I Will Not Lose

I guess I've come to forget what my one and only tattoo is supposed to signify. It reads, "She and Survival were long time friends." At the time I got it, I had made it through one of the most trying times in my whole 18 years... it may not be much to you, but when it's all you know- it counts for something. Anywho, in getting the tattoo, it was a permanent note to self that I am a survivor. If I can not be sure of anything, I can rest comfortably knowing that I will make it out.

As Mos Def once said, "I am black. That means you can put me up against anything and I'll match." Simple minds would only associate black and matching with colors. My interpretation was that-in being a black person, he was able to make it through all endeavors. I believe I possess this same capability. My grandmother was the first person to tell me this surrounding the death of my mother, and grandma knows everything SO it has to be true.

Seriously though, the month of April (hell, even the month of March) has found me feeling a bit defeated. Earlier in April, I had heard Listen by Beyonce for the first time in a while and it seemed like she was speaking to me. I remember my problem first semester was that I was came to college and set expectations for myself that were given to me by others.

This semester, I just find myself with a lack of ambition, focus, and anything else needed to stay on track. I'm definitely not lacking in the sleep department, sadly enough. And the relationship troubles... whether or not the relationships were serious or worth the title of relationships hasn't been half stepping either.

Whatever the case... yet again, I am in the Tech Center at 6 in the morning doing some late night work and the guy [I originally wrote boy, but it sounded demeaning when I re-read it] sitting behind me is blasting Listen. I didn't post it on my blog the last time I heard it because I wanted the video from the actual movie. I felt like Ms. Knowles (or should I say Mrs. Carter?) sung her heart out and was looking at Jamie Foxx in a way that made it clear exactly what she meant. I couldn't find that version- so, in the spirit of being defeated, the video went unposted.

However, being the survivor I am and the manufacturer of rainbows throughout every storm- I've decided to post the song this time. Maybe somebody else needs to hear it just as much as I did. It's not the video version I wanted, but the message is the same. Not to mention, Beyonce does enough neck rolling and finger snapping for you to know she was just as serious as when she was looking at Mr. Foxx...

Without further adue:

Listen - Beyonce

Living a Life I've Started & Will Complete,
B