Untitled Poem 1

So.. I'm back in North Carolina, and I've been staying with my sister. I haven't been performing, but I have been writing. The next 4 posts will be untitled poems that haven't been posted since being written-either here (NC) or in Philadelphia.

You stole our first kiss

And ya'll already know I put my all into everything I do

But this time I just wasn't ready

Had I know butterflies would immediately make their way

To the bottom of my belly

I may have given a little more intensity

But I can't front...

The natural fear in me due to past relationships

And repeated tendencies

Has subconsciously taught me to half-step

Not too long ago I might have kissed you until my last breath

But on the way to this moment

I ran into a few who took my final breath for granted

Selfishly kept it to themselves for their own personal vices

Didn't reciprocate the feeling

And I was left lifeless

But truth be told and despite all of this

If we had another one of those moments

Where we locked eyes only to end up stealing

Simultaneous glances at each others lips

Accompanied by the courtesy bite or lick

You know...

Then this might have been a poem describing

Every crevice yours held

You'd never know without my saying

But I know your lips well

I've looked at em' enough times to know where

The color has changed due to that smoking habit

You're trying to shake

I know in the way you part them

What form the words that follow will take

And don't get me started

On the smile they help make

I've only told you how beautiful it is

Enough times to blow ya head up to full proportions

But what hurts is when those lips part

To form sentences which make it all too clear you doubt me

When they tell me early and often

That I'm either a genuine person

Or better at lying than you are

That playing you publicly is the worse thing

I could ever do

Yeah, I was listening when you said that

All 4 times

Right before you decided to tell me

I had baggage

As if you came to me clean slated

Here you are saying you'll try

To give me your heart
While telling me all the ways

In which not to break it

But hurt is universal

You do not have to define betrayal

Just because I'm not pointing out the ways

I was hurt does not mean

I intend to hurt you

Holding back my sob stories

Doesn't mean I'm secretive

It's just what experience has taught me to do

Telling someone how you were scarred in the past

Will not deter them from wounding you

It's not rocket science

I'm aware that my discomfort at you

Taking 4hrs. to respond to a text while you're at work

Is petty

But realize those silent moments

Between text with a person before you

Are what lead to my heartache

And me not wanting to relive the details

Of that moment so you feel more aware

Is the decision I have the power to make

The closest hint you will ever get to my past dealings

Is my only tattoo

It says 'She & Survival Were Long Time Friends'

So just know that surviving's what I do

I play my position, pray you have good intentions

And open up at a pace that's fitting

Yes, I am a poet

But I still have problems expressing my feelings

We rehearse this shit before we hit the stage

It's not like we're freestyling off the top of the dome

So, in the same manner :

I need some preparation before expressing myself

Or you'll have to be patient enough

To let it spill out into a poem

Cause the stage feels like a confessions booth

Meanwhile, your eyes bring so much judgement

And since I'm up here now

I might as well tell you, I'm not one to rush it

But something about this feels right

Remember 'Intruder Alert'?
Well, mines isn't going off

I respect your New York state of mind

Hell, I even pray prematurely

For the person who tries to check it

Street smarts is a must but it doesn't hurt

That yours are backed by intelligence

And I actually like that for you

It's not the loving that's hard,

It's the liking someone that's a big deal

Cause after you like em'

You fall fast and fall hard

Aint no denying that the shits real
And I guess that's why

Shorty at the gas station was the closest

You've gotten to commitment since ya ex

And you keep saying 'You're a problem,

Iono what I'ma do with you'

Knowing you're fully aware of what happens next

It's all or nothing when you're rolling with me

And if I knew where this was headed

I would've told you take heed

But you stole our first kiss

And now we're recklessly driving

With no seat belt, as you like it

At full speed...

As Ari Would Say-Peace on That,
B