I am here.

I'm only writing to let you know that I'm working on a new poem. It's a letter to my mother, and it's unlike anything I've ever written. Funny thing is, I've said that about my last 3 poems. I guess that because they've all shown different types of growth... in my opinion anyways. Anywho, consider yourself updated.

Writing my Heart Out,

Monday, July 21, 2008

You Need This in Your Life

Here's a simplification of everything we're going though:
You plus me is bad news.
But you're a lovely creation and I like to think that I am too,
But my friend said I look better without you.
-Sara Bareilles

My application to Heaven is virtually blank,
because the benefits far outweigh my qualifications,
and you dont know how much it hurts to be rejected.
Well, I know you do because they rejected Jesus too.
-Ashley Alston (my sunshine)

That last one hits home. And what are 2 random quotes that I thought you'd enjoy without 2 random picture to share it with?

All of the Above Made Me Smile-
Hope it Did the Same for You,


Sunday, July 20, 2008

For Colored Girls Who Considered Suicide

... When the Rainbow is Enuf:
Let me put a disclaimer out there by stating that no matter how well I do at attempting to summarize this play, you will not understand the full capacity of it's greatness unless you actually see the play or read the book.

Without further adieu: (drum roll, please)
For Colored Girls Who Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf

I don't even know where to begin. Ughh... following up beside 'Change of Events', I ended up taking myself out on a date the night following the night I was actually supposed to. A friend from church ended up being there. I felt like God was telling me that I'm never alone (technically), because He's always with me. Anywho, this play was wonderful- to say the absolute least.

I would say that the title is somewhat self-explanatory, but at the same time, I do realize that the title can just seem wordy and confusing. The play was a poetic interpretation of the actual book, and it just demonstrated various situations where colored women have been through things leading to the contemplation of suicide. Examples? Skits about rape, abortion, changing locations, bad relationships, etc.

As usual, I wrote down quotes from the play that spoke to me. Some may lose their effect because they're taken out of the proper setting, but trust me when I say- they hit home. There were too many moments when a bunch of people amongst the crowd said "mmph". You know how that goes. The most moving skit (for me) was one where a woman was with a man for 8 years, he was abusive, she left him, and he ended up throwing their 2 children out the 2nd story window. The quotes?

-I couldn't stand being colored and sorry at the same time. It's so redundant.
-Here's what I have... my poems, big thighs, and little tits. (Amen!)
-You hurt me more than I can dance myself out of, and into an oblivion isn't far enough to get out of this.
-Being alive, being woman, and being colored is a metaphysical dilemma I haven't conquered yet.
-My love is too delicate to have it thrown back in my face.
-You can't have me unless I give myself away. Stealing my shit from me don't make it yours. It makes it stolen... a love I made too much time for, it almost ran off with my stuff, and I didn't think I'd give it away so quick... and the one running with it don't know he got it.
-Didn't nobody stop using my tears to wash cars because of "sorry"... I won't be sorry for none of it, because I loved you on purpose... I'm not even sorry about you being sorry. Carry all of them around that you'd like, cause I can't use em'... instead of being sorry all the time, enjoy being yourself.
-This is for colored girls who considered suicide but moved to the end of their own rainbows.

And last but not least:

I found God in myself
And I loved her fiercely,

p.s. For those interested in reading the book, this is what the cover looks like:

Change of Events

Random thought, I feel like I've been reading I Say a Prayer for Me way too long. I was doing community service from 10a.m. to 6p.m. every day last week, but that's not the point- and don't ask why. Maybe that's just how God has worked things out though, because every night that I've read a chapter, it was applicable to whatever I was experiencing or had on my mind. That can't be coincidence.

Anywho, remember how I was supposed to take myself on a date to Wine Up the last time I checked in? Well, that plan got switched, and I ended up going to visit my God son Christiane (who ya'll first heard about during my spring break). It all just happened on random, because I had gas for once in my life when my baby mama (Christiane's mom) called. So... I trekked over to her side of town to sneak a peek at her new place and see my most handsome God son (not to mention, only God son).

How'd that go? I loved it. I loved it. I loved it.
I believe that true friends are the ones you don't have to speak with every breathing moment, but when you do speak- you pick up where you left off as if you've never missed a beat. That's what I have with my best friends. Seeing my Godson and his mother just lit my night up. It was the perfect ending to a long, uneventful day.

