Friday, March 13, 2009

Rudeness, Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?

So, I'm in love with the song you hear playing...

Whatever the case, I'm going to drop a cat out of the bag regarding females . Typically, when we let go of someone who wasn't conducive to our emotional health... wait, I always cover up my personal emotions with pronouns that make it seem like I'm speaking about a collective group or someone else. Let me speak for self.

Proceeding: If you were in my life, but you've become a thing of the past, I don't wish you harm. I wish you well, and I probably miss whatever it is about you that I found attention worthy. Here's the cat: I'm not all that worried about the rate of your souls progression because it no longer affects me, your love life is of no interest to me either... I just want to know that I'll be missed. Maybe not in the same capacity or way that I'll miss you, but just in general.

I don't want to be a person you look back on with regret about how you handled the relationship. I'm not the vindictive type, I don't want every day of your life to be one which involves suffering without me. I just want to know that I made enough impact on your life to the point where my absence leaves enough void for missing to occur. I don't need this large revelation where you come back around pledging your allegiance to me- it's never that deep. [not to mention: "driving backwards is how you get into accidents"]

...I just want to cross your mind and put a smirk on your face every now and then. Plain and simple. I'm just a girl, man.

Nonetheless, this rant was not even the intended purpose of this post. The intention of this post is written with two former flames in mind-both, who refuse to speak to me. I couldn't tell you the reasons for either. The first one, I've never said or done a mean thing to in my life cause he had me on some puppy love bull, and I didn't have a frickin' back bone. However, when I decided to dead him-that was the end of that. A few years later, we became mature enough for the cordial type of gig to take place, but we moved to different areas... hadn't spoken since... and now he does silly shit like send me Facebook request, mind my business, then delete me as a friend.

Why? Is it ever that deep? Or is it just that hard to say: Yo, I'm wondering how your life is going but I'm not really all that interested in speaking? Wait. Whoa. Even if that was your response, I'd still need a reason. Like, what are you on your high horse about? I haven't done a thing to you. Come out of your bag Mr. Emotional (for no reason).

Guy #2... o, God bless Guy #2, is a different story. I had his back. He dogged me, I still had his back and wished him well. Then, he dogged someone else, and I was just blown. So... I came out my mouth all crazy then tried to renig on it, and for the most part (in my mind)-that's what I did. I even took blame where I was at fault and tried to make amends. Now, by this time, anything between us was way over, but I just didn't feel the need for tension or needless hostility.

Guess I'm shitty at peace offerings because to this day-he still won't speak, he goes out of his way to make it clear that he's ignoring me or opting to not speak (which can kinda be humorous at times), and from what I'm told makes a point to change topics if my name ever drops. And, all in all, I'm just over it. It's petty. It's pointless, and I just don't think he was really that hurt to still be holding grudges. I mean, is this his way of not giving me closure? The case could very well be that he just doesn't feel the need to speak to me at all, but that wouldn't make sense to me. I don't see the reason behind that.

Honestly, I can think of one solid reason that he may have for that, and that will be divulged in a poem so you'll just have to wait. I'm bout' to get on my 'The Good, The Bad, & the Semi-Literate' sh*t and just start spluging on here... man o' man, if you only knew. It feels good. Ok, my rants done. That's all.


1 comment:

  1. lol. plz. by all means. do so! J Skittle got something for the truth being told... totally candid is the way to be! I myself haven't been 100% with that super exposed style yet but it must be refreshing and liberating as hell, only catch is that others may not appreciate it, but you should do you. That's all I gotta say about that.

    In regards to the people not speaking to you thing. I never really understood that philosophy all that much myself. Clearly there was something that we were attracted to about each other to start this relationship (platonic or otherwise), the inability to be cordial is immature at best. Cordial, not best friend, hand holding, lunch sharers. Just people sharing a planet with some respect for one another and respect for self. Because it must be taxing emotionally to avoid someone to that degree. To play devil's advocate though. Self knows self best. What one may not understand at all, may be gospel for another. Those who do not speak to you do so because it makes them feel better. It is there way of coping. The non-speakee must have made quite an impact on the non-speaker, therefore the best way to move on and be semi-OK is to pretend as though that part of life never existed for the pupose of sanity.

    mouthful much? lol