Waiting for the World to Change

As of late, every day has been looking a lot like the day before it. Feeling like it too for that matter. Which is ironic, because I have been out and about when I'm not working. Still, nothing extremely amazing has happened.

I'm ranting, and basically implying that right now I'm playing the waiting game. It feels like I'm waiting for the next monumental thing in my life to happen: whether it be a life changing event, venue or person. I'm just waiting. It's like everyone moment of your life that's spent between the moments you remember and cherish the most is just that, a moment in your life between more important moments. I don't know how long it's been since my last major moment, but I do know that I'm ready for my next one to be here.

The funny thing is I've been enjoying my day to day, been writing a decent amount, had wonderful company, etc. Still. Nothing. I think I need to be stimulated besides my "every other night poetry venue" and a few great lines/quotes that I'll remember and post for your pleasure. It can't be that I'm losing my muse. Just waiting.

Furthermore, spending the summer in my own company, well, away from home (and not during the school year) has shown me a lot about myself. Some things good, some things bad. Am I willing to share the bad things? Hellllll no. LOL

Na, really though I've realized that when the night falls, I'd prefer to be in someone else's presence. The Libra in me is starting to show like I never imagined. I've always been a socialite, but I've seldom felt the NEED to always have company. It could be that I never realized how much I'm constantly surrounded by others or that I had kind of taken time out for myself to be to myself earlier this year to regain control of my emotions. Since feeling stable, I now feel lonely.

I need to start listening to India Arie's private party again and remind myself that "I'm alone but never lonely". Self: though you're alone, you aren't lonely. Let's clarify something though: I feel the need to be in the presence of GOOD company-anything other than is disregarded. Quick, fast and in a hurry. I'm not at a place in my life where I crave company and will settle for anything. High quality company is a must.

This felt more like a journal entry than a blog post. As of late though, I've been doing a lot of self-reflection. That may very well be the reason that all you've been getting lately is quotes. It's either discuss ideas or put myself out for the world to see.

I've been short on ideas. When I have them and much to say about them I'm not near the computer. And when that's the case, I'm not all that pressed to air my laundry (dirty or clean) with the world wide web, but I think that's how I kicked my blog off the ground in the first place. Shamelessly. No holds barred. "This is just how I feel." Honestly. "Sorry if it offends you, but it's my blog. You don't have to read it." That was often the disclaimer to a lot of my posts. I may need to get back to that.

I asked my boss for one of her favorite quotes today, and she said, "Swallow your pride occasionally. It's not fattening." Frank Tygre said the quote, and I don't know who that man is, but he has a great point and she couldn't have told a better person at a better time.

That's All,
B

Thought for the Day 6/30

Sometimes you'll do anything to remember you're alive.
-Jay Kirk

Still Breathing,
B

p.s. Last week I was told that I've been slacking on my blog.. that my thoughts for the day are basically quick cop outs. In all fairness, this person may be right and this may be my attempt at just keeping something on the blog. If so, thanks for sticking with me. I have much to write, but not the time equivalent. However, I'll be back today. Promise.

Yeah Hov, just start blowing up shit.

Let the Story Begin,
B

Thought for the Evening 6/29

It's really hard for me to give up the habit of hoping.
-Carole King

Unfortunately LOL,
B

Thought for the Day 6/28

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
-Erica Jong

Aint That the Truth,
B

Thought for Yesterday 6/27

I move on feeling and have learned to distrust those who don't.
-Nikki Giovanni

Exactly,
B

Thought for the Day 6/26

"If you tell me I'm wrong, then you better prove you're right.You're selling out souls, but I care about mine."
-Janet Jackson

Say what you like... call me crazy, but my favorite song (UNDISPUTED) by Michael Jackson is Scream. I just love the chemistry him and Janet showed, and it might not help any that she was my mom's favorite artist.

Bringin' Back Memories,
B

So, I missed yesterday's quote.

...but their were biggers issues at hand.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson
(August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009)

Some people aren't affected as others, but it's undeniable that he was a music icon.