Furthermore, I got together with all 4 of my best friends/baby mamas for the second time [ever] two nights ago... I don't know if I said that in an understandable manner, but what I'm saying is that all 5 of us never have schedules that coordinate in a way where we can ALL spend time together. When you factor in work, finding a baby sitter, and actually having cash- the group tends to pan out at about 3 of us, 4 on a good day. So, I was happy to spend time with all my ladies and 2 of my 3 God children. That's the best [free] entertainment I'll ever receive.

Did I mention that two of them both moved into new places? They are doing so well for themselves and make me so proud. See?

Friendship isn't a big thing.
It's a million little things,


p.s. When the pictures with all 5 of us in them are finally uploaded by whoever has them in their camera (my camera is still in VA, tear tear)- you'll see them.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Let's Have a Quickie

Just felt like writing.. have a few poems running around in my head that haven't turned into something concrete yet. I found out today that some abortion clinics give student discounts. Why am I bothered by that? If you get the chance, watch the movie Talk to Me about the radio personality Petey Green (a true story). It takes place during the time MLK was assassinated. Can you imagine? Oh yeah, I didn't get the internship.
No worries... God has something else planned for me. Anywho, I'm taking myself on a date to Wine-Up to get in some good poetry, so this is where my rant ends.


Imagine Me (My Newest Poem)

I wrote a poem on the 4th of July. For some reason (beyond me), I was saving it. However, I don't know what event I was saving it for. So, I opted to post it now. The preface to this poem? I was really mad at my brother, walking around the house thinking, "Lord, I'm not all I'm cracked up to be. I know love keeps no record of wrongs, and I love my brother BUT..." This was the result:

Mother Teresa once said,
"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.
I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."
And I want to ask Him, "God- who told You I was trustworthy?"
I know more than a few have bowed their heads and prayed to the skies on my behalf, but I'm wondering if words spoken in tongues lead to a miscommunication
They said I was a broken vessel, of the world, a walking contradiction...
Somehow You heard that I was special, learning the word, and bearing witness...
So I'm-blaming-Babylon

Cause these supposed blessings feel like burdens, and every time my faith is tested-
I come out feeling like a failure
Give me any book, a feasible amount of time, and I promise I'll pass with all aces,
But 18 years isn't long enough to get through all of the Bibles pages
See, college only requires a dedicated 8 semesters, and a commitment like Yours last for time
I know Your promise of unconditional love beats any diploma, but I haven't even decided if I'm worth all that
Not to mention, all my attempts at love left me listening to sad songs
But I guess that's my fault for relying on man
Mortals never disappoint me in being disappointing
So in retrospect, they've never let me down

Then again, they've never built me up like You,
Placed me on a pedal stool...
I guess that can only be done by the Most High
Still- standing at Your alter leads to trembling and tears
See You're perfect, and I'm a perfectionist
Whose only choice is to pale in comparison,
Because it's been predetermined that I will always fall short
And I know what's most important in falling is the getting back up,
But my tail bones starting to hurt
And I'm sick of hearing my name mentioned in the sermons at church
They don't say Brandi
They say Backslider
And knowing my place,
I have no choice but to respond at their calls for repentance
You're the only one capable of checking me without uttering a word,
Let alone a sentence

See my father gives a stern look,
But it'll never have me questioning my afterlife
And I bet at times he wishes he was You
But he'd rather be feared than respected,
And I fear no man but God
So again, I find myself disobeying Your commandments
And here I was thinking honoring thy mother and father was the easy part
Cause Mommy's with You, so Daddy's my only concern
You would leave me with the one that's most difficult

I know You know what You're doing
But I'm only human, and I want to understand
They say, "The race isn’t won by the swift, but by the one who endureth.”
Just tell me that I’ll make it to the end
Please don’t keep records of my sins
I promise to confess them
You may hear more than You like,
But Lord I’m trying to get it right,
And the devil’s proved himself to be tempting
I’m not quite ready for judgment day
So, You can keep on with the testing
The pastors’ preaching feels like teaching
And he can keep on with the lessons
Cause Lord I’m learning
You didn’t deem me trustworthy
You deemed me deserving
It’s a slow progress, but Lord I promise…

Earn my place in Your kingdom.

