Thursday, November 8, 2007

I Am My Brother's Keeper

This phrase orginiated from the Bible when God asked Cain where Able, his brother, was. The question above was his reply to God. Lately, this has taken on a whole new meaning for me. Furthermore, had Cain asked me this question.. I would have told him yes, he was. With that being said..

I am my brother's keeper.
I wear my heart on my sleeve.
My strength is my weakness: I care too much.

More than ever, I've noticed the value of my friends and family. More than ever, my friends have surpassed the title and became my family. I can remember when I was younger and my mother passed away, I felt the urge to comfort my older brother. I was always seen as the emotional child or the sensitive one. He wasn't so good at expressing himself, and I always felt the need to protect him. My grandmother, as well as my close friends, all say that I act like a mother. I try to take care of everybody. I make everyones problems my problems.

This is so. I have accepted that about myself.

I just heard the news that a friend of mine tried to take their life away and it hurt me to my core. I have so many mixed emotions about the situation. My friends, the few that I have, are my friends to the heart. I care about them in a way that surpasses explaining. I would do just about anything for them that I'm capable of doing and even attempt the impossible, if necessary. It hurt me when they shared this information with me, and what hurt even more is the fact they were worried I would be mad at them.

In the middle of my senior year in highschool, I was having a huge emotional breakdown. There's no point in being descriptive, just understand that I was in shambles and hanging on a thin piece of thread. The same friend that tried to take away their life, was there for me when I felt like I was no longer in control of mine. They made it clear that I had a friend in them and that they were only one call away. At all times, through all endeavors, I try to reciprocate the same sentiments. So, it's hard for me to understand why they would do such a thing. I know it's easy to feel alone, to not want to share your burden with others, and to believe nobody cares despite what others may tell you. In the same token, I've come to notice a certain amount of selfishness that comes with "taking the easy way out".

When people feel as if they are going through something they can no longer bear, they may think that the best thing to do would be commit suicide. However, in taking away your pain, you are transferring it to the other people who care about you. The person who comforted me while I was worrying about my friend shared this idea with me, and it couldn't be more true. You are not doing anyone any favors by taking your life away.

I am here to help you carry your burden, as your friend.
Please, don't leave this world and force me to carry your burden alone.

People tell me that I can't take on the worlds problems, and I can't. However, I can be me the best way I know how... sensitive, emotional, and caring to a fault. If that makes me weak, I wear my weakness like a badge of honor, because nothing can stop me from feeling the need to protect those I hold close to my heart. Maybe I do get too involved, but I'd rather be too far in than standing on the outside, cold.

With so many things happening to my friends (in NC) while I'm in Philadelphia, I have come to despise the fact that I chose a school so far away. However, I know that God don't make no mistakes, and this is where he wanted me to be.

I repeat, God don't make no mistakes: YOU'RE STILL HERE. Mission failed, and this is not one of those things you need to keep trying "if at first you don't succeed". You are here because that is where God wanted you to be... here, with me. Should you need me to hold the title, from Philly to Japan, I am your keeper. I love you.

2fingers and blessings,

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