Feeling Surreal,
B

Thought for the Day 6/24

A woman who writes feels too much.
-Anne Sexton

Tell Me About It,
B

Lord Help Her

Why?
B

Thought for the Afternoon 6/23

"There are no humble peacocks. Wear you feathers with pride."

-Author Unknown

If Only I Could Fly,
B

Thought for the Day 6/22

Everytime you speak from a place other then your heart, you are mute to me.
-New York's Youth Slam Team, '08

Word.
B

Thought for the Day 6/21

If you want a fairytale, you should write one.
-Brother Ray

I'm Down for That,
B

Happy Father's Day (video performance)

I've never done anything for my dad on fathers day. For no specific reason, but usually other people have bought something for him and said it was from me. The kind of thing like when you're young and you just sign the card. Whatever the case, I wrote him a poem. Took me FOREVER. But I did. I sent it to him as an attachment in an email since I'm not home to perform it. Here's the video:

He liked it. Yay! It's funny how nervous my dad makes me. I tried taping this on my own while sitting down and realized I was doing all the things I used to do when I was nervous performing. I've broken two of those major habits, because I've learned not to let my nerves get the best of me once I hit the stage. However, while taping last night it was a different set of nerves that had me rolling my eyes towards the ceiling and fumbling with my hands.

Yet, and still-the pop was pleased. What'd you do for your big man for fathers day? Or is he just a sperm donor? If you situation is more like the latter, just thank the Big Man Above and wish Him a happy father's day. If he's not on your side either, you're doomed :)

Feeling Great,
B

Thought for the Day 6/20

Black is the color of the beginning and since all things end where they start, I beg of you. Come be apart of the black whole.
-Author Unknown (it was one of the poets I saw spit in Brooklyn last night)

Black,
B

Thought for the Night 6/19

If you asked me how I'm doing my answer would probably be, "Lil' Wayne sold over 400,000 albums in one day. What chance our kids got?"
-Brother Ray

Love That Line,
B

Your Highness (newest poem)

Beneath the burden of broken promises
Words unspoken
Mending hearts
And that lack of confidence you were oh so well
I found your crown the other day

Buried just beneath the layer of things queens in training tend to trip over
It lay there
Waiting to be reclaimed by its rightful owner
And just as golden as its always been

I chose to blame gravity
For that one moment
However brief
When your head hung just a little lower than what royalty requires
And it couldn't balance itself on the base it sits upon
I'm sure
Someone saw it slipping

They should have told you
Pick your chin up
Instead
They were all too excited to witness your fall from grace
But when the subject is you
Even crashing planes look beautiful

So pick your crown up
Cause any situation is only what you make it
And if your crown is yours alone
Then no one else can claim it
Not to mention
You rock it like a regal beauty
So you might as well embrace it

Have I told you what a marvel you are to behold?
No wonder queens adorn their thrones with gold
You're just as beautiful as everyone may or may not tell you you are
If only you'd choose to believe it
For everytime you aren't pleased with what you see in the mirror
Remember that Jesus thinks you're to die for
And that's not one of those compliments you take with a grain of salt
It's just a reminder that royalty runs in your veins

Should you choose to acknowledge your God given DNA
You might put an extra twist in your wrist when you wave
Or turn that stride to a strut when you're walking
I'm sure you've heard them talking
But you can be sure the cliche stands true
It does not matter you are called
Only what you choose to answer to

So it'd behoove them to call you queen
Or something of equal stature cause you shouldn't answer to lesser things
Respect is only one of your birth rights
Make sure they know that before ever knowing what being inside you feels like

Your body is a temple
And you will have to account for every unholy man you let enter it
So be choosey with those you invest in
You don't see modern day royalty rushing to save every peasant

I found your crown the other day
Beneath the burdern of broken homes
Broken bones
Broken spirits
And I stand here before you now
Just begging you to wear it

I found your crown the other day
And I kept it for safe keeping
Queen
Here it is
Put it on
Reclaim your throne
Let everyone know
That you
You are golden

Golden,
B

Thought for the Day 6/18

Not using your gift is the same as not having it.
-Author Uknown

True,
B

EVERYONE Needs to See This

Initially, I was thinking that just females need to see these pieces, because they're the people being addressed. However, it hit me that even males should see them to. These are two poems that were performed earlier this week at a show I went to in support of Philly's Youth Slam Team trying to get to BNV this year. Don't know what BNV is? You obviously didn't read THIS post. (Click "THIS" to back track).

