Tuesday, July 28, 2009

They say the one's closest to you...

be the ones that'll run up behind you
And stick the knife through ya

...Lil' Kim didn't tell no lies when she said that line. I've had this thing sitting on my chest about toxic friendships. Spoke with someone about it, and just recently read someone else's blog about it. Guess the next (obvious) step would be to (finally) blog about it... put it on paper... or web.

The story is the same for everyone: you have people in your inner circle that don't truly mean you well. Either they're judgmental, manipulative, straight depressing as hell, or any other trait that doesn't contribute to your positivity and personal growth.

Whatever their problem, it's impeding on your "friend"ship, or lack there of. We all have strengths, weaknesses, and things we hope to improve on. Hell, I know I do. At the least though, I try to see to it that those things aren't affecting my friends. My personal problems should be just that, personal.

I recently heard some things about a friend of mine that were a hard pill to swallow. Truth be told, there's always some type of underlying issue with her. I've been told more than a time or two that I'm always making excuses for this person. You know the friend who always gets by when doing stuff that you normally wouldn't let anyone else get away with because "It's _____." Fill in the blank as fitting. Meaning: whoever's name applies to this should be there.

However, I'm coming to terms with the fact that things are indeed problematic if I feel the need to hold my tongue, watch my back, or monitor my actions when in their presence. If you're my friend, I shouldn't have to rest with one eye up or look at you sideways. Maybe it's just me, maybe my friend requirements are too high. But, I'm not built for it. Especially when I just did a blog about appreciating genuine company, life's too short to be around people who aren't there for your empowerment. I mean. Really.

And at first, I felt bad counting my losses when it comes to toxic friendships. Even though it's toxic, I considered it a friendship just the same. Not to mention, I am in the presence of and spend a considerable amount of time with random people, but not all those people are friends to me. I guess, "all that's dirty will come off in life's wash, and I haven't finished loading up yet." My sister says this is what happens in life and with friends: people grow up, grow apart and sometimes lose their connection.

I just feel like some things are worth fighting for, and I question if I should be putting up more of a fight to get us on the "good foot" or if this is my sign to finally let things go and be done with it. Usually, I let things slide off my back and don't even bother to mention it when it comes to certain friends and situations. It's just that this time, I haven't mentioned it because I'm not ready to address it calmly, not because it's easily overlooked. This time, it's too much to look past.

Truth be told, there probably a few more people I need to shake-off. Progress is a slow process, but I'm apart of it.

(said in my Jay-Z voice)
You See Me Stressed, Right?

(said in my Public Service Announcement voice)
p.s. If you think you may be in a friendship which deserves the title of "toxic", read up on it here. You might just be tripping. Then again, you might just be right. Click the link:
6 Types of Toxic Friends & How to Deal With Them


  1. okay ms. thing im commenting. i feel u 100%. u hit the nail on the head: if you feel like you have to bite your tongue or cant be yourself then it aint no friendship. the hard part is shaking them loose if yall been friends for a while because nobodys all bad and when yall are cool u forget how they acted before.im dealing with that now.

  2. but what if you still want to try and help the person? isnt that part of the "friendship"... how do you know when you need to just cut this person off?

  3. "And trust is a word you seldom hear from us/ Hustlas we don't sleep we rest one eye up" -- Not and ideal situation, especially dealing w/ the one(s) that are supposed to be close to you. You can either love it or leave it alone...That decisions the hard part.