It's the 1st of the Month

Feels like I haven't made any contact with those on planet Earth (you guys) in like a week... granted, it's only been since Tuesday. I've found myself wishing I was in a Philly state of mind lately and pretty much indifferent or all out apathetic to things taking place around me.

When I say Philly state of mind I really just mean back in Philadelphia... I swear that city is calling me. I'm even looking forward to my classes this coming semester. Not to mention, I'm missing a person or 2 (*shouties to the BFF). Akwardly enough, I'm not anticipating my return for the same reasons I thought I would be when I left. In layman's terms, I feel like a friendship is waning. I feel the need to splurge for a bit since I know they won't be reading this. Well, they might-but I doubt it. It's like somewhere in the summer, we got lost.

You know that friend you have who you want to update on every breathing moment of your life? As Musiq says, "I can't remember how many emails I sent you just to tell you about my day." That described our friendship to a tee, except our emails were text messages. But now I don't feel the need to update you like I used to, I find myself holding back on the personals when you're usually the first person I'm telling them to, and I'm always aggravated by the end of our conversations. It never fails that I'm hanging up the phone flicking my wrist in the manner you wave someone off. Why is that?

I can't pinpoint it, but this disturbs me. I have a few ideas as to what went wrong, but I don't even know where to begin, and I'm wondering if you were only intended to be a seasonal person in my life. It's like, I can't see our "reuniting" being all we made it out to be when we're where we are at right now. I don't want things to be better because we're back together if they weren't alright when we were apart. Does that make sense?

On another note, I performed at Wine Up this Tuesday. I did one of my newer poems (Imagine Me) and it went really well. This was the first time that I actually felt like I performed a piece. Now that I think about it, that's actually horrible considering how many times I've been on a stage holding a mic in the last year, but the keyword is performed... like- I put feeling, emotion, and body movement into it. The crowds feedback was wonderful, and one of the poets who I think is crazy on the mic said she was proud of me. Not to mention, her coach actually quoted a line back to me from my poem and dapped me up for it. Yeah, I was gas'd... so what.

I guess this about does it, besides the two topics mentioned above and another personal that I'm not at the liberty of sharing- I've been feeling kind of blah about everything else. However, I will say that the BFF has been hella consistent on the check-ups lately and I've needed it. Thanks.

Taking it One Day at a Time-Forever,
B