I Need Your Help

I woke up from a mid-day nap before work to a text that read as follows:

"Peace. This morning our friend, Amelia, was arrested at Lincoln's campus, after being accused of handing out flyers to publicize her food strike, after finding insects in her salad, the only thing on campus she can eat being a vegetarian. Whether you know Amelia or not, you received this text message because you understand, like I do, the power of prayer at a time like this, so please, send positive energy, prayers and well wishes her way. This is bigger than food choice; the powers that be are trying to quiet us by any means necessary, even at historically Black colleges, built on revolution and development of Black people. Pass it on..."

That's a lot for a text right? It was about 6 messages in all. Either way, this needed to be shared. I'm asking ya'll for a favor. Extend your prayers and positive energy to Amelia if you're capable of doing so.

You Are Appreciated,
B

Wasup love, how ya doing?

Whatchu think about me and you and..?
Uh na, but wait. Let's make a date.
Plans for dinner.
I'm down to take it slow cause I know that she's a winner.


...yeah, that's pretty much how I was feeling when I opened this post up. Hey ya'll!

So, I'm waiting for my class to start back up in 15min., and now seemed like a good as time as any to let the www (world wide web, slow pokes) know that I may have just aced my Social Statistics test. Gooooo meee!

If I didn't, woe is me.
However, I'm feeling pretty good about it.

College is so surreal nowadays. Since taking the LSAT's, I've had a major eye opener. Even with being on the executive board of the Black Law Student Association. It's like there's so much work I need to do academically to be considered a competitive applicant into a graduate school. I was dead ass sitting on the bed with my roommate yesterday doing school work. The scene felt like something out of a movie.

The sad thing is last night was my first real attempt at reading through assigned reading for class... which has to change. Why, you ask. Because in law school the reading load will be major, needs to be applied immediately, and there's no "I'll catch up later" nonsense. With that in mind, I need to get in gear. And fast.

Naturally, I felt like I was one of the smartest kids in my high school. But college... college... "na dawg, you gotta getcha weight up". I'm one of many and not nearly in the highest ranking. It's definitely a humbling experience though. Makes me even more hungry. Like, I just gotta get it (whether it be a degree, a good grade, honors, etc.)

I already told my Grammy, "I got us. I promise."

Ya'll Should be Afraid of What I'm Goin' do Next,
B

P.S.

There a few things on my blog that need updating, but now is not the time: i.e. I'm no longer reading that book. Hell, I'm not reading anything leisurely, but I sure will post my assigned reading from class :)

Furthermore, it's been a while since I've had some love from ya'll. Then again, it's been a while since ya'll have gotten some love from me huh?

Well, here I am. Signed. Sealed. Delivered. I'm yours.

That little section on the right that says "Tell Me All About It", let's make use of it shall we? I'm sure there's still someone out there checking up on me.

Random pieces of info that you may OR may not like to know (while I'm at it):

-took the practice LSAT's today, scored a 149 (the average is 150)
-earlier this week I interviewed with Campus Philly for an internship opportunity this semester (that's who I wrote the Ecstatic Tour review for)
-applied for a night job just to keep some change in my pocket (heard back from them but we're having trouble scheduling an interview time)
-met up with Babel (my poetry collective) for the first time this school year and shared poetry we've written over the summer. that was so good for my soul. we ordered shirts, and you'll be seeing them next week when I get them from the meeting.
-and I've learned that I prefer to be busy. Idle time leaves me feeling like a waste. I might as well put this lack of sleep to good use. Just think, I could've been making some type of hourly wage while typing this.

Thas' All,
B

It's been a minute since I seen ya

I fell off of the scene.
Since it seemed like you wanted other things than the king.

Yo, wanna know something I realized?

I haven't kicked it with ya'll in a minute. Like- "real life, no holding back, yeah-I'm bitter, and?" kicked it with ya'll. We have to change that. Like, now.

And it's a perfect time to do it seeing that I saw my first love while I was home last weekend. Did he have me bugging? Not in a good way. Was I happy to be home? Like you wouldn't believe. Saw my siblings, one of my God kids, the parentals, my puppies, and the list goes on. Hell, I guess I should mention my grandparents since the main reason for going home was to celebrate my grandpa's birthday and retirement party.

In short, that whole event was real classy. We had a surprise cook out for my grandpa out at my mom's daycare and an all white party later that night. He was completely baffled every time he showed up somewhere (which is a surprise in itself cause we have some talkers' in my family that could have potentially ruined the whole thing). He was so touched.. crying and all. My dad went all out, ice sculptures and then some.

