Imagine Me (My Newest Poem)

I wrote a poem on the 4th of July. For some reason (beyond me), I was saving it. However, I don't know what event I was saving it for. So, I opted to post it now. The preface to this poem? I was really mad at my brother, walking around the house thinking, "Lord, I'm not all I'm cracked up to be. I know love keeps no record of wrongs, and I love my brother BUT..." This was the result:

Mother Teresa once said,
"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.
I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."
And I want to ask Him, "God- who told You I was trustworthy?"
I know more than a few have bowed their heads and prayed to the skies on my behalf, but I'm wondering if words spoken in tongues lead to a miscommunication
They said I was a broken vessel, of the world, a walking contradiction...
Somehow You heard that I was special, learning the word, and bearing witness...
So I'm-blaming-Babylon

Cause these supposed blessings feel like burdens, and every time my faith is tested-
I come out feeling like a failure
Give me any book, a feasible amount of time, and I promise I'll pass with all aces,
But 18 years isn't long enough to get through all of the Bibles pages
See, college only requires a dedicated 8 semesters, and a commitment like Yours last for time
I know Your promise of unconditional love beats any diploma, but I haven't even decided if I'm worth all that
Not to mention, all my attempts at love left me listening to sad songs
But I guess that's my fault for relying on man
Mortals never disappoint me in being disappointing
So in retrospect, they've never let me down

Then again, they've never built me up like You,
Placed me on a pedal stool...
I guess that can only be done by the Most High
Still- standing at Your alter leads to trembling and tears
See You're perfect, and I'm a perfectionist
Whose only choice is to pale in comparison,
Because it's been predetermined that I will always fall short
And I know what's most important in falling is the getting back up,
But my tail bones starting to hurt
And I'm sick of hearing my name mentioned in the sermons at church
They don't say Brandi
They say Backslider
And knowing my place,
I have no choice but to respond at their calls for repentance
You're the only one capable of checking me without uttering a word,
Let alone a sentence

See my father gives a stern look,
But it'll never have me questioning my afterlife
And I bet at times he wishes he was You
But he'd rather be feared than respected,
And I fear no man but God
So again, I find myself disobeying Your commandments
And here I was thinking honoring thy mother and father was the easy part
Cause Mommy's with You, so Daddy's my only concern
You would leave me with the one that's most difficult

I know You know what You're doing
But I'm only human, and I want to understand
They say, "The race isn’t won by the swift, but by the one who endureth.”
Just tell me that I’ll make it to the end
Please don’t keep records of my sins
I promise to confess them
You may hear more than You like,
But Lord I’m trying to get it right,
And the devil’s proved himself to be tempting
I’m not quite ready for judgment day
So, You can keep on with the testing
The pastors’ preaching feels like teaching
And he can keep on with the lessons
Cause Lord I’m learning
You didn’t deem me trustworthy
You deemed me deserving
It’s a slow progress, but Lord I promise…

I
Will
Earn my place in Your kingdom.

Working on Wing Worthy Accomplishments,
B