Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Pro Choice for Women = No Choice for Men

Controversial much? Seriously... I know this is raising a lot of hairs, but work with me here- I'm going to hit on two issues at once. There are two stories that hit me in the heart within the passing week, and they come from two different perspectives (male and female). They aren't quite the same, but they relate. Read on...

A male associate of mine is being denied visitation of his child. Way to drop the bomb right? Long story short, for reasons unknown (to everyone, even him) the mother suddenly began saying it wasn't his and wouldn't allow him to see his son. I guess he had been dealing with this for sometime now, because I walk into the room and he's just short of spazzing. He begans showing me all these pictures of his son, explaining their resemblance, and tells me his story. Than... he began crying. If you're female and reading this, I don't know if you've ever seen a black man cry, but for me- it's moving. It hurts. Even worse, he is crying because he isn't allowed to be a father to his son. The irony in this is that I have two god daughters and the relationships they have with their fathers are both problematic, for different reasons. Yet, here we have a black man... a man, period... ready, willing, and able to step up- and he is being denied of that. For what reason would you opt to be a single mother, and for what reason would you want your child to grow up fatherless? Children are not pawns. They should not be used to settle issues of spite. Adults handle that amongst themselves, on their own time. Keyword: adults. This issue is still at a stand still, but all we can do is pray, and that's exactly what we're doing.

Scenario 2: Someone close to me, and possibly reading this, is pregnant and contemplating an abortion. Forgive me for airing this. No names are involved. But I couldn't say everything I wanted to you when you told me about it because I felt the need to be understanding, but at the same time I don't want you to go through with this. I know this isn't my decision to make, but I also know that we're closer than close and my opinion matters. So, here it is. True, the father was not faithful to you during the entire time of the relationship. True, you have not truly forgiven him for that. Nonetheless- it's also true that he is trying to do right by you, and he wants this child, his child. Though it's carried in your body, it's still partially his. Doesn't that count for anything? Please, let it count for something. I know it won't be easy. I know you've been down this road before, but you're so strong and your future needs you. I need you. Though you are making this seem like a light load, I am sure your conscious will be a constant reminder this time around. If not, I am sure the father will be. Is that burden easier than the one of birth? You haven't regretted your first child since the day it was born, I doubt, whole heartedly, that you will regret this one. Please give him/her a chance. Please. I am begging you, for their sake. Let them live.

Praying yet Pleading,


  1. ummk... so... I'm not sure if I should comment on this but I am going to. The first story is touching and I hope that all goes well for him. The second story is way too similar to one that I was involved in just a few months ago. Im not here to be advocate for abortion but B seriously you have to let your friend make her own decisions. I did and honestly it was the best decision for me. I mean my baby's father was a drug dealer pending incarceration... like; I just had to make a decision. Do it on my own and make life harder than it needed to be. Or live off my parents for the rest of my life. Or most of it. He wanted to keep it too. But I couldn't fade it. Glad I didn't either b/c I was thinking let’s do it then found out he cheated and the chick was just as far along in her pregnancy as I was. IDK. I mean you do have a decision to make when u lay down raw with someone. But... let the child make her own decision. And whatever she chooses, be there for her (im not doubting that you will)... love... peace... and all things related

  2. All I can say is wow...especially concerning scenario #1. I couldn't imagine being denied the right to be able to see my child. All that proves to me is that some people aren't mentally ready to have kids. For example, a close relative of mines is having a hard time dealing with his baby's mother. They are still both very young and immature. She's still out messing with random dudes and be doing coke/weed. The only time when she calls my relative is when she needs some money or whatever. She even asked him to watch her when he JUST got out of the hospital for something serious. I promised myself not to go down the same road he went through...so that I never have to feel that pain and grief of never having the ability of being able to fully enjoy the lifelong experience of parenthood.


  3. y post anon and put ya name at the end lol

  4. Brandi... don't be bringing that negative energy to my page. [lol]