Working on Wing Worthy Accomplishments,

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

If You Were Wondering How My Day Was...

Wasup young?
Don't know why, but I've always wanted to say that. So, I'm just going to give you a semi-play by play of my day (and yesterday) since I never made it on here.

Yesterday was my mothers' birthday. My birth mother. I just started writing a poem about her, more so in my head than on paper, but you'll see it as soon as it takes full form. For those who don't know, my birth mother passed away when I was 9. I found myself wondering what tidbits of advice my mother would pass onto me, how she would help me through situations, and things in that area.

So, I find myself in the library looking for Christian fiction novels and instead of finding the book I was looking for, I'm off in the direction the librarian told me my book would be. What do I find? I've come to think of it as what God wanted me to read. The book I found was one about motherly advice from a daughters' perspective. It contained various quotes and little anecdotes. Coincidence, much? I think not. Long story short, this made my heart smile.

::Fast forward::

I was scanning through my blog roll this morning and saw that Chris responded to yesterdays' post. I read it, left a comment on his blog (that you'll never read because he deleted it- *and for my readers who aren't aware of my personals on any level beyond what you read, just think of the situation in general regardless of the specifics), and headed off to the rec center. While driving, I asked God to reveal to me the extent/consequence of what I wrote yesterday and decide how to carry on.

It goes without saying that I'm emotional. The inner-conflict I was having with myself is that I intended my previous post for good but the message got lost somewhere in midst of my feelings and I think I may have hurt his feelings as a result. Not to mention, the quote , "I've been passing by people on the pavement passing out judgements as if they're auditioning for the role of God," was playing in my head over and over. I didn't want to be that person. What to do, what to do? So, I re-read my post to my best friend while at the rec, and I realized that my post was a bash... plain and simple. I proceeded to explain to her that I meant what I said but I didn't mean it the way it sounded. She just cut me off and said, "B, I understand. You know how you meant it. You responded the way you saw fit. Be content with that."

Easier said then done.

Fast forwarding to later in the afternoon: I'm sweeping and Mary's, Just Fine comes on. I've said it once, I'll say it again- "Couldn't imagine going through it without soul music." After hearing that song, I was so at peace with the entire situation. Why?

"Cause I like what I see when I'm looking at me
When I'm walking past the mirror
Don't stress through the night
At a time in my life,
Aint worried bout if you feel it
Got my head on straight,
Got my mind right...
I aint goin' let you kill it."

Seriously though. It just reminded me that I'm at a good point in my life, I know the type of person I am and that I would never intentionally hurt someone I care for, not to mention I made an attempt to rectify what I saw as a miscommunication of my intentions due to poor delivery. Because of that, there's nothing to waste time harping on. All is well. So, how'd I top the day off?

I went and got a tattoo with that good ol' sister of mine ya'll hear so much about, assuming you've been with me for a while. When you put our wrist together, it reads, "You and me shall never part." The symbol below it is the Aya. It represents endurance and the defiance of difficulties. My wrist is the one on the right. See?

(this is a newer, more clearer picture than the one that was originally posted)

May not be the greatest pic, but you get the point. So, that was my day in a nut shell. In the end, everything rounds out. Now, as far as my current vibe? Come over by Aaliyah was playing on the ride home from my sisters and singing lullabies to me... So, you can better your bottom dollar that's why it's posted below but, I still wasn't ready to take down Maze just yet.

Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?

Monday, July 14, 2008

Finding it Hard to Wish You Happiness

"No person is worth such a metaphor."

Jacob Winterstein (a wonderful poet hailing from Temple University- STAND UP!) said this in a poem regarding a friend who was in an unhealthy relationship. He used various metaphors to explain what was wrong with his friend's so-called better half and the way his friend was being treated, only to say that his friends' spouse... hell, any person in general, wasn't worth such description. My point?

YOU are the person unworthy of such a metaphor. I try (repeatedly, might I add) to pray for your growth and see the good in you... from a distance. However, there's always something or someone to remind me that you haven't changed a bit.

Staying in the same mind set you've had since a child is always appealing when it's presented to us like this in comics or Peter Pan's flying across the screen talking about "never growing up", but it's also not realistic. At some point in time, you have to realize that you will be held accountable for your actions. I guess the one who will hold you accountable, other than myself and as soon as you are at fault- not months later, has to come along as well. It is one thing to be cognizant of your flaws. It is another thing to go about changing them, but to have your world spinning upside down while you are making no attempt at gaining control of it completely baffles me.

