Wednesday, January 16, 2008


There are so many catchy phrases and cliche's that people use when referring to love. They say if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be. They say when you really love someone, you want them happy- even if it's not with you. Oh, and let's not forget that real love never goes away, you may not be together, but you'll always love each other. Of all the quotes I've heard, the one that seems to be the most accurate is:
Love is not blind- it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is
willing to see less. -Rabbi Julius Gordon
I got into a 'bit of an altercation' with one of my best friends. My problem was more so with her spouse. Whatever the case, the issue ended up effecting our friendship. I, as well as our mutual friends, do not agree with the way she is treated. Mistreated would probably be a better term. For the men that read this blog, if any, this is not a classic case of "black women being nosey and ganging up on the entire male species". No. This is a case of "knowing when someone isn't being respected or appreciated and wanting them out of bad situation (by any standards) that's bound to get worse."

I was at their place during one of their arguments, and what I witnessed had me furious. As soon as he left the house, I went into a rage of the many reasons why my friend needed to leave him. I went so far as to leave the house to keep from arguing with her and saying something that I would not be able to take back later on. I spoke with two of our friends about it, and their feelings mirrored my own. Nonetheless, we only had opinions- we couldn't make her put our thoughts into action. I went back to try and reason with her, and I felt like (as a friend and out of love), it was in my place to let her know the reality of her situation, the flaws, and then help her come up with a solution. I was capable of doing things that could put the ball in motion. However, to do these things would go against her wishes. Yet, her wishes went against what I felt was the best thing to do.

I was having a HUGE internal conflict. After speaking with her, I decided to leave the ball in her court. Initially, I felt that in doing this, I did not love her enough to do what I felt was in her best interest and disregard the chance of tainting our friendship. But I realized that I'm not God, and I can't tell her what's best for her. My opinion may be shared by the few other people whose opinion we hold credible, but that doesn't make it right. What she pointed out to me was that I am not falling back on my stance due to a lack of love for her and motivation to better her circumstances; I am falling back out of love for her and my belief in her ability to handle her own situations. There is no guarantee that I am doing the right thing.

However, I can rest assured knowing my decision was genuine, well thought out, and made out of love.

Contentment is Key,

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