Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Waiting for the World to Change

As of late, every day has been looking a lot like the day before it. Feeling like it too for that matter. Which is ironic, because I have been out and about when I'm not working. Still, nothing extremely amazing has happened.

I'm ranting, and basically implying that right now I'm playing the waiting game. It feels like I'm waiting for the next monumental thing in my life to happen: whether it be a life changing event, venue or person. I'm just waiting. It's like everyone moment of your life that's spent between the moments you remember and cherish the most is just that, a moment in your life between more important moments. I don't know how long it's been since my last major moment, but I do know that I'm ready for my next one to be here.

The funny thing is I've been enjoying my day to day, been writing a decent amount, had wonderful company, etc. Still. Nothing. I think I need to be stimulated besides my "every other night poetry venue" and a few great lines/quotes that I'll remember and post for your pleasure. It can't be that I'm losing my muse. Just waiting.

Furthermore, spending the summer in my own company, well, away from home (and not during the school year) has shown me a lot about myself. Some things good, some things bad. Am I willing to share the bad things? Hellllll no. LOL

Na, really though I've realized that when the night falls, I'd prefer to be in someone else's presence. The Libra in me is starting to show like I never imagined. I've always been a socialite, but I've seldom felt the NEED to always have company. It could be that I never realized how much I'm constantly surrounded by others or that I had kind of taken time out for myself to be to myself earlier this year to regain control of my emotions. Since feeling stable, I now feel lonely.

I need to start listening to India Arie's private party again and remind myself that "I'm alone but never lonely". Self: though you're alone, you aren't lonely. Let's clarify something though: I feel the need to be in the presence of GOOD company-anything other than is disregarded. Quick, fast and in a hurry. I'm not at a place in my life where I crave company and will settle for anything. High quality company is a must.

This felt more like a journal entry than a blog post. As of late though, I've been doing a lot of self-reflection. That may very well be the reason that all you've been getting lately is quotes. It's either discuss ideas or put myself out for the world to see.

I've been short on ideas. When I have them and much to say about them I'm not near the computer. And when that's the case, I'm not all that pressed to air my laundry (dirty or clean) with the world wide web, but I think that's how I kicked my blog off the ground in the first place. Shamelessly. No holds barred. "This is just how I feel." Honestly. "Sorry if it offends you, but it's my blog. You don't have to read it." That was often the disclaimer to a lot of my posts. I may need to get back to that.

I asked my boss for one of her favorite quotes today, and she said, "Swallow your pride occasionally. It's not fattening." Frank Tygre said the quote, and I don't know who that man is, but he has a great point and she couldn't have told a better person at a better time.

That's All,

1 comment:

  1. Brandi. omg, you dont even know how much this post is speaking to me right NOW. im feeling like lauryn hill with you singing my life with this post. i feel like im now in the waiting period, just waiting for something, ANYTHING to happen and to matter. this post is so real.