For what? Everyone doesn't know how to be respectful. Not to mention, respect is earned. However, common courtesies should be just that... common. For example, when you don't have your life together- don't bring someone into it and have them lost in the turmoil with you. It's nice to have someone that's dedicated and willing to stand beside you during hard times, but this doesn't mean they should be brought into the relationship for the soul purpose of testing their commitment. Prove them right the first time. Anyone who finds you "relationship-worthy" clearly sees something in you that makes them consider monogamy. Why are you fighting against that so badly? What do you have to prove?

Furthermore, your constant struggle at being less than what you're capable of is harmful. Not only to you, but to those in your surroundings. I would think that hurting people gets old, but maybe I'm wrong. Is this really who you are? Is there no noticeable attempt at change for the better because you're so comfortable and complacent with this piece of a man you've become or have possibly always been? Sadly enough, I heard the quote "It's too hard for you to be a man and too easy for you to be less than", and thought of you.

The only thing constant in the world is change-
You really should get in on the action,

p.s. And maybe I'm no bigger or better because I couldn't even put your name out there or say this to you directly, but I cut the rope which tied us together not too long ago. You have yet to prove me wrong for making that decision, and this may all sound spiteful- but you know like I know that my words stem from nothing less than love. I want what's best for you. They deserve the best from you. You just have to want it too.

Book Review... Finally

I realize that most of July's post have included some partial explanation of my absence. In doing this, I've realized that each absence consisted of no more than 2 days. I don't think that's a ridiculously long time, and I'm allowed to have life. Therefore, I won't be apologizing unless my hiatus reaches about 4 days to a week. Fair enough?

Anywho, it's way past time to do a book review. Why? Because I've finished 4 books within the last week and a half, and you need to know if they're worth your time.

The most recent book I finished is titled 'Diary of a Mistress'. The cover of the book is posted to the right. I don't even know where to begin. For starters, you definitely shouldn't judge a book by its cover. I started reading this book thinking I was your typical "urban sex novel". Ya'll know what I mean: the books all the girls had in highschool, where most of the material consisted of various sex scenes and a predictable plot involving some hustler. Yeah... those.

Well, you've been hoodwinked. The plot for this novel is so rich it's ridiculous. I PROMISE you will not be disappointed. Another plus is that it isn't too long of a read. I actually started/finished it within the 4hr. ride (that was probably longer due to the stops) to my family reunion. You definitely want to grab this one. Onto the next...

Well, well, well... whatever you assumed by looking at this book is probably right. In all sincerity, this was one of the urban sex novels mentioned above. There's some type of plot intertwined into more than a few sex scenes, and it holds true to the fairytale ending all girls secretly hope for. I feel like I'm bashing this book when it was actually a decent read as well. I just would have liked something with a little more depth.. as a result of all the books I've been reading lately that are meant to be informative. This book may have had the same amount of pages as the one mentioned above, but the font is bigger- so, this is another quick read. Now what?

Damn this book for having me questioning the sexuality of all men! I actually thought this book was going to be a story of a gay man... one with the typical main charactor, antagonist, climax, etc. However, the book is actually more of an informative read. It lead me to a bit of a paranoia, but when it comes to your health- it's better to be cautious than curious. No pun intended. I recommend this book to any and everyone. I believe it could inspire men who are "in the closet" to step out on faith, cause women to be more assertive about their sex life in regards to their health, and have all people more concerned about the AIDS pandemic- as we all should be. Last but not least...

This was also a wonderful read... it was very detailed, had various plots (pertaining to each character), and also proved itself to be informative. I found it a bit ironic that I read The Kite Runner, The Color of Water, and this book back to back. I went from learning about the issues in Afghanistan to the Jewish community to the Mexican entertainment industry. Trust, the use of their native language in various sentences threw me for a loop. I can't tell Arabic from Spanish right about now. As I was saying, this story gave me hope to keep on pursuing my dreams and also reminded me to be kind to everyone- you never know who might turn into your new best friend or may help you on your way to the top.

