Friday, May 23, 2008

Untitled Poem 1

So.. I'm back in North Carolina, and I've been staying with my sister. I haven't been performing, but I have been writing. The next 4 posts will be untitled poems that haven't been posted since being written-either here (NC) or in Philadelphia.

You stole our first kiss
And ya'll already know I put my all into everything I do
But this time I just wasn't ready
Had I know butterflies would immediately make their way
To the bottom of my belly
I may have given a little more intensity
But I can't front...
The natural fear in me due to past relationships
And repeated tendencies
Has subconsciously taught me to half-step
Not too long ago I might have kissed you until my last breath
But on the way to this moment
I ran into a few who took my final breath for granted
Selfishly kept it to themselves for their own personal vices
Didn't reciprocate the feeling
And I was left lifeless
But truth be told and despite all of this
If we had another one of those moments
Where we locked eyes only to end up stealing
Simultaneous glances at each others lips
Accompanied by the courtesy bite or lick
You know...
Then this might have been a poem describing
Every crevice yours held
You'd never know without my saying
But I know your lips well
I've looked at em' enough times to know where
The color has changed due to that smoking habit
You're trying to shake
I know in the way you part them
What form the words that follow will take
And don't get me started
On the smile they help make
I've only told you how beautiful it is
Enough times to blow ya head up to full proportions
But what hurts is when those lips part
To form sentences which make it all too clear you doubt me
When they tell me early and often
That I'm either a genuine person
Or better at lying than you are
That playing you publicly is the worse thing
I could ever do
Yeah, I was listening when you said that
All 4 times
Right before you decided to tell me
I had baggage
As if you came to me clean slated
Here you are saying you'll try
To give me your heart
While telling me all the ways
In which not to break it
But hurt is universal
You do not have to define betrayal
Just because I'm not pointing out the ways
I was hurt does not mean
I intend to hurt you
Holding back my sob stories
Doesn't mean I'm secretive
It's just what experience has taught me to do
Telling someone how you were scarred in the past
Will not deter them from wounding you
It's not rocket science
I'm aware that my discomfort at you
Taking 4hrs. to respond to a text while you're at work
Is petty
But realize those silent moments
Between text with a person before you
Are what lead to my heartache
And me not wanting to relive the details
Of that moment so you feel more aware
Is the decision I have the power to make
The closest hint you will ever get to my past dealings
Is my only tattoo
It says 'She & Survival Were Long Time Friends'
So just know that surviving's what I do
I play my position, pray you have good intentions
And open up at a pace that's fitting
Yes, I am a poet
But I still have problems expressing my feelings
We rehearse this shit before we hit the stage
It's not like we're freestyling off the top of the dome
So, in the same manner :
I need some preparation before expressing myself
Or you'll have to be patient enough
To let it spill out into a poem
Cause the stage feels like a confessions booth
Meanwhile, your eyes bring so much judgement
And since I'm up here now
I might as well tell you, I'm not one to rush it
But something about this feels right
Remember 'Intruder Alert'?
Well, mines isn't going off
I respect your New York state of mind
Hell, I even pray prematurely
For the person who tries to check it
Street smarts is a must but it doesn't hurt
That yours are backed by intelligence
And I actually like that for you
It's not the loving that's hard,
It's the liking someone that's a big deal
Cause after you like em'
You fall fast and fall hard
Aint no denying that the shits real
And I guess that's why
Shorty at the gas station was the closest
You've gotten to commitment since ya ex
And you keep saying 'You're a problem,
Iono what I'ma do with you'
Knowing you're fully aware of what happens next
It's all or nothing when you're rolling with me
And if I knew where this was headed
I would've told you take heed
But you stole our first kiss
And now we're recklessly driving
With no seat belt, as you like it
At full speed...

As Ari Would Say-Peace on That,


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