Anywho, back on topic-I saw my ex. (this seems so out of order now lol)

Normally, there's a bit more distance between us, but he's "supposedly" not with his girl anymore (which would be the girl he was cheating on me with) so he felt like he could press up. Crazy, right? Tell me about it. Not to get 100% ignorant, but Pastor Troy said it best:

"&%-# is trippin', my shoes is tied up."

Following that, I got back to Philly and my energy was off. All the things he said, that I brushed off while in his presence were playing on repeat in my head. Now, I started this blog when I came to college, which was parallel to the time I had gotten him out of my system (as best I could). So, I don't know what you may know, but to put it plainly: Our relationship didn't end on a good note, and I associate him with a very bad time in my life.

And though seeing him isn't an issue, him mentioning the rekindling of old flames definitely is. He had it set in his head that there was a chance for him, he was going to try to and get back with me, or (at the very least) initiate basic contact between the two of us.

You should know that when his parents hit me up about rough patches in his life (mainly deaths in the family) I make a point to check on him... even if it's a simple, "I heard about your ____ dying, just making sure you're alright. I'm here if you need me." Mainly because love is love, and though I'm no longer in love with him-I still love him to death.

Not to mention, I don't wish any harm or negativity in his life. And I can handle/maintain those kind of conversations. However, anything beyond that is not something I'm interested in. At first, it was because me speaking with him on any level made him think that there was still chance for us as far as a relationship goes. Now, the reasons are different.

More than anything, speaking with him casually reminds me of what used to be. And my "used to be" memories aren't the good ones from the earlier part of our relationship.

So, I can do without it. He reached out to me when I had got back to school, and I politely but firmly let him know that I wasn't interested in casual conversation and would prefer that he didn't hit me up as late as he did unless something was wrong. He never responded, and I haven't heard from him since. I guess he got the memo.

Crazy thing is, I felt the need to justify my decision to myself. Like, all these reasons were running rampant in my head. My best friend said I was really just trying to remind myself why I can't entertain him, and though that statement may hold some validity-a lot of it is me wondering who he thinks he is.

Like, really? Two and a half years later, after your relationship with your former mistress is supposedly over, and now you expect me to welcome you with open arms? On some Beyonce stuff, "You must not know bout' me." And if he had approached me on a more casual level, maybe I could have entertained it. But he was cracking jokes about relationships, bending down on one knee, and all this other stuff that made it clear that it wasn't what it should've been.

Furthermore, I've forgiven him for what he did in our relationship that hurt me. Granted (and clearly), I haven't forgotten. I don't mention it. There's no reason for me to, and it wouldn't be worth my breath or his time. But allowing him back in would allow him to think that the way he hurt me wasn't real or wasn't real enough for me to know better than to keep trying. And I can't have that. I just can't fade it.

In other words-I'm off that. And I'm sure that has a lot to do with his attraction. My best friend always says I'm such a different "Brandi" then the one that went away to school my freshman year. But I'm grateful for that thing, if not now more than ever. I'm sure he sees the change, and wants to make his mark. However, it's just a little too late.

And as I said, initially my energy was thrown off. But I'm back now, and better than ever.

And proud.

It feels so good to know that I've really gotten past the point in my life where I'm weak for him... and to know he sees a good thing in me. Cause ladies, for those reading, let's be real: we always want to know that we'll be missed, that they'll look back and see they messed up, or be the least bit regretful. Well... It's been a long time coming, but I finally have that reassurance, and in a way, it let's me know my decision to love him wasn't completely in vain.

Whether his realizations manifested sooner or later, at least they manifested.

Trying to See the Good in Every Situation,
B

It's a Movie, and You're a Star.

Warning: Don't look for much relevance in my titles anymore. They're probably a lyric of some sort dependent on how I'm feeling or what I'm listening to.

Now that that's out the way...

"Put my heart and soul into this yall. I hope you feel me where I am, to wherever you are."

I've said that to say that I went to The Ecstatic Tour 2 weeks ago. I had never seen Mos Def or Talib Kweli perform, but I heard great things about it. What's that you ask? Where was I seated? Well...It was pretty much like that. Right underneath his crotch, yeah, that would be where I was located. For beginners it was standing room only. Secondly, I got a photo pass from CampusPhilly.org since I was doing a concert review for them. However, as luck would have it-my camera was broke. Still, as God was have it-a friend of mine was taking pics for another publication and had his professional camera.