Alright, that about does it. You've been updated on the last 4 books I've read, and you can look to the right to see what I'm reading now. I've just got to the Introduction, so I can't tell you much about it as of yet. Whatever the case, it's the summer time and I just gave you 4 books that spread into various genres... whatcha gonna do about it?

Read a Book. Please.

Friday, July 11, 2008

A Young Black Woman's Guide to Survival

My Godmom sent me this in an email. I found it worth sharing:

Friendship is not charity, it's a give-and-take relationship. Your friends should be people you love, admire, and respect. Don't be afraid to expand, or change your circle of friends. As you get older, you may head in a different direction than those you once considered your "best friends forever". As you evolve and mature, you may grow apart from friends who no longer fulfill you - it's ok! Hold this person in your heart, but be true to yourself when devoting time, energy and emotion to anyone you seriously consider a "friend".

Self-reinvention is a way to constantly reflect and assess your goals and priorities in your personal, academic and professional life. The concept of self-reinvention allows you to reconsider your lifestyle and, at any given moment, change a particular course of action. The beauty of this process is that you don't have to beat yourself up about behavior you consider undesirable. You should actually feel great that you have enough sense to realize the error of your ways (whatever they may be), and can spontaneously commit to change. Congratulations - you just solved a problem!

HIV/AIDS is the #1 killer of black women ages 19-27 in America . You are not corny or lame if you insist on an HIV test before having sex with someone. In fact, you're stupid to give up responsibility for your health and put your life in someone else's hands. Please DO NOT FALL FOR the age-old trick: "Look at me - what am I supposed to do now?!" All men masturbate. Politely tell your partner that he should focus on "self- love" until you're certain that he deserves to enter your temple.


People who love themselves and recognize their worth are unable to be jealous of others. Why? You should be so preoccupied with loving yourself and changing what you don't like, you have no time to worry about what others are doing. Being jealous of someone is a waste of energy. You cannot control other people and the choices they make, or the luck they have. Weak people let other's circumstances affect their self-love and/or self-worth. Resist the temptation to be envious, as it will get you nowhere. If anything, let other people motivate you to achieve certain goals for yourself.

Embrace that which makes you a woman, and by all means, take advantage of the privileges that we have. Force men around you to treat you with the respect they would their mother, aunt or sister. Insist that your doors be opened for you, order your food first in a restaurant, and sit in the front seat if you are the only female in the car. There is nothing wrong with being "pleasantly demanding". Along with the privilege of womanhood comes a certain responsibility. Being a true "lady" means you exhibit manners that would make your grandmother proud.

Your clothes are tasteful and appropriate for your age, and your hair and nails are always clean. These little things make a big difference in how you are viewed by outsiders, and the quality of men that you attract.

Staying in touch with what's going on in the world is very important.
Not only is it important to be aware of national and global issues, it makes you a lot more interesting to others because you always have something to talk about. It doesn't take much to watch the news, read the newspaper online, or buy an issue of TIME magazine or Newsweek.

Don't forget - parents and teachers are a great source of information on current events, and would love to have a conversation with you about something "serious".

Do you have a passport? If not, get one. Before you are saddled with the responsibilities of a job and a family, take advantage of your freedom and travel. Instead of buying a new outfit, buy a plane ticket. See other parts of the world and observe other cultures. More importantly, have fun! Plan a trip with a friend to a social event in another city, a beach on an island, or a city in a foreign country. Capture your memories with photos or in a diary (or a blog). You will cherish them forever.

Black culture and heritage is based on strength, perseverance, and rich talents. You should have an overwhelming sense of cultural pride - as black people, we are so very special. Don't EVER feel as if you aren't equal to another person simply because you're black. If you have any question as to the importance of black people to our society, or how smart, beautiful, talented, funny and fascinating we are, start reading.

Watch old movies. Read plays. Go see plays. Buy tickets for dance and musical performances. Seek opportunities to study academic topics involving, or related to, black people. Talk to your relatives that lived through some of the historical events you've heard about. Get on the Internet and study people with whom you're familiar. Keep in mind, black pride doesn't mean exclusion of others. It is most impressive when you seek to educate other cultures about the beauty and greatness of being black.

As long as you're here, it is your duty as a human being to help make the world a better place. Let your natural talents and passion lead you to an issue that keeps your attention, and to which you can commit your time and money. Get involved with groups that already exist. If your particular cause is new or unique, start your own group and make your friends join. Helping others is an easy way to feel good about yourself, and invest in the future of your community.