The first one is a piece by Joshua Bennet (a poet out here in Philly whose got accolades out the wazoo in regards to his poetic performance, i.e. he's performed at the White House for Obama). Really. This poem starts off "10 Things I Want to Say to Black Women". You can't hear that part because I was a tad slow pulling out my camera.

This next poem is by another poet out here named Hasan Malik. And his accolades are of equal caliber. He's the assistant coach for the Philly Youth Slam Team this year and was a part of the team the year they won nationals at BNV. The part you missed is "This poem/letter is for...". Yeah, blame my slowness on the "camera draw" again for what you missed.

That's Like Something You Need to Watch Daily,
B

Thought for the Afternoon 6/17

"For everytime you aren't pleased with what you see in the mirror,
remember that Jesus thinks you're to die for.
And that's not one of those compliments you take with a grain of salt. "
-Me! (it's an excerpt from my latest poem, you'll be getting it soon)

Your Highness,
B

Thought for the Day 6/16

Remember Hannah? The girl from my poetry collective (BABEL!) who I inspired to write a poem back in February? No?

Take a look: CLICK HERE.

Well... the thought for today stems from a poem she has referencing men as kings. And another random thought, that picture in the old post does her no justice. She cut her hair off, got a real fly bob, and you can't catch her without her bamboo earrings. Anywho-here it is:

"That limp in your walk is simply to say that to rule isn't easy... there's no election to prove your status. Just birth right."

-Hannah Adams

Owwww!
B

The Realest ____ I Ever Wrote (Poem)

I have a new poem that I haven't posted or gave a title to yet. I sing the part that's italicized before going into the poem:

I never dreamed you'd leave in summer
You said you would be here when it rains
I never dreamed you'd leave in summer
Now the situations made things change
Why didn't you stay?

I was that girl turned suicidal
After experiencing her first love
To title me a train wreck
Would have been an understatement
See, I was more emotionally exhausted
then I had been when my mother passed
But the circumstances were different
With her, I lost a mother
With him, I lost a child

God's crazy scheme somehow concocted a baby within my belly
To legitimize the fact that we had premarital sex
But if anyone were to ask
I know no shame for the fact that we made love

We made love
As if the cops would come knocking
And stopping
Stopping was only an option
If they broke the bedroom door down
And somehow managed to separate our limbs
I'm sure we appeared to be one unit
With double the amount of parts

See, Eve was constructed from Adam's rib
But I gave this man my heart
And though ribs can bruise, break, and heal
You cannot function without your organs
So, It's needless to say that when he left me
I felt lifeless
For the second time that year

The first time occurred when my womb became my coffin
And my fathers not so encouraging words
Led to me opting out of motherhood
I'm told
I'm not the teenage mother type

But my first God child came to form when I was only 16
And I'd cradle her until my arms went numb
Then place her against my chest
Because I lacked the capacity to put her down
I have always been searching for something to hold onto

Cause lost love often breeds insecurity
I mean, when my all aint good enough
Then what's my worth
When I've put my faith to rest in it
Am more than willing to fight for it
But still get treated like it's something I don't deserve
I get to second guessing

And my relationship timeline is fuzzy
I don't remember the girl I was before my first love
But the feeling sits on my chest
Like a pointless paper weight
Trying to suppress the fact that him and anyone after
All resemble a pattern that looks a lot like failure

I'm not one for pointing fingers
But I'm also not ready to turn the hand back on myself
So
Instead
I clench fist and pray

Dear God,
Help to realize this is bigger than unrequited love
Grant me mercy for the angels I've sent back to you
Should you be moved to bless my womb again
Do not let the count on it taint my unborns experience
Allow them to be more than a product of their environment
With no regard to the number of unholy men I've allowed to enter inside my temple

And I promise
I promise to remove the burden that I've placed alongside your blessing
To carry patiently
And celebrate each day as if it were Christmas
Knowing that 9months is the amount of time it takes
To unwrap the gift of life

