Save the World Complex

In a previous blog I said, "Maybe I do get too involved, but I'd rather be too far in than standing on the outside cold."

I was hanging with a friend 2 nights ago, just watching movies, nothing special. I text them last night to see what they were up to, only to receive a response saying they had gotten into a bad car accident and were in critical condition. I called a relative of theirs to figure out what hospital they were in, and I started to feel like my heart was going to burst out my chest. Just two seconds ago I was riding with my two best friends, passing jokes, and randomly snapping pictures than the irony of life came back to put me in check.

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's okay. -Alanis Morisette

I sat in the car numb and sort of dumb struck, forgetting our destination. The tears started to roll, and I'm so sick of being the "emotional one", so I attempted to do this quietly. I admitted to my best friend that I was scared, and her response was "I know". This bothered me at first, but I don't know what I expected her to say. We're better than the "everything will be alright" types of comfort when we really aren't sure of the outcome. However, when we finally got out the car, she walked over to me and gave me a hug... one of those hugs that you hold onto a little longer than normal. Of all my best friends, she's not the most sympathetic nor the nicest, but that was just what I needed. I'm not really one for words when emotionally unstable, the smallest form of affection-letting me know you're there, goes a long way. My other friend asked if I was sad, and my best friend replied, "Yeah, you know she has a big heart."

So that's the term I've decided to coin as part of my self-description. I used to refer to it as my 'save the world' complex, wanting to help every one, even when it's not in my capacity, and caring just a little too much. Yes, it is possible to care too much. However, her saying that made me see it for what it is. I have a big heart. There people who truly have hearts that are that are too big for their bodies, and it's considered an illness. I'm throwing myself right in with the rest of them. Difference is, there's no need to put me on a list and request a different heart for me. This, is an illness I'd like to keep.

Contentment is Key,
B