This is #1 and most important, yet challenging, mission to accomplish.

Self-love is critical to survival at any age, and may be quite a personal journey. Loving yourself means recognizing, developing and honoring a sense of self-worth. Loving yourself means you have zero tolerance for anyone or anything that doesn't love you and respect you.

Loving yourself also means you must treat yourself well, simply because no one else will do it for you.

Who But Me?

p.s. I thought this picture was powerful

I've Let You Down

As fate would have it, I get home to discover that a storm has knocked out our Internet. After making failed attempts at getting online all day, I arrive home (at 3:30am) to find that our Internets working. Important much? It is. I finished reading Playing with Boys, I've also read Men on the Down Low since my last detailed post, and am now reading Gettin' Serious. I think that's the title. It's very much an urban novel, and I haven't cracked one in a bit so I'm enjoying it. Furthermore, Wine Up was amazing tonight. Swan did a poem about her mother. Did I mention my birth mothers birthday is in 3 days? All topics mentioned require and deserve elaboration... but, I'm tired.

Where Have All my Readers Gone?

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Slacked for a Second

Again, I've been missing. The last time I checked in was on the 4th... the bloody 4th. Needless to say, I've had better Independence Day's. However, me no complain- all is well.

So, I'm in Philadelphia about to get dressed for this internship interview. Wish me luck or do me one better and pray for me. I'm uber excited and nervous beyond reason. Dom has tried to be encouraging, but I'm still a bit shaky. I just acknowledge the fact that there's always someone more qualified for any postition, but as I told Mr. Wilkins and keep reminding myself, "Sometimes to be the best at what you do, you have to create your own category." Don't remember where I heard that from, but that's what I plan on doing.

Actually, I think Mickey Factz told me that. Anywho, I'll be on the plane at 8:30 tonight heading back to North Carolina. Let's hope I'm flying back with a positive feeling. Oh, pics from Virgninia Beach? I left my camera at my grandma's house. She said she'll send it to me when I send her the suit she left in my room during my high school graduation. Sit tight though. I can't be without a camera for too long, so she'll be getting that suit asap- and you'll be getting your pictures in the same time frame. Have you REALLY listened to the new song/poem on my page? You might want to do that.

Hug Me When You're Feeling Lonely,

p.s. I still appreciate YOU
p.p.s. I finished reading Playing with Boys, I'll be changing the picture and giving a review of it once I touch down.

Friday, July 4, 2008

And Now It's Raining Just to Rub It In

p.s. Bozo the Clown died today. Much to my suprise, I was deeply disturbed by that. And to inquiring minds, no-the title and content of this post was not in relation to his death. I just decided to make note of it since it was the "perfect ending to the bad day I was just beginning."

O yeah, it's time for a new song. I had Bad Day by Fuel playing just to match the mood I was in, but after blogging about C.P. Maze on The Kon Era Blog and listening to this poem of his a few times, I just couldn't keep ya'll from hearing something so sacred. I swear before God that words are powerful. Just as soon as I heard this, my bad day dissipated.

He said:

"Your body makes moves that the wind would be proud of."
"You got my hungry for your soul and I don't know how long I can go without tasting you."
"I want to make the moon and sun come at your beckoning call."
"The light was a picture of your face and I got drunk off it everyday, and I'm throwing up visions of you."
"Plaster me against your thoughts and I promise you will see visions of heaven."
"Your beauty lies deeper than moles on your skin and toes that curl when I'm in."
"I can drop to my knees and pray to God every night, but I can hear Him talking when you hug me when you're feeling lonely."
"I am going insane baby, and you are my asylum."

WHAT! Amazing.

Today's the Day

... we killed enough Indians to claim the U.S. territory as our own :) Controversial much? I really just intended to say Happy Independence Day, but a poem that says something about "stabbing our stars and stripes into their land" was ringing in my head, so I just went with it. It's my blog. Sue me.


Praying the Cookout I Attend Today Is Serving Porkchops
(and that Elijah and Zamiyah come with me to see fireworks),


Thursday, July 3, 2008

Miss Me?

I clearly didn't get back with you guys last night. My apologies. I got home 2 and a half hours later then I was supposed to. My best friend since 3rd grade was leaving to go to the Carribean the next day so when I pulled up to my house, I got out the car and walked straight to her house.