I will not falter in my decision due to an Earthly father
For if he chooses to run at the first sign of responsibility
I know the one who sits Most High doesn't take part in anything He can't see through
So if He sees fit to mold me into a different type of vessel
Or shift some things around
Let's move

Take me to a place only real mothers know
Where unconditional love is more sustaining than breast milk
And the weight of the world seems minuscule
When compared to the smile on my child's face
Allow me to do Your work
So, I can hold my head high and finally say
It is TRULY better to have loved and lost
Then to never have loved at all

Moving Up,
B

Thought for the Day 6/15

I poet for little women who pack on Mac and try to act like ladies

Concealer to conceal her tears

Dollbaby, you can't paint respect on your lips

Pat power on your nose

-Ariana Santiago

That's My Godsister :)
B

Thought for the (Yester) Day 6/14

So, I thought to myself two times yesterday that I hadn't posted a "Thought for the Day". Typically, I do them from my phone while I'm out and about, not computer accessible. Hence, the reason they look so stale sometimes. However, yesterday was a bit busy and I never actually posted, only thought about it.

As a result, I'm posting now, and I've changed the date to show as June 14th, even though it's really the 15th... just didn't want to lie to you. Still, all is well. Here's your thought:

"Every accomplishment you will ever make is a result of someone else's sacrifice."

-Author Unknown

So True,
B

Beyond the Cotton Club (Poem)

...so, my poems aren't typically written on request or by assignment. However, the distinguished brothers of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc., asked me to perform at a themed event of theirs for the second time. And yes, I said distinguished. Yes, I show favoritism. And? So?

This poem was a result of my response to the quotes mentioned in today's "Thought for the Day". Check it out:

You were once told to pity people like me
They lead you to believe that descendants of slaves could only take part in coonery
So you stood on the corner of 142nd and Lenox
Watching people with my skin tone administer brown bag test
To people with my skin tone
And you were excited to know we'd soon be shucking and jiving

But this here goes beyond the Cotton Club
Take heed
My people have never danced for you

My body may contain the blood of slaves
But it's only because God has blessed me with a servants heart
So I know no shame based on the color of my skin
All I know is that I'm kissed by the sun

Here I am
Beautiful beyond measure
All writing
Acting
Singing
Dancing and such

Containing too much talent to fit in one era
Hence Harlem Renaissance meets The Black Arts Movement
or
James Weldon Johnston meets
Josephine Baker meets
Billie Holiday

My black is beautiful, baby
And if you have yet to notice
Then you might've just met me in the wrong lifetime
But it'd behoove you to stay tuned
Cause it gets bigger than Barack
Trust me
The best has yet to come

Proud,
B

Thought(s) for the Day 6/13

I feel like these quotes just have to be read together. Though they're powerful on their own, I couldn't pick one from the other.

"I am not tragically colored. There is no great sorrow damned up in my soul, nor lurking behind my eyes. I do not mind at all."

&

"Someone is always at my elbows reminding me that I am the granddaughter of slaves. It fails to register depression with me."
-Zora Neale Hurston

I Know That's Right,
B

Thought for the Day 6/12

Everybody wants to be somebody, but nobody wants to be themselves.
-Gnarls Barkley

Or At Least That's How it Seems,
B

Thought for the Night 6/11

Some say we are responsible for those we love, others know we are responsible for those who love us.
-Nikki Giovanni

There's Something to Consider,
B

Thought for the (Late) Night 6/10

If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul to lose.

-Charles Bukowski

Love It,
B

Thought/Video for the Evening 6/9

"The sky aint a ceiling at all."
-Jill Scott


Talk About It,
B

Thought for the Day 6/8

if i knew you from Adam,
i could tell myself from Eve.
(you can have your precious rib back.)
-rachel kann

Can I get an Amen?
B

Recent Revelation

I live in Philadelphia. North Philadelphia, at that.

...it's the strangest type of ugly beauty I've ran across in a while.

I was talking with a guy from home (NC) and he asked if I lived in Philly. So, I'm thinking, no. That's automatic. I live in North Carolina. However, (technically) my address isn't a "summer address". This is the place I will be at until the end of next summer. I work here. I get my my mail sent here, and I just happen to go to school here as well.