(*insert shameless shout out and plug to Rashid Zakat)

--which was even better than what I had in the first place. Definitely need to put that on my Christmas list... well, my Christmas "item". I'm too old for a list, but I'm definitely trying to own a real camera. If things are going to pick up (like I project they will), that is a must have.

Back to Mos:
So, my pass got me (and a friend) in free, gave me access to all the taped off areas, and allowed me to stand in the section between the barricade for the audience and the actual stage. Real nice. Now, this was all a first for me. So, in my head I always thought at moments like this I'd be freaking out and acting like I've never been anywhere.

On the contrary, I just felt like I belonged. I was even texting my dad during the concert, like, "Yeah, I'm supposed to be here." I could definitely see myself doing entertainment journalism. One of my high school teachers used to compare me to Dream Hampton (hip-hop journalist and first female owner of The Source). I can definitely see that happening now.

Don't get it twisted, law school is still in the future, but I could definitely see myself writing reviews, conducting interviews and such. Speaking of which, the official opening act was Jay Electronica. I ended up interviewing him on a whim just because we were in close quarters. He was hella cool, showed me videos on his phone of his 8mo. old daughter Mars (whose name I wasn't sure how I felt about, but I've decided now that I like).

So, Mos Def was going off during the majority of his performance. Wailing, church cries... the whole nine. Kept people waiting and then appeared out of thin air playing the drums went the lights went low. I can't front like I wasn't hype to see him.

The real shocker?

Though I wasn't all that excited about seeing Talib Kweli perform, he had my full attention the whole time.That man is all energy on stage and his song selection was everything. Mind you, I'm not familiar with his work like that, but I was all in it. Didn't take not-a-one note while he was performing. Meanwhile, I wrote every other tid bit down when Mos was on stage. I'm not saying anything, I'm just saying. The man definitely has stage presence. Very much ill.

Anywho, read the actual review. Click HERE. Plz?

I'm Back,
B

Thought for the Night 9/27

There is nothing special about me,
I am just a little star.
If you try to reach out and touch me,
you'll see I'm not really that far.
I may not be the brightest,
nor am I the last one you'll see.
But as long as you notice,
that's just fine with me.
Everything's just fine with me.

Exactly,
B

Thought for the (Late) Night 9/21

"First impressions are a lie.
Sooner or later they're gonna get to know who you really are,
and I say: Life is short. Why not sooner?"

-Rosie O' Donell, Drop Dead Diva

I Like It :)
B

p.s. I went to the Mos Def/Talib Kweli concert and home. You'll be hearing about both. Soon. Promise.

Thought for the Day 9/17

"And I don't rock chains.
Our ancestors did that for us."
-Phontae of Little Brother

That's Right!
B

p.s. Pharell said it best, "The motivation for me... is them telling me what I cannot be. Oh well."

Thought for the Evening 9/16

You don't have to be me, but you do have to be somebody.

(Army Wives)

I'm telling ya'll, that show is the truth.

Get on It,
B

Cleaning House

My stepmom emailed me this. Loved/had to share it:

Last Week I threw out worrying, it was getting old and in the way.

It kept me from being me; I couldn't do things God's way.

I threw out a book on MY PAST
(Didn't have time to read it anyway).

Replaced it with NEW GOALS, started reading it today.

I threw out hate and bad memories,
(Remember how I treasured them so)?

Got me a NEW PHILOSOPHY too, threw out the one from long ago.

Brought in some new books too, called I CAN, I WILL, and I MUST.

Threw out I might, I think and I ought.
WOW, you should've seen the dust.

I ran across an OLD FRIEND, I hadn't talked to in a while.

His name is GOD the Father, and I really like His style.

He helped me to do some cleaning and added some things Himself.

Like PRAYER, HOPE, FAITH and LOVE,
Yes... I placed them right on the shelf.

I picked up this special thing and placed it at the front door.

I FOUND IT- it's called PEACE. Nothing gets me down anymore.

Yes, I've got my house looking nice.

Looks good around the place.

For things like Worry and Trouble there just isn't any space.

It's good to do a little house cleaning,
Get rid of the things on the shelf.

It sure makes things brighter; maybe you should TRY IT YOURSELF.

Whatcha Waiting For?
B

VMA Recap: Had to Do It

I mean, it's been a while since I've been around these parts. Don't trip, they're still home. Nonetheless, I just HAVE TO talk about the VMA's. I won't front like I've watched them every year and I have this great comparison regarding the previous award shows. However, this year was definitely something worth talking about.