Can I tell ya'll how happy I am to be home.. like home, home. Virginia Beach welcomes me like you wouldn't believe. My miniature sized bed felt like heaven. The non-matching living room (red couches, a blue rocking chair, a white rocking chair, navy blue carpeting, baby blue walls, and a wooden table) is just as ridiculously uncoordinated and equally comfortable as it's always been, and my big brother's still a nag. ::Exhales:: Some things never change.

Anywho, I'm leaving the beach at this moment and happy as ever. It's funny how you could care less about the water when you're raised by it, but when you get somewhere and it's not easily accessible- you wish you were near it. Isn't life cruel?

Alright, alright... the topic of discussion: The Color of Water. I'm really not doing the blog any justice by blogging about it this late. However, I can say that as soon as I finished reading it, I was inspired to start writing. The book can seem somewhat choppy, versus being a continuous story because the chapters alternate between the authors' perspective and his mothers' perspective. The mother basically explains her conversion from Judaism to Christianity, and the author basically explains the path to finding himself as he learned his mothers history.

The irony in this being the book I was reading was... the author had 12 siblings (which is comparable to my 8 siblings), he was learning of his history or another culture that was present in his family and having it contribute to his growth (much like I am learning more about the Muslim religion), and some of this took place in Philadelphia (as usual, I just can't shake Temple University and The City of Brotherly Love).

I had been saying that I wanted to write a book before I graduated. The completion of The Color of Water had me feeling like now was good a time as any to start writing. So, what's my book about? Well, I don't know just yet. As of now, I'm just deciding to let my hands be my guide and see what fills up the pages. Seriously. Furthermore, I couldn't figure out why, but I had the urge to email the author. After much internet dismay, I found an email address. Don't ask me why, but after taking all that time to find the address, I had opted not to email him because I didn't know what I intended to say exactly.

However, good ol' God stepped up to plate and reminded me whose boss by putting into play a phone conversation. Later that night, I spoke with a friend from the community service trip to New Orleans I had taken over spring break. We had one of the most intriguing conversations I have had in a long time, and he fully encouraged me to email the author. He event went on to tell me how he ended up speaking on the phone with a man he was researching for one of his summer classes. He found the number on a whim (on one of the websites of the man he was researching), called, left a message, the man called back within 5 minutes, and they were on the phone for over an hour discussing a broad range of topics.

Inspiring much? A few days after I finished reading The Color of Water, I received an email from my favorite journ. teacher at Temple. He emailed me about this internship being offered by PhillySTYLE Magazine. (Another) Long story turned short, I'll be attending an open house interview in Philadelphia on Tuesday. When I started to print out the writing samples I would take to the interview, I was surprised at the amount I had. Crazy right? Sometime during my preparation for the interview, it hit me that this is really my life. I really am attempting to do what I'm passionate about full-time. Write? Right.

Lastly, as you can see, I've began reading a new book. The title is Playing With Boys, but it's not as relevant as you may think. The main characters are 3 women at different walks of life who seem to unknowingly need each other in order to bring out the best in themselves. Don't ge tme wrong though, men- or should I say boys- are definitely prevalent roles in each one of their lives. I'm a bit tired, so I'm going to cut this short. I just had to get this post out cause I had been nagging myself about it for 2 days.


Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Holla Atcha When I Come Off Tour

I'm on the train headed to Virginia. I began writing a post yesterday while sitting in the DMV, but as usual- my handy dandy Palm Centro didn't save it to the drafts, and I never got up last night to rewrite it. In my defense, I was suffering from a major head injury... nowadays it's just called a migraine- but that doesn't do the pain justice.

Anywho, I plan on catching up with you all tonight from the good ol' Dell computer in my grandmas kitchen. (::clicks heels 3 times:: There's no place like home) So, sit tight. I haven't forgotten about you. I fully intend to give you more than a few paragraphs next post... long story short: The Color of Water was inspiring. I'm living out my dreams, and the Lord works in mysterious ways.

As the Misses Says- I'll be Back,

p.s. Shouties to her... my phone wouldn't let me post this, but I wasn't trying to have ya'll on a 2 day hiatus from my blog so she posted it for me. The Palm Centro does allow me to save documents on Microsoft Word and email them, so it's good for a lil' something.