For what it's worth, home is more like vacation to me now... which only validates the fact that I live in Philly, because VA felt like vacation to me upon moving to NC. Drake says it best, "I'm hardly home, but always reppin'."

I even tried to Google pictures of N. Philly so you could understand it, but I couldn't find one that would do it enough justice. You have to get it as a whole or take in all the pictures at once... it's like-yeah, there's random filth everywhere, but there are also random murals everywhere. They mesh so well together.

Craziness.

I Guess This is Home... for Now,
B

p.s. I'm heading to the gym. Yes, your girl is on a work out plan. Running at least 2mi. a day. I'll give you more info on that later.

Thought for the Night 6/7

You are my energy source. If you didn't shine so brightly every morning, my petals would have nothing to reach for. We are photosynthesis in its' most beautiful form.
-Hasan Malik

Sidenote: I had this quote in my phone and deleted it thinking I had posted it already... realized today that I hadn't and tried to post it now off memory. Also, correction on Blueprint 3's release date- it is tentatively September 11th.

How Bout' The NBA Finals?
B

Thought for the Day 6/6

It's not what people call you.
It's what you answer to.
-Madea (yes, even Madea says some enlightening things)

Headed to the Beach & Feelin' Good,
B

When You Say Jay-Z, She Say "It's the ROC"

My man.. Mr. Carter, Jigga Man, Hovi Baby, himself has dropped a new song. Much thanks to my Hot97 connects :)

Just click the picture to hear the song.

Ladadada hey hey heyyy- Goodbyyyyyyyeee,
B

p.s. Tentative release date for Blueprint 3: December 2nd, yessuh.

Rape

4 teenage boys (ages 14-15) were charged with sexual assault for sodomizing a boy (over a 2mo. period) with a broomstick and hockey stick.

In Laments terms, 4 teenage boys held a boy down and shoved a broomstick or hockey stick in his butt repeatedly for the last 2months. Click HERE to read the article.

Rape comes in so many forms its ridiculous. Like, what were they thinking? What compelled them to hold a boy down and do something like that, more than once, and think it was alright? For those who opted out of reading the entire article, the boys all played football together. The boy being raped didn't speak up about it (for reasons unknown, as of yet) until a fight broke out on the field and he said he was "tired of them getting on" him.

What's even worse is that there were people who overheard this boys screams when this took place or actually were there to bear witness to it. They never spoke up. What were they thinking? I'm just flabbergasted. Like. Really. The world must be ending.

B

Thought for the Day 6/5

These days I dream too much and don't write enough. And these days I'm trying to find God everywhere.
-Anis Mojgani, For Those Who Can Still Ride an Airplane for the First Time

Story of my Life,
B

Just Like Me

"Recent photo of a little boy visiting the White House. He wanted to feel Obama's hair because he wanted to know if the President's hair felt just like his. Obama obliged. Priceless."

Gotta Love That,
B

Thought for the Day 6/4

Truth don't fit your mouth,
but open your mind wider.
Your soul might follow.
-Poet Unknown

That's Real,
B

Thought for the Day 6/3

If we all made in God's image then that means His face is mine. Wait. Or is that blasphemy? It's logical. It has to be. If I don't look like my father then the way I live is bastardly.
-Talib Kweli

Whoo!
B

Thought for the Day 6/2

THE WORD IS NIGGER.

"A word used to exclude is now exclusively used by the excluded. And with it, excluding its original excluders who use the slang to now gain inclusion into the group from which their group wanted to be removed from."
-Dahlak Brathwaite, Peculiar Evolution

Why Couldn't I Think of That?
B

Thought for the Day 6/1

So, I'm going to make a point to actually post a quote a day. So, at the least, I'll be contributing something in some capacity on the daily. This will also prevent me from having to do another WordsGalore! post... hopefully lol

...and the thought for today is brought to you from a friend of mine named Jeaninne Kayembe. Wanna hear it? Here it goes:

Be that majestic oak tree
who was once a crazy nut
that stood his ground.

Yay or Nay?
I Love It,
B