Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Life Has A Funny Way of Sneaking Up On You

Something always brings me back here.
One way or another.
It's been a while.
But, here I am.

So, the theme song to this post is Ironic by Alanis Morisette.


I get a phone call from my grandmother saying that my brother got into an altercation with the soon to be mother of his child, left the house, and told my gram to tell me that he loves me. Upon this not so fun fact, I go back and forth between calling my grandma, my brother, and my dad.

Now, the details of their altercation have lost importance in lieu of the light bulb that just flashed in my head.

First off, upon dealing with this (if that's even what I did), I go looking for comfort. There are people I want to call, but I really just want an in-the-flesh hug. And right now, there's about one person I could call for that in Philadelphia and get a guaranteed response. Nonetheless, they don't stay all that close, and I just told them today that I don't want to be there crutch. Hence, I need not make them mine.

With that being said, I then go to another source.. not the source I would typically/ever go to... but because I am just in need of a hug and company, I figure they will have to do. I hit them up expecting them to not be awake, but they were up-just not close.

And that's probably best cause that probably wouldn't have been the type of comfort I was seeking. Either way, I tell myself to just go write. Duh. And here yall are... here I am. Talking to everyone, no one, and myself all at once.

And it's funny that my older brother is what brought me here, because I've been meaning to write about my experience (while back home) with my younger sisters for sometime now. Now, isn't that time, but I'm just saying.

As it relates to my brother though, he was in the wrong. My grandma, being the saint that she is, has no problem pointing this out, wants him to claim fault where it's due, and deal with the consequences like a man. [not-so-random book plug: A Lesson Before Dying by Ernest Gaines]

In a general sense, I can agree with these requests/thoughts. However, that's my brother we're talking about, and though he was at fault-I only want good things for him. Him turning himself in (which is what my grandma [and now I] thinks he should do) might result in not so good things, since he's already on probation with the chances of serving 5years in the event of anymore "trouble".

So no, I don't want him in jail. Yes, I realize he has never learned his lesson regarding the law, because he always walked off scotch free (with the exception of his not so clear record), but I just don't want that life for him. We actually got in an argument, and he hung up on me about 3 times. Such is life.

I love how my grandma can see the right no matter what though. I'm a Libra. We're all for balance. I should embody that. Guess I'm still wet behind the ears. It just kind of checked me though, because earlier today I was telling someone that I felt like I was in a good place for the most part.

I didn't have any obligations that I didn't opt to be a part of. I wasn't lying to anyone or caught up lying to myself. I'm somewhat happy with my academic career and where it's going. I feel purpose driven even when my path looks hazy, etc. Then this happens.

And though this wasn't hardly about me, it just reminded me that I still have some growing up to do. It was like life saying, "Oh, so you think you're at a good place? You still can't choose right from wrong." And here I am, waving my white flag, saying "Touche." to life. It's crazy.

Granted, I still want what I want for my brother. And I can't say that I'm not completely pissed (and that's an understatement) with his babies mother for how she chose to handle this, but I also can't say that if she was my sister I wouldn't have instructed her to do the very thing she did and then some.

Blood is thicker than water, but right should always prevail over wrong. It's just the law of the land. At least it should be. Even when I don't like it. Note to self.

That's All,

I'll leave ya'll with a little melody.
It could be worse, right?

Did I mention I have work at 8AM, and it's the first day of classes? Yup. Isn't it ironic? "Have to laugh out of frustration."


[while posting/proof reading this I realized that this song by Goapele always puts me in the right place. Woosah.]

1 comment:

  1. i'm uber late (as is my way with these sorts of things), but i was just having a conversation about older brothers with my mom today. so maybe i'm right on time. or rather, maybe you're right on time for me. did you ever read the brother poem i tagged you in?

    i hope things work out.