Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Built for This

*For starters, the title of this post was inspired by one of the tracks on Sock the Rapper's first album. Click the link to hear the song. You'll enjoy it. I wouldn't steer you wrong.


On another note, for the first time-home has found me more inspired/motivated then ever. As I mentioned in the post before this one, I came home this summer worried that the growth I experienced since being away at school would make a turn for the worse while back in North Carolina. Worrying about this in itself was wrong, because I am the one who dictates what occurs so I shouldn't have given my location that much power. However, I realized and do not under estimate the various factors that change between Philadelphia and Charlotte.

With that being said, I was glad to discover a poetry scene out here. My closest friends are fully aware of my love for poetry, but they seldom take an active role in that part of my life. Because of this, among other reasons, I haven't been around them lately. Their absence was noted, but it has just recently turned into an area of conflict. Initially, I was just caught up in the excitement of all the opportunities being placed in front of me (that are poetry oriented). Writing is my passion. Anything that is remotely related to helping me live out my dreams gets my undivided attention. It's not that other things aren't as attention worthy, but the rapture of it all just takes me with it.

This is truly the first time I've ever been involved with a group of people that make me feel like I have something to prove. Times like these can motivate a person and help them build their character or they can break them. I want to use this as motivation. Situations where I don't feel like one of the main characters in a scene are few and far between. This is one of those situations where I feel the need to make a name for myself and push my way to the forefront... earn the respect I feel I am worthy of and capable of getting.

In saying that, I have been finding it hard to balance between my passion and my position with my besties. I want them to understand: This is who I am. This is a major part of me, and I want to explore it until I have perfected my craft. But, I don't feel like they're as eager or willing to understand where I'm at in my life. I could be blowing this way out of proportion, but that's just what it is. I keep reminding myself that 'those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind'. I hope there's some truth in that saying. Though Dom is right, I am the only one who suffers the consequences or reaps the benefits of whatever steps I make towards my dream- I would like to share the sorrows or (*hopefully) the success with my best friends.

I am a survivor by my own admission, so I guess this is just one of those things I have to go through... a test, for lack of better words. It's not life or death, there are no 'passion or best friends' ultimatums being thrown. I just have to ride the wave, let things take their course, and keep good intentions. Right? T.I. said it best, 'Life is like a chess move. You need to make your next move, your best move.'

Built Ford Tough,

1 comment:

  1. This is something I completely understand. And, man, I'm desperately trying to be more like you, B.

    My world revolves around words. I look at everything in everyday life as a potential verse, or a potential picture, or for an uprooting of some deeper essence. I wanna be known as a writer/poet before anything else. Being a full-time musichead is a close second.

    A lot of your blogs really inspire me because you've been so active. You've met so many people I wanna meet (with seemingly so much ease). You've performed. You've grown as a person, and that's very respectable. So kudos to you for all you've been accomplishing and will accomplish.

    And perhaps I'll catch up soon.

    -chucked deuce and love-