And I know, it's not the best way to welcome myself back to this beautiful blog of mine. But as I said, I just gotta. Not to mention, if you aren't around me on the regular-I have no way of knowing if you felt where I was coming from regarding all this coonery and debauchery that was taking place.

So, let's go:

FIRST & MOTHERF'N FOREMOST- Janet went off. All the way off. If you don't agree with me on this fact, I don't even want your opinion. There is no other option but the one which coincides with mine. I already stated that Scream was one of my favorite Michael songs, if not my all time favorite. The chemistry they showed was amazing. So, for Janet to come out, bang her part out like her brother wasn't missing, and perform his dance like only she could... I was just in awe. My roommate was crying.

That moment just did something for me. That's how you start off a show. Let that be the reason I ended up watching the entire awards in the first place. Janet got so much props from me. If you didn't see the show from the beginning... allow me. The first half is just dancers doing the choreography from his videos, for Janet- forward to 3:39.

Moving right along to Kanye the Coon... I was so disappointed in the way he treated Taylor Swift. I mean, who wasn't? I can't say I was surprised. He always acts an ass. And the fact that he was sippin' on something went dually noted, but damn Kanye-can she win her first award and give her humble speech? She was surely shocked and brinking on the edge of tears. I was so disturbed. There's nothing more to say about it. Between Facebook, Twitter, and Kanye's blog-its gotten enough coverage. Boo.

Luckily, Beyonce saved the whole race with her piece of speech and then inviting Taylor back onto the stage. Cause Kanye surely set us back. Speaking of B, I loved the lil' segway where she gave all this attitude and said, "Where my ring at?" I was like, thas' right B!

Alright, back to the coonery... Lady Gaga. Anti-Christ, much? Like. Who is she? I'm so confused. Was she supposed to be joking? Making a statement? God and the gays? In that order? All I have is questions. Does anyone have her direct email address or something? Like, why would you "fake bleed" on stage and make it even more dramatic by hanging yourself from your arm on stage? Why would you think that was okay? The red mask? What was that? And the porcupine head cover? God help us. On the up and up, the white boots she wore during her performance... flyness at its finest. I was feeling em'.

Now, onto Mr. P. Did Puffy. I'm a tad put off by him right now because he performed at Jay-Z's concert last Friday at Madison Square Garden wearing a grill. Why would you do that sir? If Lady Gaga's the Anti-Christ, he's the Anti-Christ of Hip Hop. Argh. Whatever the case, how did he get the right to give T.I.'s speech for him? Most people say, "So and so isn't here... we're accepting this award for the... goodnight." Puffy's goin' say (sorry folks, I just never got into calling him P. Diddy) "we know he wants to thank....". Really? How did you know who he wanted to thank? Did he write you, call you, tell you during a visit? And where was Tiny? Could she not have given the speech or went up and accepted the award?

Other lil' random tid bits that made me raise an eyebrow: Why was Flo Rida even nominated for best Hip Hop video? Since when did he represent Hip Hop? Does anyone REALLY know him? And why couldn't Eminem smile (even a little bit) when walking to the stage/accepting his award? Lastly, what was the point of Pink performing acrobatics during her performance? Don't get it twisted-I was impressed she was singing live, even when she did breathe in the mic a tad hard during some flips, and even when I was worried she was going to jump down on the stage at one moment.. I just didn't get the point of it.

And finally, what gave Lil' Mama the right to think she could get on the stage during Jay-Z and Alicia Keys performance? Like, what was she thinking? Did her altar ego rear it's head in the form of Kanye West? I will say that they tore the house down, and Alicia's shoes were hurting em... oh yeah, I also loved how hype Beyonce was during their performance... but the main focus, the heavy hitter, the thing that absolutely ruined the money shot was Lil' Mama getting in on that final pose. WHY!? I wish it would've been something more difficult she couldn't catch onto and just ended up looking crazy versus crossing her arms and posing there beside them.

Just... ughh. Everybody has lost their mind.

That's All Man.

God Bless America,
B

p.s. Kanye's on Jay Leno now. I might be back tonight... geesh.

What Else Would Bring Me Back?

"Hi, haters.

I'm back off hiatus."

Blueprint 3 dropped today.

"This is Roc Nation.

Pledge your allegiance."

If you see me around this week, and I'm cocky for (seemingly) no reason- forgive me. The album is FINALLY here, so my altar ego has probably taken over.

On to the Next One,

B