Ughh... Yeah.

So.. I've been missing. Again. It's winter break, and I'm a college student... meaning, I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I've still been writing though. I'm back home in North Carolina and found an old poem I wrote on the family computer. Read it and wheat. Is that how the saying even goes? Someone leave me a comment and tell me if that's right :)

She was just closing the cabinet above the fridge
A harmless deed for a ten year old
And in doing that she was about to learn
Something most children her age shouldn’t know
But it’s the 21st century, and in this day and age
There’s so much info. her head must uphold

So now she’s scared under my supervision
And doesn’t feel safe, yet I’m her big sister
She can’t understand why we need a gun in the house
And now I’m dying to dismiss her

Because I can’t put together enough words
To explain exactly why we need protection
Can’t tell her daddy does some things
That might send bad people in our direction

So I send her upstairs to watch the baby
While my head’s spinning to provide an explanation
I don’t want to lie, but I don’t need her to worry
So it puts me in a compromising situation

She thinks it’s a secret daddy’s been keeping from us
But that’s definitely not the case
I’ve been well aware of all that goes on
But she’s never been told for her sake

So, I call her back downstairs and tell her
We just have it as a precaution
She asks if someone will come in and murder us
As if she hears this happens often

Feeling like I’ve told her as much as I can
I leave the rest up to my dad
He comes in asking her why she was above the fridge at all
As if he has the right to be mad

Tells her not to go running her mouth at school
All her little friends don’t need to know
Than he ends the conversation and changes the subject
While she fights to not let her feelings show

So she twiddles her thumbs and flips through a book
To avoid asking any more questions
And I could tell she was waiting for daddy to justify
Why he had a gun in his possession

Did I mention he’s her step dad
Her and I aren’t connected by blood
Yet, he’s the only father she’s ever had
And I don’t think that’s something he’s proud of

Because he’s the only father figure she’ll ever know
And not a prime example of what a man should be
But he’s penalized daily for his past mistakes
And still has to provide for his family

So he does what he has to, that’s how we get by
And it’s become his way of living
No complaints from me, not a thing I need
He will always provide for his children

I can’t say he’s right, and I won’t call him wrong
That’s the way things are when you’re caught in the system
I just hope my sister doesn’t have to go through what I did at her age
And miss him the way that I missed him..

2fingers and blessings,
B