I ♥ People I Shouldn't

A friend of mine wrote the quote:

I tried to help people, some people I couldn't
That's my moms in me, I love people I shouldn't

It describes me to a tee. Well, this weekend I was introduced to a song called Tears Dry on Their Own by Amy Winehouse. This made me look into other lyrics by her and I came across the lyrics to a song called Help Yourself, part of the song went as follows:

When I walk in your shoes, I understand a man confused
They're much too big but I don't care
I feel the weight your shoulders bear
Now I really empathize
Looking through your bloodshot eyes
And I know you you're so frustrated
But we all become what we once hated
Besides nobody can be that wise
I can't help you if you won't help yourself
You can only get so much from someone else

This kind of had me thinknig about the way I handle relationships. More so, my outlook on my partner during our relationship and once it's over. The last two semi-serious relationships, possibly more severe to me than to them (but 'it be like that somtimes'), had me questioning myself and their issues. I felt like they weren't all the things they potrayed themselves to be, but how they made themselves appear had me intrigued. However, I know better than anyone that when things are built on a lie they're bound to fail. Guess intentions weren't sincere. It hurts though, and it's not as hard as I anticipated, but more than I'd like to admit at times.

I mean, I'm doing quite well, but I can't help but wonder- What is it about them or me that glued us together yet couldn't hold? I try not to spend too much time putting question marks where God places periods, but it's human nature to want and feel deserving of an explanation. It always seems that there's some unresolved issue they need to handle within themselves, and they acknowledge this in the midst of what we have. I have the choice to take note of their unfinished business and leave them be, or attempt to aid them in the process and 'ride it out'. Normally, I'm the stick it out type. I'm the first one to leap, and I'm not afraid of heights. It's not a sense of obligation, it's a genuine want to be there for the one I care about. But, I haven't seen the benefit of that lately. It's like I see these big flashing lights that warn me to back away, and I'm drawn to them like a moth to a flame. I'm tripping, right? At the end of the day, we both know we never would have made it. Let's get married, we'll have kids someday... none of that seems realistic. Anywho, the lyrics to Tears Dry on Their Own (that are applicable) went as follows:

I don't know why I got so attached.
It's my responsibility,
And you don't owe nothing to me,
But to walk away I have no capacity....
I don't understand,
Why do I stress a man,
When there's so many bigger things at hand.
We could've never had it all,
We had to hit a wall,
So this is an inevitable withdrawal.

Still Believing in Prince Charming & Fairy Tales,
B

ps- for those who read the blog before this one: with all these thoughts running through my head, can you now see why hearing that song was perfect timing?

Another SO applicable song (that's randomly and repeatedly popped up the past week) reminding me to learn the lesson of detachment: