Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Wear Your Crown

For the record: I have a lot of things on my mind and I'm not sure where I'm taking this exactly so if you never watched an Ali fight... you can't bob and weave through the blows... you might want to sit this match out and come back around for the next one.

For starters: Ariana said to me today that as women, we like to soften things up. We take the pill and crush it up in our orange juice when sometimes we just need to take the whole thing with water. In regards to what I was going through, this is so true. I am not doing myself any favors by softening the blows. It is best that I take them at full force, let them bruise, and heal from them instead of softening the blow and letting the pain dull itself out over time until it has became so minor that I forget it's there until something rubs up against it the wrong way.

No, I am doing no favors for myself by softening your punches. I am now taking it full force. It hits me. I understand. With that being said, I admit to the resentment I harbor towards you. I want to be cordial, I want to act like we can be friends on some extremely surface level... however, the truth of the matter is that I am disappointed with you. I am hurt by your decisions. I am still being affected by them, and I am sick of being mad at myself for pretending I can be your friend-when I don't feel that you are worthy of my friendship. I felt like it would be petty to nip our relationship completely, but now I realize that would be the honest thing to do. If I claim to be anything, phony I am not- and this is definitely going against the grain.

On another note, I fully realize God is in control, and I'm grateful for that. I am not able to handle all of this, but that's because it's not my battle to be fighting- especially not alone. I catch myself walking with my head down, and as I was walking in my building- Ariana said, "Wear ya crown." So.... that's what I'm doing... walking like a lady, keeping my head up, and not budging. Everything is feeling mad iffy, and few things are certain. However, those few things I am cherishing... deeply and truly. There is something to be said for a good friend. You know who you are, I've told you before-I'll tell you again: I appreciate you.

Katrina Happens,

1 comment:

  1. Strength and honesty take a lot to master. And they're even harder to maintain. But, in the long run, it'll get you farther than those who lack the capability to do so.

    I feel you.

    -Chucked Deuce-